You Are The Only Reason (post.malone)

Two

Faith

Why did Austin stop loving me? Why isn't he in love with me anymore? I haven't changed since the promise. The only reason that I am different now is because of this distance we now have. I just wish that he would talk to me and we could figure everything out and the best solution to all of this but he won't give me the time of day. I wonder if he knows that he's causing all of this pain. This is honestly the worst I have ever felt in my life. Breaking my promise is looking better by the second. I break my thoughts and head off to the bathroom. I open the drawer underneath the sink and feel for the razor blade I taped to the top 3 years ago. When I finally find it, I remove it from the drawer and remove the tape. Looking at this blade brings back a memory I hold so closely to my heart.

"Faith?" I hear a quiet voice from behind me and instantly I know that it's Austin. I look up from my spot on the floor into his sad blue eyes and drop the blade on the tile floor. He kneels down in front of me and I look away from him. He lifts my chin so that I am looking at him. "Why?'" He questions, sadness clear in his voice. "It doesn't matter Austin." He shakes his head and helps me off the ground. "Sit here and I will be right back." I put the toilet seat down before sitting on it just as Aus walks in with peroxide and gauze. He takes my wrist in his hand and gently cleans it beofre wrapping it up in the gauze. He looks me directly in my eyes before speaking. "Now I want you to tell me why you do this to yourself ?' I nod my before telling him my story.

When I'm done telling him my story, he has tears in his eyes and it makes my heart hurt even more than it already does. "Faith. I want you to promise me something, okay?" Once again, I nod my head. "I want you to promise me that you will NEVER do this to yourself again, for me?" I look up at him, into his eyes and I can see the tears forming. I nod my head. "I promise Austin."

Looking at this blade and thinking of all the pain Austin and my thoughts have caused me recently just makes that memory fade away from my mind. Well here goes nothing. Once I glide the blade across my skin, I completely lose it. Tears are running down my face like a waterfall and I drag the blade across my wrist until I can no longer see my skin. I rinse the blade and place it back in its designated spot before heading downstairs to bandage my wrist. After grabbing everything that I need, I head to the kitchen where Austin is standing in front of the sink. I stand frozen while the blood drips from my wrist onto the tile floor. When Austin turns towards me and sees my wrist, his eyes hold so much emotion but one was definitely prominent...Hurt. I leave my shocked state before running upstairs to the bathroom, Austin right behind me. I make sure the door is locked so that he can't get in. "Faith Lailonni! Open the door!" He screams and bangs on the door while I clean and bandage my wrist. Once that is finished, I open the door and attempt to rush past him but he stops me and pins me against the wall. "Why Faith? You promised me." At his words, all of my pent up anger causes me to explode. I push him away from with all that I have before I completely snapped.

"I promised you Austin!? You promised that you would always be here for me but last time I checked you haven't given me the time of day and have been ignoring me for the past 8 months! 8 fucking months Austin! 8 months of me suffering after not suffering for 3 years and this is the first time in 3 years that I have hurt myself. I tried my best to hold on to this promise because it was for you and it was the last intact piece of this relationship but now everything is broken. I am officially 100% broken Austin and I don't know if I can hold on and suffer anymore." I finish and look up at him. "Please Fai. Just please don't ever leave me." He pleads sitting down next to me. "Aus, I will never leave you as long as you don't leave me, you'll leave me before I leave you. I need to get something off my chest Austin." He nods his head telling me to continue. "You are the only thing keeping me alive Austin. You are the reason I am still here. If me being here makes you happy then I'll stay for a while longer. You are the only reason I am happy, everything about you and everything that you do makes me happy. You are the only reason for this smile on my face everyday. You are my happy place Austin and I want you to find yours, so if leaving and moving on from me is your happy place then go get it baby. All I want for you is complete and utter happiness. But just know that when you leave, you are taking my happiness with you and without you I have nothing left to live for. The minute you leave will be the last you see of me. When you leave, I will leave. The only difference is, I will not come back, I will not be able too, I will be gone forever. So make your choice Austin and choose wisely." I tell him before leaving him there to his thoughts and to make his decision, which I already know.