An Angel's Tears

The Beginning

Why doesn't she listen? I told her I was seventeen and that I was capable of school shopping on my own, but she still insists on keeping the "tradition," as she calls it. I call it torture.

I guess I should introduce myself, I'm Allison Carter, I'm seventeen and waiting for freedom. My Mom's name is Jill, and my dad's name is Jack. I always thought it was funny that they sounded like a living version of the nursery rhyme Jack and Jill. So, it's like 'Jack and Jill went up the hill,' and you know the rest. Secretly, when I'm mad I call them by their first names, not to their faces but behind their backs, even though they insist I call them Mom and Dad. I have no friends or even a boyfriend, but who needs them? I'm better off on my own anyway.

No one understands me, and they mostly ignore me. They started calling me emo when I was 14, and since then I've cut myself, but don't tell anyone, I don't want to be the gossip around town....

If you have a problem with anything I said then I have specific instructions for you:

1. Shut Up, if you talk you could ruin the experience.

2. Get Out Of My Life, I hate you, you hate me; the feelings are obviously mutual, so let's just get this over with.

If you are not a hater and don't have problems with what I have said so far, then feel free to stay and listen. This is my story. I trust you, but not a lot. Maybe we could become closer as time goes on.

Anyway, enough with the introduction, on with the story. I'd rather die painfully then go school shopping with my mother; it actually feels like I'm dying slowly each time I shop with her.

Ah, the slow and painful death of last minute school shopping. Why last minute? You may ask, it's the only time my mom had to take me... she's always so busy.

So, as we sit in the car on the quiet ride to the mall, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to go school shopping on my own....

She always makes up an excuse to go with me. What is wrong with her? It isn't fair! She isn't fair! Everyone else's parents let them go shopping by themselves but never me, my mom never understands anything involving me....

When we finally got to the mall, my mom went to the most girly store, and, with a reluctant sigh, I followed. Soon enough she had picked out a pink floral dress and showed it to me.

"What about this one? I think it will be perfect for you," she asked.

"No, absolutely not!" I answered quickly, too quickly; it started to feel like a reflex. I couldn't help it though it was just something that was to outrageous for someone like me; in other words it was just...not me.

"Oh come on, at least try it on, you don't know, maybe you'll like it," she plead.

"I don't like it, I wouldn't normally wear anything like it, plus I really hate dresses," I shot back.

"I think it will be a good idea to try something new, you never kno-"

"No," I said cutting her off. I sighed. She would never understand me.

My mom didn't say anything more, but she shot me her familiar we'll-talk-about-this-later look.

I left the store and headed toward a store I would actually think of buying clothes from, Hot Topic. I was contemplating buying more pairs of black skinny jeans and decided against it, I already had literally thirteen pairs. I headed over to the t-shirts and spotted a rack of graphic tees that had various pictures of my favorite band on the front: Evanescence. They found ways to put feelings into words that no one, including me, could find ways to say.

Just then my mom appeared beside me and said "So, this is what you're into?"

"Yes," I said. What else would I be into, Mom? A frilly dress perhaps? Maybe with 'cute' little pigtails, would you rather I call you and Dad 'Mommy and Daddy?' Sorry to crush your dreams, but that will never happen.

With a sigh she walked over to the hat section, the last part of out shopping trip. I felt kind of sorry for her, I was her only child, she would never have on adorable daughter that loved all things pink, and I would never be even a bit like the daughter she always wanted.

She probably felt like a failure, was that true? Was she a failure? Perhaps, but she could feel that way mostly because of me. And as for being a bad listener? That can only be answered with a definite yes.

I grabbed a few Suicide Silence shirts that I liked, one of them had lyrics from one of their songs called "You Only Live Once" on the front. By the time I headed towards the hats I found my mom, once again, it the section of clothes I wouldn't be caught dead in.

Looking through the rack of hats I found a cute hat with Gir on it, from the cartoon Invader Zim. I thought it was perfect! I picked it up and went to show my mom, when I got there I looked at the hats she was looking at they were even worse close up. I showed her the hat, and with another sigh she led me to the checkout.

I placed the shirts and the hat on the counter and we were greeted by a cheery blonde cashier, her nametag read "Maddi." I only half wondered why such a peppy girl was doing working in such a store as this.

"Hello how are you two girls today?" The way she said it made it seem practiced, like she had said it way too many times. Considering she worked here, I could-without a doubt- believe that she has.

"Wonderful and how about you?" came my mother's reply behind me. From upset to cheerful just like that, I wonder if that was a trick or some other strange parenting tactic. And if it was, did she ever use it on me? Yes and yes, of course.

"Oh you know just another day on the job; that'll be $15.93," the blonde said. Come to think of it she looked kind of like a cheerleader, I bet she was, it was a definite possibility. "Oh, and here you go," she said handing the bag to me.

After my mom paid for everything, we headed out of the store, before set foot outside the store The blonde called "Come back soon!" By then, I was already wishing I was laying in bed, and I had pretended not to hear her