An Angel's Tears

Sorpresa Puta

I sat down in the back of the room as I always had, but only this time Reese sat in the desk right next to me, on my left. I looked over at him and raised my eyebrows, only slightly aware of our classmates that were watching us. He only smiled at me and looked at Mrs. Garcia, who had begun speaking right after the bell rang. She was telling us that we could talk with our classmates just as long as we weren't too noisy.

As soon as she said it I turned to Reese, he was already staring at me. We both laughed, but I suddenly stopped, still aware of how strange it began to make me feel.

He looked at me, worry and curiosity melting onto his face "Why do you do that?" he asked.

"Do what?" I said, but I was sure I knew what he meant.

"Every time you laugh, smile, or show some sign of happiness it looks like... I don't know, like you're second guessing if it'll last or not...." He said simply.

Was I really that easy to read? "Uh, well, I um..." I struggled for words, not sure if I wanted to tell him or not.

"Please tell me, don't be afraid, I'm only curious. I'm just wondering why you always look so unhappy." His tone was gentle, and I could tell his curiosity was genuine.

"Well, I haven't been happy in my life ever, I never really felt alive these past few years. It's a miracle I made it through each day, so why shouldn't I expect it to leave? Everything good ends eventually...." I started to trail off, wondering if he now thought I was insane (or if he already thought I was).

"How can you be so sure it will leave?" His tone was curious.

"Experience." I said quietly.

"Do you ever wonder if you're wrong? That maybe there's one kind of happiness lasts forever?"

I laughed, I couldn't help it. What he was saying was ridiculous...wasn't it? "Sorry."-I quickly apologized-"But no." I added. "I know I'm right, I have years of examples to back me up."

"But maybe this year will be different...."

"Maybe not."

"Come on."

"What?"

He stared at me for a moment "Don't say that." He said simply.

"How can I not? You don't see the Hell that my life really is...." As I spoke my voice got lower, I didn't wasn't sure if he heard the last part or not.

"Allison." He said suddenly, I heard something else in his voice, (maybe pain) but I convinced myself I was just imagining things. "You can't be telling me that this year will be like all the others. You haven't even given this one a chance, and also, this year is already different...."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, for one, you have a friend this year...me" He gave me a small smile.

"Yes, but...." I wanted to say it but I couldn't.

Shock crossed his face; he read the question in my eyes. "Oh, I know what it is. You think I'm going to leave you, don't you?"

"Why should you stay? I can't think of a reason for you to even choose me...." My voice was a whisper.

He hesitated then spoke, his words spilling out fast and quiet "...Because you looked...you looked how I feel: alone and hopeless, no offense...." He looked into my eyes waiting for my reaction, wondering if he should continue.

"None taken," I said simply. "Now go on," I urged him.

"...Because I believed you were different, I even hoped you would be... because if you were...then you would be the perfect friend for me. And you were different, so perfectly different, and that's why I stayed...." When he said 'friend' I heard that strange tone in his voice again, but I thought I must have been imagining things.

I was speechless, I couldn't form words. So many thoughts were running through my head at once.

"Allison, are you okay?" Reese asked, sounding worried. He must have seen my expression

"I'm fine." That was a lie, I was definitely not okay.

"What's wrong?" He persisted.

"Nothing." But the truth was it was everything, my world was caving in. This was all new to me, I couldn't handle it.

He looked at me, a doubtful expression on his face, but said nothing.

I changed the subject and we talked about pointless crap for the rest of the period. There were traces of that doubtful look he had on his face earlier, but whatever bothered him, he never voiced it.