Wearing Thin.

3. "With You I Can Breathe."

After being caught by what seemed like every paparazzi in the state of California Zayn and I were placed under heavy surveillance. We weren’t allowed to see each other in person, but our management couldn’t stop us from texting or talking over the phone. It seemed like ever since our little slip up our schedule had gotten even more busy in an attempt to make up for all the damage. At this moment in time we needed good publicity because I was being called a whore, and they were calling him a piece of shit. There was so much that people didn’t see. To the public Niall and I seemed happily in love, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. It was for attention. Simon had set it up months ago when I was first considered to be a part of the X Factor panel. At the end of the day the choice wasn’t mine to make, I was going to do it or I was going to be dropped from the label.

I never asked to fall in love with the wrong person. A lot of my nights were spent hoping, wishing, and praying that I could feel that spark with Niall. He was an attractive boy, that much was obvious for anyone to see. But when I stared into his baby blue’s, I just never felt it. Then along came Zayn, and with one look I was sold. My mind, body, and soul belonged to him. It started with a glance, continued with a few words, and our fate was sealed with a kiss. Letting out a frustrated sigh I got up from the spot on the couch, stretching my arms above my head. I could hear the faint typing of my personal assistant from the room over. I took the few steps necessary and popped my head inside, watching as she spoke to someone quietly on the phone. I rose an eyebrow in silence and stepped in, crossing my arms over my chest. Moments later the call was done, and she looked at me, an anxious look on her face.

“Listen Demi, they uh- they want you to publically apologize.”

I shook my head quickly and stormed out of the room, grabbing my purse from the table. Fatima darted towards the door, pressing her back against it. “I can’t let you leave Demi, you know the rules.”

“I don’t fucking care about the rules. I’m hungry and I want some fries.” Running my tongue over my bottom lip, I hitched my purse up higher on my shoulder. “Look at this point, I’ll go get food with Niall. He’s probably hungry too anyways.” Fatima raised her digit finger as if telling me to wait a moment. She left me alone by the doorway and made a few calls, coming back to tell me that I was to meet Niall at the McDonald’s by my house. At that point I felt like an inmate that had finally been released after a million years as I ran towards my SUV, my trembling hand struggling to pull my iphone out of my purse. In one swift movement, I was calling Zayn using my car to hold myself up. He answered on the third ring, and the sound of his voice caused a lump the size of an apple to form in my throat.

‘I miss you’ were the first words to reach my ears and the only thing I could do was wish that he could tell me that in person. Biting down on the inside of my cheek I listened closely as I heard ragged breathing on the line and at point I knew that Zayn was crying. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I miss you so much and all I want to do is hold you, please don’t cry because you’re going to ma-” Rambling on without bothering to take a breathe was probably the worse choice I could make because it only made the urge to cry grow tenfold. I opened my mouth and tried to form words but I couldn’t. I had no idea how to make him stop crying because I knew that no amount of words could fix the mess we got ourselves into.

“Listen please. Sometimes I just - fuck. I just have no idea what I’m doing with my life. And I wonder if being with you is a bad choice. And it is. I’m putting my career and my reputation on the line for you Demi. I could lose it all. My friends, my job, my fans. But every time I think about it, about you - it only makes me realize how much I love you. I don’t care about anything but you. I’m so stressed, and I can’t stop shaking. All I want to do is get drunk and break a whole bunch of shit, but I know that you don’t like me when I’m drunk. I just, fuck Demi. You have no idea how much I fucking miss you. Just remember that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything else. I hear someone coming, I gotta go. I love y-.”

I kept waiting for him to finish the word, but when I was met with obnoxious wailing of the dial tone I knew he was gone. Turning around I pressed my forehead against the glass window of my car, the tears I had been fighting to hold in began to roll down my cheeks. Slamming my fist against the window, I accidentally set off the alarm but at this point I was too hysterical to care. Every thing was going south, things weren’t supposed end up like this. After my year-long contract of dating Niall was up, Zayn and I planned to come out - but instead of gracefully stepping out of the closet, we fell out on our faces. Frustration was at its all time high, when I started yelling at my car to shut the fuck up - and that’s when I realized that it was time to go. Niall was probably already waiting for me at McDonald’s - hiding out in his car.

Pulling my purse off of my shoulder, I dropped my phone inside, rummaging around for my keys. Time seemed to move in slow motion as I got in and started my car, driving towards the fast food establishment. Five minutes later I had arrived and parked my car in the first open spot I saw, I spotted a seemingly big mob of girls walking into the McDonalds out of my peripheral vision. Turning the ignition over, I sat in my car for a few seconds before grabbing my phone once again to call Niall. As soon as he answered I didn’t waste any time in asking him if there were any paparazzi around or if anyone in our management had tipped people off about our supposed lunch date. “Yeah. They want people to think everything is peachy, afterwards we’re going back to the hotel.” My heart sped up at the thought of being able to see Zayn, but I was quickly shot down the moment Niall started to speak again. “Zayn’s being moved to a different hotel right about now, just saying.”