Wearing Thin.

7. "Break Up the Dark."

Time usually went by pretty fast for me. Maybe it had to do with all the appearances, events, and performances that my career entitled. But the past week felt like a hundred years. I couldn't get a hold of Zayn no matter how hard I tried. I had a feeling that he either blocked my number or changed it. Whenever I saw him in person he'd do whatever it took to get as far away as humanly possible. He'd make excuses to leave the room, initiate conversation with someone else, or just straight up pretend I didn't exist. It was like a dagger through my fucking heart. I was torn right down the middle. I wanted nothing more to be held by him for hours and hours, but at the same time I wanted to strangle him to death. There were nights where I'd stay up and think about him nonstop, and there were nights when I'd break whatever I could get my hands on because I was so pissed. I knew that was no way to live but I was stuck in my own head. I felt too guilty to talk about it with Miley, Niall wasn't an option, and I didn't really have anyone else in my life I could trust. 

I was even beginning to have some thoughts. Thoughts I swore I'd never let wander back into my head. The worst part was that the only thing that stopped me from cutting was the fact that I'd mess up my wrist tattoos and it'd be a bitch to fix up. Plus, there was the fact that I couldn't get away with it. People were so hyper vigilant these days once they figured out that I wasn't in the best mood. Not that it was any of their damn business. But it was their job. So I put up with all of the added stress. I figured out that working out made me stop thinking about him, and everything else that was shitty about my life. I even had a mini-gym set up in one of the guest bedrooms of my house. I didn't even realize that I slowly stopped eating until a few days ago when I stepped on a scale and noticed that I weighed a significant amount less than I had a month ago. I didn't do it purposefully, it just happened. I knew no one would believe me if I told them that so I just tried to hide it as best as I possibly could.

Miley stopped by a few times to check up on me. She never asked me any questions but I felt as though she knew the whole story by just looking at me. It was scary how well she knew me. She didn't try to bring it up, she just kept insisting that we meet up for a girls day out. I felt kind of bad, seeing her go out of her way to make sure I wasn't beating myself up. Literally and figuratively speaking. She had a lot of things on her plate. With working on her album, and keeping up on her appearances. She truly didn't have any time to play baby-sitter. But it wasn't like I was begging her to keep me company. Miley was the one who'd show up without warning. And I secretly loved her for it. No matter how much I tried to tell myself that it was annoying.

If anything Niall made things worse.

He'd send me cute texts that made me smile for hours. Roses and balloons would be delivered to my house every other day. He'dsend me songs that made him think of me. He did everything a boyfriend would do. But he wasn't my boyfriend. Even though technically he was. It was a complicated situation. Yet, it wasn't. At least not anymore. With Zayn out of the picture, things would go back to how they were supposed to be. Except I was still madly in love with him. Although, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, I was beginning to hate every last thing I swore I loved. 

I let out a deep sigh, and snubbed the cigarette I was smoking on my makeshift ashtray that was actually an empty can of Coke. Clearing my throat I got up, and jumped up and down a bit, trying to get the smell of cigarette smoke off of me before heading back inside of the party. London wasn't exactly one of my favorite places to be, but it was a job thing. Promoting current projects sucked ass. Whatever. It wouldn't be as bad if I wasn't stuck in the same building as Zayn. The same building where I met him for the first time. Not the planned meeting, but the first one. The real one. 

With my hands shoved deep in my pockets I tried to make my way through the crowd. It was mostly weird London folk who'd spend hours talking about 'real punk' and how 'weird some Americans were'. It all made me want to roll my eyes but I tried to stay in my best behavior. Until Miley stepped in front of me, something hiding behind her usual nervous smile. I glanced at her, a perfectly manicured eyebrow raised in her direction. "Move?" I asked playfully, trying to step around her, but she wouldn't have it. It made me nervous to say the least. Actually, nervous wasn't the word to describe it. It was potent enough to capture the dread I was feeling at the exact moment. Miley merely shook her head, and grabbed both of my biceps in her dainty hands. "Dance with me?" She asked, straining to be heard over the music. I only shook my head because something was up, something was wrong. 

I guess she could tell I wasn't in the mood for games by the look of my eyes and let me pass. Though she gave me one of those 'you're gonna regret it' sighs, as I moved past her. I didn't really see the big deal as I walked through the room. There was just a bunch of being getting raunchy to some song, people doing body shots, and others waiting in line for the bathroom. Maybe she was just being her usual self. Or maybe she was stoned. Either was logical. There was a voice in the back of my head that told me otherwise. That literally begged me to stop walking and turn back around. But it was like my legs had a mind of their own as their advanced through the threshold. It was then that I say what she wanted me to avoid. There, in plain sight, was the so-called love of my life locking lips with that annoying girl from that X Factor girl group. The name always escaped me. But what I could remember is that they had a past. 

It was strange. My first reaction wasn't to pull out her cheap extensions, or to knee him where the sun don't shine. I didn't even shed a tear. I looked around the foyer for a second before spotting Niall. I grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and laid one on him. Probably the most passionate kiss I'd ever given in my life. Niall was right on it. He melded into me, hands gripping my hips as he kissed me back immediately. I wasn't exactly sure if it was butterflies or the nervousness building in the pit of my stomach. Because seconds in I could hear cheering burst through the room, and I could feel all eyes on me. I had no idea what had gotten into me, all I knew is that I felt it. I felt everything. Leaning into his neck, I whispered into his ear. "Let's ditch this party. I'm hungry."

It was innocent, and he knew it from the look on his face. He winked at me and nodded before grabbing my hand in his own and dragging me away from the chaos. I tried to look ahead of me, mostly to keep from tripping on anything, but something told me to look back. And the last thing I saw, before we stepped into the cold London air, was Zayn's piercing gaze locked right on mine.