Senior Stories: Gillian Lombart

3. Getting it Over With

The week flies by. Everyday Gillian finds herself skirting around hallways trying to stay hidden from Matthew. Responding to his phone calls with text messages. And settling in to the feeling that something had to be done to end her anxiety about their future.

She didn’t see him leaning against the car until she was half way down the block. His hoodie was pulled over his head and he was staring at the ground. It had been windy and pine needles scattered the ground around the older car, Matthew kicked a pattern in the pile of needles with his foot.  Gillian thought about turning around but he looked up and saw her. Gillian paused, took a deep breath and walked toward the car.

“Hi.”

“Why haven’t you called me back?” he looked like he had been punched in the stomach.

“You know, I have been super busy. I haven’t really had time to talk, you can even ask Jorge.”

“Come on Gilly, don’t be like that. I tried to talk to you everyday and you brushed me off like I was some telemarketer. We need to talk.”

“I have to go, can we talk tonight?”

Matthew pulled his hoodie off his head and looked at Gillian in the face, his almond shaped eyes widened as he searched her face for answers. “No we can’t talk tonight, I need to get something off my chest.”

Gillian’s stomach was in knots. She knew that things would fall apart once he got into college, but she didn’t think that it would happen this fast. She needed more time. She wanted more time, but time was up.

“You’re breaking up with me,” Gillian said dryly.

“What?! Are you out of your damn mind! First you tell me everything is fine, then you run out of my house. Then you ignore me at school, won’t return my calls, your texts are only a few words. I can’t drop by your house, because your dad doesn’t like me and will just freak out. And you think I am breaking up with you!?” He stood there glaring at her. Gillian looked down at the ground, ashamed that she was avoiding him on purpose. “Gilly! Look at me, I have been at your car for over an hour thinking about how to get you to talk to me.”

“Matt,” Gillian stuttered. “I just have a lot on my plate right now, and I have to get to the daycare before 4. Can we talk later? Maybe I can come by your house?”

“No.” he said with a bit of edge to his voice. “Baby, this can’t wait. I miss you, I need to know that you are ok.”

Gillian stared at him. I guess if he won’t get the hint then it would be up to me, she thought. She had to let go, she would only be holding him back if they stayed together. There was still three months left of school and it would make things easier. He would be going away and she would be stuck here at home until her mother came back – if her mother came back.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Gillian said softly, tears running down her face. “It’s not working. We are too different.”

“No babe, what are you talking about?” Matthew grabbed Gillian by her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. “Don’t say things like that, we are perfect for each other. You are just upset about Chicago.”

Gillian pushed back off his chest and let her emotions show. “No it’s not that! It’s the fact that you can’t make time for me on the weekends, your friends hate me, and you are too wrapped up in your own stuff to even notice that I need you.”

“Come on Gilly, don’t be like that. You are just mad. Tell me you are mad about Chicago and we can still make it work. You are aren’t going to just throw this all away.” He was trying to pull her back into his arms. Gillian pulled away, tears running down my cheeks.

“No it really is about us, we are not working. I can’t see myself continuing this over the summer. What I am just some chick to you?”

“You are talking crazy? Where is this all coming from? After almost a year, you are just now coming to this?” He reached out for her hand. Gillian took a step back, if he touched her again she would loose her nerve.

She had to make it stick, she had to make it hurt for him to find away out of my life – a way for him to get his own.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me again, you are just some dumb asshole who saw an opportunity and took it. Do you even think your art is good enough for Chicago? They probably took you in because they needed a poster boy from California.” Gillian’s anger at her life was raging, anger at her father’s drunken stoopers, anger that she couldn’t afford to do what every other senior was doing, and anger that Matthew had it so easy. “And don’t worry you will find another ‘muse’.”

That did it, she could see the hurt and anger surface in his eyes.

“Fuck you Gilly.”

Matthew turned and walked away leaving Gillian feeling like the worst person in the world. She had just hurt her best friend and only boyfriend. She had picked away at a scab and left it bleeding by using the words that he had heard all his life, “you’re not good enough.” It left Gillian feeling hallow. It was the same words her father heard his whole career. There was no turning back she had played dirty and won. Matthew was out of Gillian’s life for good.

She got in the car and turned the keys, and with shaky hands griped the steering wheel.