Senior Stories: Gillian Lombart

8. Adjusting

“The fist week is the hardest for everyone. Families and the patients,” a drug counselor is explaining at our first family night at my dad’s rehab center. “Patients are getting used to what life is like without alcohol. Without drugs. Listen families, it is your job to get used to the word addiction.”

This is what Gillian’s life had become, a series of words. Scary, words like addiction, shattered, depression, family dynamic, and disease.

Gillian and Billy stared at one another from across the room. Family members of other patients sat in folding metal chairs placed in a large circle. Absent from the group with Gillian’s mother, who could not afford to fly out from Colorado for the mandatory weekly family session. Since Gillian was 18 she was allowed to be there, though she felt that her place should have been with Mrs. Singh and the rest of the kids.

The room was softly lit and smelt of stale cigarettes. It was Gillian’s first time at the rehab center, her uncle had come many times to visit during that first week, but Gillian always found an excuse to stay behind.

“I have homework and I have to make sure Andie gets all her stuff done before Friday. Maybe next time.”

“You are going to have to go at some point. He misses you.”

“Sure”, Gillian said quickly as to get her uncle off her back. “I will make time, I promise.”

It wasn’t until a few days later that Gillian found herself walking through the thick oak doors framed by Julia Morgan architecture. She found it amusing that a building so beautiful could house such a complicated situation. It was like the exterior of the building was making up for the hurt, anger, and secrets that lied within.

Sitting on her bed later that night Gillian felt like the past few days were a dream. The ride home from the rehab was more than awkward, it was excruciating. Billy was silently sobbing to himself, he even had to pulling over and asking her to drive. He felt like a failure. He felt like he was not pulling his weight, as a brother and most of all as my mom’s friend.

“I just can’t step in and pick up the pieces of a family that have been falling apart for years,” Billy said while described the pressure he had begun to put on himself.

They pulled into a drive-thru, thinking that the greasy food would drive down the feelings of despair that the family therapy session brought on. “Tonight reminded me of how much healing there needs to be done. You know I care about your family, but I can’t rush in and take care of every detail. I have to live my own life.”

“I know.” Gillian whispered

Billy turned to her, whipping the tears off his face with his sleeve and smiled. It was the first time he cracked a smile since arriving nine days ago.

They sat in the drive-thru waiting for the other cars to pull up, giggling. It all seemed so ridiculous at this point. The days had melted into a blur of frozen waffle breakfasts, odd conversations about high school, and tear filled Skype sessions with Leslie. Gillian had finally broken down and told her about the break up with Matthew. Leslie took comfort in the revelation and felt closer to her daughter than before. Their family was becoming closer, but in a 1970 soap opera type of way.

“Your dad thinks I should stay,” Billy said after their giggling fit was over. “Judy will still come over and help out during the day so I can get some work done, but I told my office that I won’t be back until next month.”

The lightness Gillian was feeling from the laugher of a few minutes ago was wearing off with every word her uncle spoke. She looked out the window at the cars driving by. She hated feeling like a burden.