Senior Stories: Gillian Lombart

9. Ready to Burst

Gillian woke up with Matthew’s arms around her. They had taken a drive up to the Berkeley hills, just to get away. The ride was short but quiet. It was just what Gillian needed.

It had been quiet since the moment he picked her up from her house. While she waited in the cold of the Bay fog, Gillian played out how their first meeting post break up would go, but Matthew never said anything. He just drove up to the house and opened the passenger door without getting out of the driver side. She silently got into the car; the radio was tuned to a country station. Neither passenger nor driver said a word to each other.

That is how it had always been, a silent understanding between the two of them. Words could not explain her anger, hurt, and confusion that the last week had brought about. Matthew didn’t need to hear it from her mouth that she was a wreck. He could see it in her eyes and the way she drew the long sleeves of her sweatshirt over her hands nervously as she looked down at the car floor.

He took her to the only location that would soothe her anxious behavior, the parking lot at the university’s science museum that had a clear view of the city. They had come there often while dating to watch the sunset and for late-night make out sessions. Gillian knew right away where they were headed when Matthew pulled his 1995 Lexus onto the winding road that lead up to the parking lot. She felt her heart beat slowly and the tension that was building in her neck and shoulders began to melt away. She must have drifted off to sleep halfway there.

“Thanks for picking me up,”

“I am just glad I picked up,” Matthew gazed down at her and stroked her hair. “You wanna talk about it or just sit here.”

“Can we just sit … I mean can we just sit here?” Gillian was beginning to regret calling him; this didn’t feel right he had a girlfriend now. “If you have to go somewhere or something you can just drop me off at home.”

“I am free all night.” Matthew shifted in his seat bringing her closer to his side of the car. “I canceled my plans.”

Gillian felt dirty. “I am sorry, I know things are different. The last thing you want to do is rescue your ex from,” Gillian paused struggling to tell him about her father, ultimately deciding to keep the real reason behind the frantic call a secret. “Feeling sorry for herself,” she filled in the silence.

“Listen Gills, I wouldn’t have rushed over if I thought you were just trying to get back together. Your call really frightened me, as a friend. What is going on?” Matthew let go of her and turned to look her in the face as if he were going to read her mind.

Taking a deep breath Gillian knew what she had to do. She had to tell someone about it the secret was making me go crazy. Jorge of course knew, but his outlook on the situation was too optimistic, and he pushed aside her worries about what will happen when her dad got out. He had his own stuff going on and for some reason Gillian got the feeling he just didn’t want to hear about it. Her and Jorge’s relationship was all about being a broken pair. Between the breakup and college Gillian felt that talking about her dad too much with Jorge was stretching the limits of their friendship.

She needed to confide in someone who would just let her talk and cry without trying to force some rosy picture.

“My dad went into rehab.”

Matthew reached for her hand but pulled it away. “Oh Gills, I am so sorry. How are you holding up?”

“I am doing okay,” Gillian lied. Matthew instinctively raised an eyebrow. “Ok, I am a hot mess.”

“You need to talk about it? Or do you just need quiet?”

“Honestly I am sick of talking and I am sick of the quiet. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but you know we are doing the therapy thing and my uncle is staying with us and he isn’t much of a talker.”

“How did this all happen?”

“My dad has just been getting worse and worse. I know you haven’t been over since, well before we…” I couldn’t find the words to tell Matthew how sorry she was. “Matt.” I looked up from staring at my hands and into his eyes lit by the soft lighting created from the parking lot lamps and the fog rolling in from the Bay. “I didn’t mean what I said. With my dad’s depression and my mom being gone, the thought of you leaving me was too much.”

Matthew drew his and over his shortly trimmed hair and down his face and let out a huge sigh. “I was never going to leave you. I wanted you to come with me. I still want you to come with me.”

“What about Little Miss Perfect,” Gillian said with resentment seeping through.

“Can we not talk about that now?” Matthew placed his hand gently over hers. “I am here for you right now. So girly, what do you want silence, serious talking about relationship stuff, or,” he paused and grinned at her. “Frozen yogurt?”

“You know me too well, fro yo always comes first.” Gillian felt her mood lighten. She was finally able to relax and in that very instance her family’s situation was far from my mind.