One Night Stand (girlxgirl)

Chapter 23

Jessica's POV:

When I died, I would like to say the world became a better place. Really, my death did nothing. Nothing truly changed. I was just a speck that existed out of billions of people, now permanently wiped off the face of the Earth. And for what? Loving the girl of my dreams? I would have died for our love any day. But I didn't die. I was only joking. I know death isn't something to be joking around about, but that's how I feel. Like the old Jessica died. In a way, she did. I would never be the same after what took place. How could I possibly be? And if I had died, what would it have really changed? Nothing. It would have only effected the people close to me. I should have taken Amanda seriously, I should have opened my eyes to the danger that was lurking, always lurking in my presence. I never felt truly safe around her. There's no way I could have, seeing how much she hated gay people, especially me. I was the target for all of her hate. To her, I was true evil. I was the devil. I don't hate Amanda. She's someone who's sick. I don't know what will happen to her, but I hope that she gets the help that she needs. I will always fear her though, and she will be the demon in all of my nightmares. She will be the monster hiding under my bed, or in my closet.

As for myself, I don't even know what will happen. I don't know how I will be able to move on. I don't remember the attack itself, but Amanda's face haunts me. I was in a coma for almost three weeks, and I fought for my life. I fought to get back to reality. I fought to break out of that coma, or in other words, that prison, only to wake into another prison. I can't escape this prison though, this prison is now my life. I'm fortunate to be alive and everything, but I know that life will never be the same. The light at the end of my tunnel is Brianna, and I will finally be able to see her for the first time today since everything happened.

I will need physical therapy and will be going to a treatment facility for that. It's an out patient one, so at least I will hopefully be able to be in Brianna's arms, the only place I truly want to be. The place I crave to be right now. I was told that if Amanda hit me an inch to the left, I would have been completely brain dead. I would have been a vegetable. Then, would I have wished my parents would have had the decency to pull the plug. I keep telling myself to stop being so negative, and to be positive and look towards the future, and not to the past. It's just so hard. I didn't even make it to my high school graduation. I got my diploma, but all that hard work leading up to one event, for me to just get brutally assaulted and miss it. It could be worse though. I could have been in a coma for 3 years, or maybe for the rest of my life.

When my mother saw me after the bashing, she was warm and loving. She pretended as though my lesbian side didn't exist, that I was still her straight Christian daughter who was going to grow up being a doctor or some shit, with a husband and five kids. That's not the life I want though. That was never the life I wanted. Getting married and kids yes, husband no. My mother acted as though she had done no wrong to me in the past, and that she had always been the perfect mother to me. It was nice that we were taking again, even if it was somewhat fake, and the circumstances around us reuniting was horrible.

When my father saw me, he had tears streaming down his face. This was the first time I had ever seen him truly cry. I told him it would be okay, and that he didn't have a reason to cry. My body was broken, and maybe about 90% of my spirit too. But there was still that 10% fighting. Fighting for me not to fall into the deep depression that's calling out to me. That's calling my name. It's the part of me that is the positive side. I would like to say that I was broken, and only my body was cracked. But really, it was all of me that was cracked. I know that I will be better eventually. That's my positive side talking. Deep down, I know that it's the truth though. I will be okay. Things will get better, even if that seems impossible right now.