Philophobia ||l.h||

VII.

A/n:

K so things are a little sexual at the beginning of this chapter.

•Past•

"Shhh, Moon, you have to be quiet!" Ellie whispers against my ear, the heat of her breath making me shiver.

It was the seventh month of Ellie and I's relationship, and I never thought I would come to love someone so much in such little time. Apparently it wasn't that hard to love Ellie.

We always snuck around behind my parents back, and sexual tension was something we both struggled with hiding. We would sneak kisses behind their backs, or hot and heavy make out sessions in my room at night, but becoming sexual with Ellie was a horrifying thought to me.

Ellie being older, had slept with many girls. Considering she had known she was interested in girls since she was 8, she knew she didn't have to worry about pregnancy. Messing around to her was different from what it was in my eyes.

To her, losing her virginity was no big deal. But, here I am, moaning at the small act of her kissing my neck. I felt like an idiot.

My first kiss was sloppy, and every boy I had ever been with hadn't got past 2nd base.

So Ellie rubbing me over my underwear was a huge thing to work up to.

I'm blushing like crazy, because my chest is exposed and she is fully clothed. She must hear my heavy breathing, because she stops, and pulls away from my body.

"You're nervous, aren't you?" She asks, trying to be casual about this current encounter.

Truth is Ellie intimidated me. I didn't know what to do around her. I knew she loved me, so I knew her intentions weren't skewed, but I also knew I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't want to disappoint someone I loved with all my being.

She sighs.

"Moon, you know I would never," she kisses my cheek. "Ever." She kisses my forehead. "Hurt you." She looks in my eyes deeply, until I smile at her, and she kisses me again.

But I still don't react. She huffs, pulling away with an exasperated look on her face. She's annoyed with me now.

"Is it because I'm a girl?" Even though I wasn't expecting that question, it did scare me that I would be losing my virginity to someone of the same gender. Considering I had been told my whole life that it was wrong.

Deep down, I knew it wasn't, but it still scared me.

When I become teary eyed, her face falls, and I know she feels guilty for raising her voice with me.

"Listen." Her voice is soft now.

I look into her deep marble eyes, and admire how lucky I was to have someone so stunning. I didn't deserve her.

"Rather me or a boy, I want whoever you lose your virginity to to be gentle and truly love you. You deserve that. I would absolutely love to be the one to cherish you in that way for the first time. But if that's not what you want, I'm not going to try and tell you any different. I want you to feel like a queen when it happens, and if  I'm not the person to do that, then say so."

A tear falls at her words, and I say nothing. I just kiss her. That was enough to let her know I wanted my first to be her.

The kiss was loving, and when she started stripping herself of her clothes, the reality of the situation finally hit me.