Rewound {PTX}

Video

We finish Love Again in six days. Not just the song, but the studio recording and the video. The whole group is incredibly passionate about the song, and it has come together perfectly. It's not the same in every detail, but the overall effect is startlingly similar. "This is incredible," I gush as we upload it. "Can you believe we did this in under a week? I'm blown away."

"We didn't do anything!" Avi says. "You made our parts in advance. You came up with the cyberpunk theme too. This is all yours."

"Cyberpunk would have been Kirstie's idea, and the arrangement would have been collaborative. And even if you don't believe me, you've got to admit that you all at least sang it!"

"It's up!" Scott proclaims. "I'll race you all to tweet the link!"

"Scott, I tweeted that link, like, forever ago."

"Technically that was still in the future though. It's from 2012, right? Get tweeting. Ha! You're too late now!" He spins around triumphantly.

Avi refreshes the page. "Whoa! Fifty likes already!" Only fifty? Lame. I bite my tongue, though. I'm not supposed to think like that. I'm supposed to appreciate every like and not worry about the numbers. I'm just spoiled from being a lot more famous than this in the future. Avi keeps refreshing the page every thirty seconds and being amazed at the results. I act excited for a while, then excuse myself to go home.

When I arrive, there's an unfamiliar car on the driveway. Probably because I don't own this house yet. Whoops. I turn around and go to my apartment, turn off all the lights, lie in my bed, and begin the very slow process of returning home.

Home? I shouldn't call 2015 that. I shouldn't accidentally drive to my future house either. I have two domiciles now, and they're both my home, just like I have two Scotts, and they're both my Scott. I shouldn't default to one or the other. It's hard, though, when the future is so familiar. This, though, here and now, is real. I have to remember that this is as much my life now as 2015 is. I can't treat it as secondary or extra. That wouldn't be fair to Scott.

I cast my memory backward step by step. Before I was uploading Love Again, I was teaching it to Pentatonix. Before that, I was talking to 2011 Scott, answering all his questions. I want him to know me better. I hope he'll decide I'm an adequate substitute for his Mitch. Before that, I came to 2011 mid-sentence. I told 2011 Scott that 2015 Scott was telling me the truth about how he, 2011 Scott, actually feels. Before that, I was in 2015. I had just caught Scott by surprise. He thought I was away, and he was tracing out my timeline on the window. I was saying something. "I'm also thinking about-" was as far as I got. I was going to tell him I was thinking about what he said about hoping and dreaming. I was going to tell him that I would try it. Now I can tell him I have tried it. I don't think I'm doing it quite right, though. I'm worrying, not dreaming. I took a big risk and completely changed Pentatonix's trajectory, and that's supposed to be exciting, but it's really just stressing me out.

Focus. I was talking to Scott. I was amused at the time because of our conversation about mind-reading. He told me I was always right just because he knows I love hearing it. I relax and play the conversation over and over in my mind, trying to recollect little details like the exact intonation of each word. I dwell on how I felt at each moment. Anticipation is the best anchor. If I'm looking forward to something or dreading it, it's always easier to make myself switch. I concentrate for hours, trying to remember every detail.

~Suddenly, I'm back. The room is full of sunlight, and Scott is standing before me in his PJs, listening attentively. I let out the word I'm already forming. "What..." I have to consider for a moment before I find the next word. I was also thinking about what, "you said. I was thinking about dreaming. I was about to tell you I'd try collaborating with 2011 Pentatonix. I was going to tell you, but then I kind of skipped back there just now and taught them Love Again."

"Seriously? When?"

"In the middle of my last sentence, actually."

"You didn't even stutter!"

"You should have heard me in 2011. I was better coming back because I returned on purpose. We've just released Love Again, but before I ask them to write a song for us, I want to bring back proof. It's October 5th there. Help me find albums released around then?"

The Internet is incredible. Wikipedia has a whole list of albums released in 2011, sorted chronologically. Nothing sticks out, though. "Hey, good timing!" Scott says. "Singles Club starts October 11th."

"Close enough. Paramore is a lot better than what I'm looking at. What's the first single?"

Scott laughs at his phone. "Renegade."

"So be it. I'm just gonna listen to it on loop until I go back."

"Wait, but it says they've already performed it at their label party. It doesn't prove anything if you could have just found a recording online."

"Back to Vacation by Big Scary, then. I'm not sure it'll be enough, though. I can't simply ring up Haley Williams and ask to hear her unreleased tracks, but I could literally just tweet Big Scary. Avi won't be persuaded. Maybe knowing the release date will be enough, though? Maybe he won't notice it's already been posted online. You know what, I'm just going to learn both and hope he believes me. At least Kirstie will believe me. Oh, by the way, Scott, other Scott is mad at you for telling me what's going on in his head. I appreciate it, though. I think you were right, even if he didn't want to admit it. Mind if I loop Paramore and Big Scary all week?"

"Go for it. I'm gonna get my wardrobe act together so we can film Superfruit because you're back early." There's no point in arguing that he's sick and should rest. He won't be happy if he's not doing something productive. Today, that's holding a conversation one word at a time.

"Welcome," Scott begins.

"To"

"Superfruit,"

"The"

"Best"

"Show"

"On"

"The"

"Internet!"

It's seamless. Each word flows perfectly into the next and it almost sounds like only one person is talking. We practically are one person. I want desperately to fix that chemistry in 2011. Am I comparing 2011 Scott to 2015 Scott, though? That's a rubbish thing to do. I just need to give it time and remember they're not exactly the same.