You'll Just Know

Chapter 10-Luke

*A/N-I'm really enjoying writing this book, hopefully everyone likes it! Please leave me feedback in the comments, I would really enjoy it! xx

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I didn’t listen much. I didn’t want to hear what other people thought of my dad. It was mostly the same stuff anyway. ‘He was a great man.’ ‘He was nice to everyone.’

The words all sounded like bullshit to me. 

Finally, it was my turn to say a few words. I hadn’t really wanted to, but my mom had looked at me in that pleading way of hers that made me remember my promise to my dad about taking care of her. So I agreed to do it. 

I stepped up to the podium and pulled out the crinkled paper I had crumpled into a ball in my pocket. I fixed the microphone so it was my height. I stared out at the crowd, taking in the crowd of people who had shown up to his funeral. I met the eyes of my mom, Robert, and Rachel. My glance drifted towards Brittany. Her face was downcast, but as if she felt my gaze on her, her dark eyes lifted to meet mine. There were tears down her cheeks, and I suddenly felt a jolt of panic. 

My dad had told me to take care of her, too. And I had failed him. The night at the party, I had left her, and even though it had been before my promise, I had still been rude to her afterward. She didn’t deserve that. 

I let out a long sigh. Finally, I looked down at the words I had written on the paper, reading them over quickly before realizing how stupid and impersonal they were. I crumpled the paper back up, leaving my fist on the podium. 

“My dad,” I began, breathing deep to keep my voice calm, “Was the greatest man I’ve ever known. He thought of everyone and everything. He even thought of things I would never have.” I didn’t look at Brittany when I said this, knowing I couldn’t face her after the way I treated her. I ran my fingers through my hair, realizing how hard it was to find the right words. “God, I miss you Dad,” I felt my voice quiver, and hated myself for not being tough in front of my mother, in front of the whole town. “I keep thinking, that, you’re just on a business trip, and you’ll be back in a few days. But then I remember, that you’re not coming back. That you’re on a permanent business trip. I’ll see you again, though.” The church had gone deathly quiet, and I felt every eye on me. “So it’s not good-bye, it’s see you soon,” I murmured, stepping down from the stage and striding down the aisle, not paying attention to my mother’s sobs or the mutters coming from the people around me.

I only focused on getting the hell out of the church before the tears hit my cheeks. I did not like crying. Crying and wussies were one and the same in my family. I was pretty sure my dad wouldn’t appreciate me crying in front of everyone about him. He would have been extremely embarrassed. 

So I left, and sat in my truck, until I saw everyone file out the church. Then I went back in, ignoring the comments from people who pitied me. I helped Robert and a few other men load Dad into the hearse that would take him to the cemetery.

Then I went back to my truck, turned on my headlights, and got ready to pull out of the parking lot, when a sharp rapping on my window jerked my attention to the passenger’s side door. A blond head appeared, the dark hazel eyes haltingly familiar.

I rolled down my window. “What, Brit?” I kicked myself for using her nickname. 

“Can I ride with you?” her voice was meek. Her hands were gripping so tight on the door, I was sure she was going to leave a dent. Her eyes were rimmed with red, and the bluish gray bags under her eyes seemed to have gotten worse since I saw her earlier that week. Funny how so much could change in only seven days.