"White Diamond"

The canal

Then the visit to the canal with his friends. Pacing the area babbling to himself. I fuck up men! I fuck up really bad! I'm not ready for no kid!
"What's wrong bey" questioned Dave
"Nothing at all "
" you round here pacing like a tiger in it's cage,talk to me I'm here bro "
" nothing men,fuck just pass me the joint and mind your fucking business"

Damn what's this Nigga stress? I never anticipated today to be just as it is now. What you gone do with a friend that's reluctant to speak to you even when he's in problems. Then he complains no one understands him. How is it that one can understand you . When all that you do is hide in a shell.
Deep thinking, ebony just don't know how hard the hustle on the street is. I'm not what she picture me to be. Every time we spent Time together she looks at me with deep affection. I feel as if I'm not good enough for her.I'm not what she deserve. I want to man up so bad to be the Nigga she need. It's difficult out there when your just one man. So many holes to crawl in. I'm just not her perfect boyfriend like she pictures me to be. He knew that the drunken episode he played out was disastrous. He thought of Ebony still home lying in distress. Nothing, not even his friends who once chuckled at these events. They were baffled by his erratic behavior. He seemed out of touch with himself. They sat behind him on the rails and stared at his broad shoulders leaning over into the pond. They knew he was always a joker and didn't mind when he shot a curse word at them. This time was different. He shot a curse word at them but he was serious as a judge. It feels like a little claustrophobic world. As if the entire earth is enclosed with walls. I could perceive the sky steadily descending on me. I can't fucking breathe. They're right behind me ogling me like a lion would to it's prey right before it attack. I look across gazing at the water before me. So rich in it's gorgeous colors.
How would I bring a child into this world? How difficult would it be? He was having flashback of how his mother died giving birth to him and this made him quivered. He feared that the same event can occur to her. Never having a chance to meet his mom. All he recall was stories that was said to him of those that made memories with her
. If I had a mother what would she be like? Would she spoil me like other parents do. Tell me it's okay even when it's not. I'm suppose to be a man but I feel weak!
Then he started smoking again.Everyone has their remedy to stress or something just to release them from their worries. His was weed. Setting him free from the recent thoughts and giving him the ability to breathe again. He felt like giving up, but another puff of weed give him a new rush of adrenaline urging him on. He felt like himself again as the laughter of his friends filled the air.
"What's so funny y'all"
"Go back in your depressed box for you kill the mood for us again"
" I'm Good man,weed is life I feel great now"
"No Rodger ,pussy"
And they all burst out in laughter.
"Y'all ready for Erin's dinner tomorrow" asked dave
" shit I forget I gotta bounce bey" and they offered farewells to each other.
Dawn was met with a dewless fragrance. Rodger was empty inside with feelings of guilt and intuition still badgering him. He was also excited for tomorrow; this day was the day he were to go out to dinner with his friends.

He knew that he must apologize to ebony before the night died. While the night was still young he drove to rainbows flowers to buy her a bouquet of a dozen roses. Who knew apologizing would be so hard? What should I say? How do I say it?
Reaching his destination he came out of the car and again realize light was off. He stood to the front door and cursed at himself. Then he sat down for a moment. He tried implementing what words to say to her. Words that won't add gasoline to the fire that's already there .
Baby I'm sorry for the things I said last night. No! Goodnight Bb? No!
It was like his conscience couldn't agree to the thoughts that floated through out his mind. Swear evaporated out of his pores. He was nervous but nervous for what? He'd never once had to apologize with a pride and ego so big. It feels like he's breaking rules and priorities. How hard is it to say sorry but my pride so big it hurts. He dawdled back to the front door and steadily unlock it.
"Baby" and there wasn't in answer .
"Bb" still there was no reply but she heard him loud enough.
He strode along towards the bedroom and there she was sitting down. She had eyes of fury causing him regrets of what he said last night. He give her the roses and she refused them. Bending on one knee as if he was about to execute a marriage proposal.
"Baby am sorry,sorry for being the one that cost your tears. I was drunk, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me".
She took his hands in hers and demand him to get up.
"A drunk man speaks a sober heart"
"But"
" don't give me no bullshit,I forgive you but I'd never forget"
"I'd believe you if you kiss me"
She rest her lips on his submitting to his demand.
"We got dinner To go to tomorrow night"
"I forget" as she rushed towards her phone To ring ivory To cancel tonights meet up. She gradually walk back to the room. They both fell asleep in each other's arm.