You (Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph)

How Does That Make You Feel?

"And how does that make you feel? Her death... couldn't have been easy on you. Just explain to me what you're feeling, right now..."

I feel.. I feel like I'm drowning on dry land. I feel like I'm choking on air, or falling up. I can't breathe when I get like this, I can't think, I can't control anything. And that's hard, knowing that I can't control anything, I'm at the mercy of what others think of me. I can't take them on my own, and I'm afraid. Afraid of myself and everyone else aswell. All around me is on fire and even I've been enveloped in the flames and everyone around me is so thirsty they'd rather drink the water than help fight the fire. I can't save myself, I can't help myself, I can't fucking free myself. I'm worthless and broken and-

"Tyler? Tyler, you aren't speaking again. Are you alright?.. can you hear me?" My therapist, Amber questioned softly, her small pale hand with dark red polish waving infront of my dull, zoned out brown eyes.

"Uh yeah. Sorry, just thinking." I stumbled, the words escaping my lips in a tired broken voice. It was one I barely recognized as my own, then again I hadn't spoken in so long, maybe I had always sounded this broken. "And to answer your question, I'm fine. Yes, Her death was hard, but I'm.. coping"

"I'm glad to hear that Tyler. I have high hopes and expectations for your future-

She's an idiot. Anyone with eyes could tell I'm not exactly "well adjusted" now that she's gone.. but at least she tries. She may not be a good therapist, but it's obvious by how understanding she is, she's seen pain and she doesn't want anyone else to feel it. I like that about her. I think that may be the only reason I keep coming back. Unlike everyother therapist I've seen, she genuinely tries.

"And, with all that being said, our time is up for today." She said, standing and motioning for me to join her. "I'll see you Tuesday at eleven sharp, alright Tyler?"

"Yeah, uh I'll see you then" I said, my gaze falling to the floor in attempts to dodge hers, walking out the door as fast as my twig legs could carry me.

I pressed the button for the elevator, drawing in a breath as the door opened, only to realize much to my satisfaction that it was empty anyway.

I took a step inside, immediately pressing the door close button, and then the illuminated number one. I leaned against the wall opposite, my cheat heaving as my breathing slowly went back to normal.

I just need to get home, then I can talk and you have no choice but to listen. I need to be home, where it's safe. I need to go-

The elevator doors opened and I peeled myself away from the wall, making myself small as I walked past the group of people waiting to go in, flinching as one of the womans low hanging bags hit the back of my leg. This paranoia, this wasn't me. I hate this me.

I made it to the door in record time, pulling before realizing I needed to push the door open, my cheeks quickly tinting pink once I had realized my error. I arrived my spotless silver Porsche, pressing my key chain, strangely satisfied my the loud beep it made indicating to me that it was unlocked. I jumped in, pulling the door shut behind me and clicking my seat belt. I stared down at the steering wheel, letting out a uneven breath and sending a shaky damp hand through my messy unkept hair.

I started the car and checked all three mirrors before beginning to back out, looking from left to right just to make sure I was still safe. I got to the front and slid my paper parking card in the slot and my credit card in the other, the machine making questionable grinding noises before spitting out my card and thanking me on a tiny dirty screen. I grabbed it out of the machine as I watched the yellow and black striped arm slowly rise, driving under it as soon as it seemed safe.

I made my way out to the street and took a left, the way home from anywhere in this city so etched into my mind that I didn't even have to think about it anymore, I just knew. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket as I pulled off the high way, ignoring the sound of it vibrating against the leather and the feel of it against my thigh, knowing who it would be.. not quite ready to face it.

I pulled into my drive way just under nine minutes later, pulling the keys out and clicking my seat belt undone. I gave the car one last quick look over before I opened the door and hopped out, finding the gold key that opened the door of my aparment building. I climbed the stairs to the second floor and stopped at number 105.

Once I got inside I went to the living room, closing the blinds that the maid had most likely left open, emptying the contents of my pockets onto the table and falling back onto the couch.

Lets get this straight, I'm not crazy, I'm just alone- alone I need someone, anyone, and that's why I need you. Ive been alone for too long. See, My wife, she's.. gone now. But it's okay.. with you I won't be alone. I just.. need someone.