Longing For Your Love.....

part - 18

Jungkook tossed his jacket onto the bed and sat down heavily on the edge of the mattress. For a moment, he just sat there, elbows on his knees, staring......blankly at the floor. His body was tired.....burning from long hours and endless meetings....but his mind was even worse.

Every time he closed his eyes, it was Gukk’s little face he saw.
Its been 4 years he has last seen him..
4 years

Pouting. Crying. Laughing sometimes.

And Taehyung.
The look in her eyes the last time they fought.
The pain.

He cursed under his breath, dragging his hand through his hair roughly before standing up and heading to the bathroom.

The mirror caught his reflection and for a second, Jungkook just stared at himself.
Eyes tired.
Jaw tight.
There was no warmth left in his face.
Only a ghost of the man he used to be when Taehyung and Gukk filled the house with laughter.

He didn’t recognize himself anymore.
Maybe Taehyung didn’t either.

Without thinking too much, he stripped off his clothes and stepped into the shower, turning the water as cold as he could bear.
He needed to feel something.
Anything.

The freezing water hit him hard, but he didn’t flinch. He just stood there, letting the cold bite into his skin, trying to numb the ache in his chest.

Thoughts crowded his mind again.
The same cycle.
The same regret.

He hadn’t ignored Gukk because he didn’t care.

When Gukk was small, he was so fragile, so soft. Jungkook had been terrified of making him weak.
In the mafia world, softness was a death sentence.
He thought he was doing the right thing .....teaching Gukk toughness, discipline, emotional distance.

But kids didn’t need that.
They needed love.
A warm hug after a nightmare.
A smile when they showed you their messy crayon drawings.
An "I’m proud of you" even when they made silly mistakes.

And Gukk had never gotten that from him.

With Hwan, it was different.
Hwan was older, stronger by the time Jungkook took full responsibility for him.
He didn’t seem to need that constant affection.
He already understood the coldness of their life.

But Gukk... Gukk had needed his father.
And Jungkook had failed.

A broken breath escaped his throat and he leaned his forehead against the cold, wet tiles.
He didn’t even notice the tear that slipped from his eye, mixing with the shower water running down his face.

"What have I done?"
"I tried to protect them... and ended up pushing them away."

The cold didn’t bother him anymore.
Nothing did.

Minutes passed ...... maybe hours.
He wasn’t sure.
When he finally moved, it was slow, mechanical.
He turned off the water and grabbed a towel, rubbing it over his hair lazily.

He didn’t feel better.
Just... emptier.

Dragging himself back into the bedroom, he pulled on some black sweatpants and a loose hoodie.
He sat at the edge of the bed again, elbows resting on his knees, head hanging low.

He thought about Taehyung.
Where was she right now?
Was Gukk sleeping beside her?

Did he even remember Jungkook?

The thought made something twist painfully in his chest.

The painful look in tae face earlier when they meet made his heart sink ....

He wanted them back.
Desperately.
But he didn’t even know where to start fixing the mess he had made.
He had destroyed the trust Taehyung had in him.
He had crushed the soft, innocent heart of his little boy.

His thoughts drifted to the girl he met today at the park

Kiara.

He had met her accidentally.
She had smiled up at him with that same stubborn little tilt of the head Taehyung used to do.
And those eyes...
God, those eyes.

He had felt something pull at him, deep in his gut, the moment he saw her.
But he had shrugged it off.
There were millions of people who might have shared features.
He couldn’t go insane imagining connections where none existed.

But still...
Her laugh.
Her little pout when she spoke.
The way she had shyly called him "uncle" with that sparkle in her eyes.

It haunted him.

Was it possible?
Was she...

He shook his head roughly.
No.
Taehyung would never hide something like that from him.
Would she?

Or maybe she would.
Maybe she didn’t trust him enough anymore.
Maybe he didn’t deserve to know.

Jungkook’s hands clenched into fists on his knees.

He had to fix this.
He had to.
No matter what it took.
Even if he had to beg.
Even if he had to tear himself apart.

He wanted his family back.

And this time...
This time, he would do it right.

No coldness.
No harshness.
No stupid ideas about "toughening" them up for the world.
He would protect them by being their warmth.
Their home.

He would be the kind of father Gukk deserved.
The kind of partner Taehyung deserved.
The kind of man he himself could be proud of when he looked in the mirror.

He wiped his face again, sniffing once, trying to compose himself.

Tomorrow.
Tomorrow would be a new start.

He would find a way to reach them.
He would show them that he had changed.
That he wasn’t that cold, scared man anymore.

He would bring his family home.

No matter how long it took.

No matter how hard he had to fight.

But he know that its not easy... tae will not accept him easily . ....
He has to prove himself to her ... for her love... for gukks love filled eyes. .. for hwans trust...

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Sorry for the short chapters.....

And I am alive guys don't worry .... i will post more regularly....

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Next part will come as soon the target is over ....