A/N: The character of a young, pre-teen girl named Naomi seems to pop up in my short works often. We're very close. I'm frightfully sure she's me from the past.
It was that time of year when roly-poly bugs crawled up drains, or from cracks in the walls. Naomi stared at the creatures crawling around in the bathtub. She wondered if they saw her. Goosebumps crept up her spine. She didn’t want anyone to see her. Kneeling at the bathtub, she poked one of the bugs. The segments of its thorax rolled into a protective ball. I wish I could do that, Naomi thought.
She poked all of the bugs and they all rolled into small, grey orbs. She stood, turned on the water, and washed the bugs down the drain. They’ll be back tomorrow, Naomi thought, putting the plug into the tub and turning the dial to warm. She squeezed lime dish soap into the water. It made the best bubbles. Then she stood in front of the mirror and pulled off the overlarge t-shirt that she wore to bed. The girl slipped off her underwear and stood in front of the mirror naked. She frowned.
Her underwear had created red indents on her hips. The same hips she thought were too wide. The hated hips gave way to the slopes of her bum that prevented her from buttoning jeans that fit only last year. Her chest had grown too. Training bras didn’t fit, and her mother bought her padded bras with underwire. The backs of the bras were itchy and the straps kept slipping down. Justin, a boy in her class, saw the purple bra strap peeping out from under the sleeve of her t-shirt yesterday. He had laughed when Naomi hurriedly pulled it back up.
In the changing rooms before gym class, Naomi stood in the corner and hugged her gym clothes to her body. Awkwardly, she had tried to pull on her shorts while hiding the new curves her figure adopted. The girls around her did the same. Shame and embarrassment was tangible. The lucky girls ran into the two bathroom stalls to change in privacy. Others lingered on the benches waiting till everyone left.
Naomi sighed as she gazed at her reflection. The steam from her bath water began fogging up the mirror. Soon her body was obscured. Good, she thought. She stepped up to the bath and turned the water off. When she immersed herself in the hot water the nerves in her cold feet screamed. The pigment of her skin turned red.
She lay on her back, and her hair fanned around her head. The quiet crackling sound of popping bubbles and the occasional sound of water splashing against the porcelain tub as Naomi rearranged her legs was all she heard. She closed her eyes. Unbidden, images from the changing rooms came to mind. She imagined the pretty girls from her class laughing at all of the bigger bodies in the room. The pretty girls with slim hips and not-so-big chests were laughing at her.
Naomi’s lip trembled. She opened her eyes and saw that a lot of the bubbles had popped, exposing her body. She would give anything to not feel this way about herself, but every time she closed her eyes and wished for a perfect body she never changed. She was stuck in this roly-poly shell. Naomi couldn’t remember the exact day she was started feeling self-conscious of her body. But she thought that it had something to do with becoming school age. Before she entered school she wore her birthday suit around the house as proudly as only a four-year-old could. But after swimming lessons, dance lessons, kindergarten and sleepovers, Naomi became shy and modest and it has been that way ever since.
Today she felt differently. She realized that she was sick of hating herself and she wanted a change. She was tired of hearing her friends saying they were chubby and wanted to lose a few pounds. She was fed up with seeing her beautiful mother choke down spinach milkshakes for supper instead of the pasta dishes she loved, just to fit into a dress she wore before Naomi was born. The dress was out of style anyway. Naomi wanted a change. But, like always, change comes gradually.
Firstly, Naomi wanted to stop avoiding mirrors. She finished bathing, stepped out of the tub, dried herself, and approached the mirror. She swiped away the steam and took a good look at her naked body. “You are beautiful,” she said. “You have nice skin, sexy curves, great hair, and your mother’s cute, round face. I deserve to love myself.” She smiled and drew a heart next to her reflection in the steam.
When she got to her room she selected a red dress that showed off her legs. She would have never worn such a dress before. Then she told her mom that she wanted to go to the beach. Her mom said that they both didn’t have bathing suits. “Then we’ll have to go shopping,” Naomi said, smiling.
Naomi helped her mom pick out a swimsuit. It was a halter-style patterned with royal purple irises. She could tell her mom loved it. “Are you sure? It's not too revealing?” her mother asked.
“Mom, you’re beautiful,” Naomi said. And she really meant it. And Naomi’s mom smiled wider than she had in a long time.
Naomi chose a hot pink one-piece with frills on the front. Before they paid for their purchases her mother asked Naomi if she wanted a swimsuit cover. Normally, she would have said yes, but today was different. She shook her head no.
The two had a blast at the beach. Naomi felt free and happy and didn’t once think about what other people thought about her appearance. They got tans in places that had previously never seen the sun. Then their smile-aching mouths devoured cotton-candy ice-cream, before riding home with the windows rolled down and their favourite country music blasting from the radio. Her mother skipped the spinach smoothie that evening, and Naomi grinned to herself as they cooked a delicious dish of homemade ravioli.
For the next few weeks, Naomi began complimenting her friends. She found joy in picking their best features or noticing their new clothes, and commenting how genuinely good they looked. It was as if she saw their confidence rise with every compliment.
“You look really nice in that new blouse, Farah.”
“Michelle, that haircut really suits your shape of face.”
“Justin, you’re looking good today.”
Their eyes brightened, their smiles were sincere, and they held their heads a little higher. Naomi got a lot of compliments back. And she even made some new friends. Her old friends saw how confident she was becoming and wanted to follow in her footsteps.
Today, in the changing rooms before gym class, Naomi undressed at her own pace. She didn’t try to hide her body or her curves. Other girls followed her lead. All shapes and sizes dressed together without embarrassment or shame. Naomi stood in her underwear in front the mirror and closed her eyes. She wished for a perfect body. When she opened her eyes she saw that her body was the same, but her wish had come true.
