Merthur - Love in the Time of War

Chapter 9 - What The Heart Wants

Merlin's POV

I dash out of the tent in a hurry. I ignore the surprised looks of the druids as I pass. I run. I run to get as far away from Arthur as possible. I don't want to see him. I don't want to hear his voice. I want nothing to do with him.

How could he say those things? I know he didn't know about my magic but... it still hurt. It hurts so much. My heart stings as the words play back in my head over and over. Sorcerers are... they're all corrupted! I quickly shake the words from my head. Stop it Merlin! You'll kill yourself like this!

I keep running. I don't stop until I feel like I'm far enough away from him. I finally skitter to halt by a large tree. I slump my back against its trunk and slide down its rough surface until my bottom hits the ground. I curl my legs into myself, clutching them closely to my chest. I bury my head in between the two parts. Once again tears prickle at the corners of my eyes. I wipe them away quickly.

Stop crying you idiot. Why are you even crying in the first place? I pause. Why am I crying? Yes, the words stung but there's something else. Almost like... like I'm afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid that Arthur will hate me. I shiver at the thought. I don't want that to happen. I don't want him to hate me... to leave me.

Why? My brain asks. Why don't you want him to leave?

Because I love him... My heart replies simply.

Then why don't you go back? Why did you run? My brain asks in confusion.

Because I don't know if I can forgive him. My shattered heart answers.

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Arthur's POV

Merlin... It's painful to see him run away like that. Especially knowing that I'm the reason for it. I make up my mind. I need to talk to him. Sort things out. I'm about o sprint off after him when I hear Aglain sigh behind me. "Leave him," he says.

I turn. Aglain has a sad look in his eyes. The same ones he had when I was attacking him earlier. "I'm not going to listen to a druid. I'm going," I respond with irritation.

"I said leave him," Aglain's tone changes to one of frustration. "It's better for both of you if you just went your separate ways."

Rage burns inside me even more then it already was. "Went our separate ways?! I'm not going to leave Merlin alone!"

"Why are you so desperate to chase after him?"

I hesitate. Why am I? Why do I want to chase him? He's... he's a sorcerer, and sorcerers can't be trusted. So why am I willing to run off into the forest to chase after him? Why don't I want to lose him?! The questions float around in my mind. I mentally kick my stupid head. Why can't I answer his question? After another few moments I can see Aglain give a sad smile.

"You don't even know yourself. That is the reason why you shouldn't go after him, you can't even decide what he is to you," he says, turning around.

What Merlin is... to me? I think of who Merlin is. He's a kind person. Someone who will go out of his way to help a friend. He's selfless and always has others on his mind. He has the most beautiful smile. One that's contagious to all around him. He couldn't have faked all that. There is no way. Merlin isn't a corrupted sorcerer like my father says all people who use magic are. He is a kind and gentle soul.

I realize now what I was doing wrong. I shouldn't be asking my head these questions. I should be asking my heart and I know what it will say.