There are so many scars

should I expect something for the future?

"Today in no way is going to be like TOMORROW" 

Actually I think is not that bad for me to want to get out my fucking house I mean, that pushes me to  put all of my effort into starting to create a life in the outside .

I have so many dreams and most of them do not involve me being with my family, throughout my life my mom has raise me and my sister to be so different and so alike at the same time and it sounds like a cliché and I think it is actually one. I mean I'm so independent and she is so dependent from everyone, but I can't fucking stand her because everything I do she does and my parents say it is okay but it jus fucking bothers me so much I mean I can't stand copycats or whatever you wanna call them so now imagine living with one.

If you ask anybody from my family like my aunt or cousin or whatever they would say that I'm the one who is more responsible and the best behaved, one time one of my sunts said that she pictured me being in my office working in my own succesfull company and pictured my sister at parties , that actually hitted me like I didn't want to be the "right" or "good" girl like that actually sounded really dull to me, because I'm a different person at home and at school not like a hypocrite or a lier but I know where and how to act or behave, at school I'm such a party girl like you can't imagine how many bad things I've done and they (teachers) haven't found out yet because I know how to cover up things and watch my back without risking my image neither my grades and still having fun, I mean I am such a talkative person and that does not change at a class but I have the gift of still catching what the teachers says while I'm talking with someone and after a certain time the teachers realize that, and also see that their intent of making me pay attention and no talking would just not work , it doesn't really matter who is sitted around me I will still talk to them, and it is not because wanting to be a bad girl it's just that talking to me is such a physical and mental NEED and I have no idea of why.

And I still get all homeworks done or most of them and I have good grades in tests, I mean some homeworks I do them the same day they are done at school or just ask someone to "help" if you know what it means if not then it means I ask for their homework, and at tests I don't cheat in most of them, except for physics I HATE it like so much I can't get it right, but it also has to do with my teacher, she was so bad at teaching I swear no one could pay attention and no one wanted to , so yeah someone would give the answers like the first class to have the test would write the answers down like the right ones and then pass i t on from group to group, but not all would get the answers some did study on their own and some would just not know any friend that had the answers and just fail but I did got the answers to every physics test and I did knew some stuff so if an answer was wrong I would notice I'm not stupid to just trust in whoever gave the answers that is why so many times people got caught because even to do cheating you got to know how I mean you can't be that dumb and have a paper with the answers on your desk , what I did was to write it on my hand so that the sweat would erase it or that I could just erase any evidence by rubbing the palm of my hand, or sometimes I memorized the answers depending on the time I had , because sometimes I forgot about asking for the answers until I had the exam so I had exactly 3 minutes to find someone and 30 secs to write them down then 1 to run back to class and sit down.

Back then to when my aunt said how she pictured us I just felt so dull but as time went on I figured out how great would that be , me having my own company and being rich like having my mansion and my cars and affording anything my children wanted tho only if they deserved it I mean I want to raise them right,and also how great was the fact that my family had no idea of how my life at school was, when the one that actually has but hates to study is my sister,  my dad says that to get a good grade I just have to read a bit and go to sleep but for my sister to get a passing grade she needs to study all day and mostly all night. It is weird because she has such a great memmory, she remembers a lot of stuff I don't , I have such a terrible memory but she has an amazing one and still she needs to study hard and still sometimes she fails but I don't even study or take a lot of time to do homework like she does.

And I have so much aspirations for my future, and I'm working for it , I wanna learn so many languages I already talk english and spanish I'm learning french and then I'm learning german then italian then Chinese then russian and I'm serious about it ,because I'm not sure what I want to be yet but whatever I choose languages are helping me to be the best whatever I want to be I'm doing it and I'mma be great at it I swear that. I'm going to be successful and a lot of people think the same of me but the most important thing is that I believe it and want it , my aspirations for my future sometimes hold me from doing stupid things and I'm not that brave for committing suicide but sometimes it sound like a great option.