Diary ni Ashlee

Entry # 7 - I'm not cheap.. I have a boyfriend

Reed stayed true to his words, the moment I woke up, he asked me to fix myself dahil baka ma-late daw kami sa pupuntahan namin. I asked him about my phone kasi when I looked for it in my room, I didn;t see it. Hindi naman niya ako sinagot. While we were driving along the boulevard, I asked him again. 

"What do you need your phone for?" He asked, he sounded a little bit irritated. I shrugged. 

"It's my phone, I need it now. I have to make a call." To my surpise, he gave me his phone. I looked at him with disbelief in my eyes. "What am I going to do with that?"

"You said that you needed to make a call. Use my phone."

"Pero personal na tawag iyon." Nakangusong sabi ko. Reed took away his phone again ang looked at me. His face was red again and he seemed to be in so much anger. I wondered what was going on his mind, then to my surprise, bigla na lang siyang sumigaw.

"PUTANG INA, TATAWAGAN MO IYONG JOHN!" He shouted right at my face. I was literally scared of him. Why the fuck would he shout?

"What the fuck naman kung tatawagan ko si John? Boyfriend ko siya!"

"One date tapos boyfriend agad? How low could you go!" He insulted me. Natameme ko. Ang kapal ng mukha niya. I slapped him on the face. 

"Stop the car!" Sigaw ko. He stopped the car, walang kibo na lumabas ako. Ang kapal ng mukha ng Reed na iyon pa insultuhin ako. I hate him! Pagkatapos ng ginawa niya sa akin? I let him take ove my body everytime tapos sasabihin niya ako ng low? 

How low could I get?

"Ashlee! Come back!" I heard him shout. Ni hindi ko siya nilingon. Inis na inis ako. Why would he say something like that to me? Ni hindi niya ba naisip na pwede akong masaktan? I wreally wanted to cry. Ipinamukha niya pa sa akin na napakababa kong tao. OO siguro nga cheap ako. Kaya nga ako nasasaktan kasi totoo yon pero hindi naman niya kailangan ipamkuha!

"Ashlee!" Tawag niya sa akin. Patuloy akong naglakad. "Ashlee, people are staring!" He yelled. 

"Diba si Reed Dela Fuente iyon..." 

I even heard a bunch of students said. Nakilala na nila si Reed. I just sighed, maya-maya ay dinumog na siya ng mga fans niya. I sighed. When I look back, I saw Reed being mobbed by his fans, I shook my head and then I walked away. Ang sakit, ang hirap, ang bigat sa loob ng mga sinabi niya. 

HIndi naman ako cheap - mahal ko lang talaga siya, pero hindi naman kasi niya alam iyon...

Pero sana, kahit paano nagpansintabi naman siya. I really hate him right now!

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Entry# 7 

Feb 14, 2002

OH EM! I was browsing through my things and out of nowhere you fell down. I thought I had gotten rid of you, but I guess not -, journal. It's been four years since I had last written on you, and to tell you the truth, nothing had really changed.

It's been four years and I am still fucking in love with Reed. The only thing that changed was the fact that he had already asked Anca to marry him. I guess they're engage now. It'll be a pretty long engagement beacuse they are planning to get married five years from now. Reed said that he wanted to make sure that everything in their future life is already coered before he marries Anca. 

I kinda felt sad about it because although I know na wala na kaming pag-asa, na hindi talaga siya pwedeng maging akin ay umaasa pa rin ako. I know how stupid I am for thinking about this but I just couldn't help it. My love for Reed is the greatest frustration in my life. Dumaan na ang lahat, nakagawa na ako ng thesis, naka-graduate ng college, nakapasa na si Vince sa Bar Exam, pumasa na si Karla sa Nursing Boards, pero hanggang ngayon umaasa pa rin ako. 

Reed doesn't even look at me now, he really hates me, and I always act like I hate him - but deep inside me - I know how much I don't hate him. I love him, at kahit na four years na ang lumipas noong huli akong nag-entry sa'yo, hindi pa rin nagbabago, journal. I am still prety messed up about Reed. 

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I didn't even know how I got to the place where I am right now, but I am here so - what the hell? I pushed the doorbell and the gate opened. Tonie eyed me as if she was really worried. 

"Ash!" she screamed. "OH EM! I was worried. I tried calling you and you're not answering. John's really worried about you!" 

"John? He called you?" I asked. She pulled my hand for me to come inside. 

"Actually, John's here! He's asking if I could go with him to your house, he's really worried! By the way, where's you car?"

"I lost it." I said without even thinking. 

"You lost your car?" She asked a bit curious. 

"I meant my phone. I lost my phone." She corrected herself. Tonie shook her head. 

"John! Ash is here!" Tonie announced, a little while lated, the Greek God was standing in front of Tonie's door looking at me with that worried eyes. 

"I was worried. Bigla na lang naputol iyong tawag mo and you were screaming like you were in pain.." sabi pa nito. I kinda bit my lower lip, if only John knew what really happened that time while I was on the phone with him. "Are you okay, babydoll?" He even touched my face. I sighed. John's hand were really warm and it felt so nice against my cheeks. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of his hands suddenly made me feel better. 

"Ay! Kinikilig ako sobra!" sigaw pa nit Tonie. "Bagay talaga kayo!"

John acted as if he didn't hear Tonie. He pulled me closer and wrapped his arm around my shoulder for a semi hug. I suddenly felt tingly all over. Bakit ganoon? I've been with John for two times only and yet whenever he's like that to me - close - I feel very safe with him. 

"Love birds! Ako na talaga ang walang love life!" kinikilig pa ring sabi ni Tonie. John looked at her. 

"Ikaw talaga.. Uhm, Tonie.. can I take Ashlee?" 

Can he take me? I looked back, of course he could. I just smiled. 

"Sure! Bye guys!" Sabi pa nito. John held her hand this time and guided her out, sumakay sila sa kotse nito at saka pinaandar nito iyon. 

"Saan tayo pupunta?" I asked. 

"We'll you owe me coffee and some kwento, babydoll." He looked at me with that smile. I smiled back, then I held his other free hand. 

"May I ask?" John said... 

"Hmmn?" 

"Are we like.. cause we kissed the last time.. and I really don't know how to make ligaw cause in my culture we uhm..---"

"Are you asking me if I am your girlfriend already?" 

Namula ang mukha niya. I laughed. 

"Sana..." 

"Sige, girlfriend mo na ako." Sabi ko. I shrugged. Wala namang masama kung makipag- boyfriend ako kay John. Single ako. Wala akong boyfriend. 

"Really?" He asked. "Cause you know, I really like you." 

"I like you too, John..." 

"So we're official?" he asked again. 

"Yes..." 

Again he smiled at me... 

May boyfriend na ako...