Paper Kingdom

The Sadness That Aches Down To Your Very Bones

Authors Note! This chapter will be in Gerard's point of view. Hope you enjoy!!
-

You know you're fucked when you can literally feel the sadness ache down to your bones. It's often that the sadnesses like this last a life time, the people bearing them feeling guilty for being happy. Fuck they feel guilty even if they're sad, they think they're always doing the wrong thing, they have no confidence in anything, let alone themselves.

I think that's Frank's problem, I don't think he really wants to die, he's just tired of feeling guilty, or not good enough. Truth be told, I've been in his shoes, maybe not completely, but I have been in some shit places in my 32 year existence. I've just learned to ignore by the light of day and let it consume me by the dark of night. That's probably not the best way to handle it, but for me it works.

I hope Frank finds the note I left him whenever I hugged him, I left an address this time. The library, Frank doesn't strike me as much of a reader but I want him to visit the library with me, I wanna share an obsession I have with him. Maybe he likes this obsession too. I wanna find out everything I can about Frank while I still have time, I think he's what's been missing from my life this entire time.

-

Entering the doorway of my home was often like entering the doorway to hell itself. So many sad angry tears have been shed in this house. The four symmetrical windows in the living room have never had the light shine through them for they are laden with black out curtains the color of coal. The small tv in the corner has been watched only on special occasions, the movies piled high beside never have been opened.

The bedroom was the real sorrow ridden room though, the single mattress lie in the floor, no bed frame or box springs to support it. A single window, also blacked out, was located to the far right of the room. A record player say on a small table, boxes and boxes of records underneath.

My brother and I used to switch records back and forth, he loved Iron Maiden but I preferred Black Flag. I haven't seen Mikey lately, not since he came over with those cigarettes last week to be exact. Maybe he and Frank have been hanging out, I surely hope they have. Mikey never was to good at making friends.

-

*ring ring* *ring ring* It's very unusual for anyone to call me,  but it's definitely unusual for someone to call me at 11:00pm on a Sunday.
"Hello." My voice was scratchy and hoarse. I sounded like I hadn't slept a wink in years. But that wasn't the issue now.
" Hi-" As soon as the voice said hi, I knew who it was. It was Bob.

I quickly hung up the phone. I don't know how Bob found my number but I prayed to any and every god that that was the only thing he'd found out about me. I was fucked if he found out where I lived. I thought I'd escaped him and all the bad fucking things that came with him. I didn't want him back in my life, not now that I had met Frank.

I hurriedly went to 'the sorrow room' and lie in bed. I posted loved the covers over my head and began to cry. How fucking dare Bob, that selfish bitch, come back into my life. Everything that is wrong with my life, I blame him for it. He fucked me over, he supplied me, said he'd protect me, then ran away when shit got bad.

I tried to close my eyes and sleep. I tried to imagine meeting Frank tomorrow, talked to him, seeing his lovely smile, but nothing was working. And nothing did work until around 3am when I was so exhausted that I practically passed out.