Maybe Someday

11-The First Time

Song Inspo: Sacrifice by Black Atlass & Jessie Reyez

Josh's elbow brushed yours as you walked side by side along the sidewalk. He'd suggested you just walk so you could be alone, and leave the car for Olivia. You were really trying hard not to think of your best friend. If you did too long, this all just got weird. You knew she'd be mad, but the fact that she hadn't stormed into one of your classes and pulled you out by your hair gave you hope that eventually she'd be okay.

You shook your head. What were you even stressing about? It's not like Josh was going to be your boyfriend. Right? Your nerves amped up as you thought about the alternative. What was happening here? Were you guys going back to his house to talk? To kiss again? To–

You: *gulping down your nerves* "Good thing you guys only live a few blocks from the school. If we were walking to my house, we'd get there past curfew."

Josh: "I wouldn't know. I've never had a curfew."

You: "Lucky!"

Josh: "Ya, I guess I am."

He pulled a noisy wrapper from his bag and offered you the other poptart in the package. You shook your head no and he shrugged before breaking off a piece and shoving it in his mouth.

Josh: *groaning in approval* "God, these are the best ones."

You: "How can you eat that without toasting it first?"

Josh: "I'm a dude. I could eat just about anything after a long day at school."

You: "It's just like disappointment with filling if it's not toasted."

Josh: *laughed* "You're so dramatic."

You let a giggle rise from your throat, and he laughed back. He looked over at you and smiled. Your stomach did that ridiculous swoopy thing that made it hard to keep walking in a straight line.

He pulled your hand into his as he led you around the corner into his neighborhood. By the time you got to his street, the butterflies in your chest had turned into a storm. He walked ahead, unlocking the door and holding it open like it was second nature to bring a girl home. For all you knew it was. Just because you'd only seen him with one serious girlfriend before, you knew there'd been other girls. He'd hooked up with Madison three years ago after all.

Josh: "Wanna hang in my room?"

You hesitated for a moment. Not because you didn't want to, but because you wanted to so badly that you were afraid of Olivia coming home and finding you there. Still you agreed quickly, trying to sound chill. You were definitely NOT feeling chill though.

You: "Uh–sure."

He led you upstairs, and the house was quieter than usual. It made sense because his parents both worked, and his sister was still at school, l but you were half expecting Anthony to pop his head out, busting the two of you any minute.

Inside his room, the light poured in golden and soft through the half-open blinds. His bed wasn't made, but the room wasn't a total disaster like the past weekend when you'd waltzed in. You looked around, awkwardly, then sat at the end of his bed. Your hands were folded in your lap like you were waiting for instructions.

God, why did this feel so awkward? You should have sat in the gaming chair. It would have been safer... less suggestive. You didn't want to assume that something was going to happen between you two, but you weren't sure you wanted to rule it out either. Something about the way he looked at you as he pulled his hoodie off and tossed it aside made you forget your panic for a second. You choked. Literally.

Josh: *turning with a clean shirt in his hand and an amused smile* "You good?"

You: *nodding way too fast* "Mhhm. Totally. Fine. Normal. I'm chill."

God, what was wrong with you? What was wrong with him wanting to take a girl as awkward as you up to his room? You looked at his tall, lean frame and thought to yourself, Nothing... Nothing is wrong with him. He was built like someone who could sprint down a field and not even be winded. His shoulders were firm, his arms toned, and his stomach– You didn't mean to stare but damn his stomach.

His eyes caught your stare, and he bit back a laugh: "You know, you can touch it if you want. I won't bite."

You: *choking again* "W–what?"

Josh: *dropping the clean shirt on his chair, and walking towards you with a glint in his eyes* "My stomach? You can touch it if you want. I work hard enough on it, so I'm pretty confident about it and all."

He pushed against the bed and took your hand to rest it against his stomach. The skin was softer than it looked but when he sucked in a breath at your touch the muscles jumped slightly. Your fingers traced higher, over the lean cut of his abs, each ridge like something out of a dream she wasn't sure she wanted to ever wake from.

Josh leaned closer, one hand on the bed next to your hip: "Unless you're into that sort of thing?"

Your brain short-circuited. All you could manage was a quiet gulp. You weren't sure what this was supposed to be, but whatever it was, you definitely were not going to tell him it was your first time and you had no clue what you'd be into.

Wait– was this your first time? Is that where this was going? As if reading the question in your head, Josh reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind your head and gently guided you back onto the bed.

**TRIGGER WARNING: PG13 smut ahead but if you don't feel comfortable with that just skip to next chapter and know that THAT was exactly where this was going LOL**

His knee pressed into the mattress beside you as he leaned over. His mouth brushed over yours so softly that it made you entire body tense. Then he kissed you again, firmer, deeper. Your heart pounded in your chest.

Josh: *whispering against your neck* "You can tell me to stop at any point. Okay?"

You: *barely able to choke out the word* "Okay."

His mouth brushed over the skin of your neck as your hands found his shoulders. They slid lower, tentative at first, then brave,r the lower on your collarbone, his lips slid. The air between you thickened like a storm on the edge of breaking. His fingers skimmed the hem of your shirt, waiting. You gave the smallest nod, and he peeled it over your head. You pulled him close again, the nerves still fluttering in your chest.

You: *growing breathless* "You sure Olivia is going to be okay?"

Josh: *silencing your worry with another kiss* "I don't want to talk about her right now. We will figure it out together. I promise."

You pulled him back close again, nerves crackling under your skin like electricity. You leaned into the gravity of him. How good he smelled. How calm and steady he felt compared to the tornado in your chest.

Your breath hitched when his hand slid beneath your skirt, fingers brushing the bare skin of your thigh. You reached down, your hands tracing the waistband of his jeans. There was no way you were walking away from this moment. So you made the decision to stop overthinking. Just here. With him.