Running on the sidewalk while the tears from my eyes kept on falling. I haven't imagine that I have to say those words to Sophie. To say that she's a freak and psycho, to say I want better than her, to say that I am tired of listening to her.
I reached the park where Sophie and I used to go. I sit myself to the swing we used to sit and every memory of us here flashes back to my mind. It feels like it just happen a while ago. Every moments of us here is a treasure to me because it is the only time where it was just us. Just the two of us here, enjoying the silence of the peaceful place. A peaceful place where there are no person can judge her and made her worry about being judge by someone because it was just the two of us.
This place also reminds me the time where she let me help her ease the pain by telling me what she feels that made her heart sink. I never get tired of hearing all the pain because it means that she trusted me very much that she let me hear all of it and it seems like an angel is the one whose talking to me. I never get tired of talking to an angel but kinda makes me sad because that angel is crying. Crying in front of me.
Every time I made her calm down, we're going to ride the swing. Then her hair is gonna flow like an ocean breeze and when the sunlight shines down on her face, her face glows like a thousand diamonds. She's so beautiful and can't help but to stare. But then I remember the things that Chloe told me. That made the beautiful eyes of Sophie cry. That things that made my knees go weak. That things that made me break her heart.
*************************
"I know you love her." Chloe told me out of the blue with a smirk.
"What are you talking about?" I ask her as if I don't know what she's talking about. Maybe just scare that anyone knew my secret thing for Sophie.
"Oh Max, don't play numb. I know that you know what I am talking about."
"Just don tell her because-"
"She's afraid of loving and to be loved by someone?"
"How-"
"Did I know? Its simple. It's simple when you have someone that can spy on both of you." She finishes my question for her. Oh how rude she is.
"You spied on us? How did-" I stop at my mid sentence because there's no point at talking to her, she'll never gonna listen to anyone although spying on us is an invasion of privacy. "Just please don't tell her." Then I turn my heels and started to walk away.
"Oh come on Max! You know that you can't shut me up just like that."
I turn my heels again to face her. "Okay what do you want?" I ask lazily
"I want you to kiss me when she's here." My eyes widen with those words.
"You know that I can't do that because it will break her to see me kissing the one who made her broke to pieces every single day."
"Then I guess you can't shut me up. Then she's gonna freak out because her friend fell in love with her. Maybe it will going to break her into million bits and pieces because she have to leave her one and only best friend because she can't stand being with you as if there's nothing wrong and she can't love you the way you love her. Isn't it going to make it a little, just a little easier to her if you're the one whose gonna leave because at least she's not the one whose gonna regret it."
I think every point of her is right. "Okay, I'll going to do what you want but promise me this one thing."
"Spill it out."
"Promise me the you and your friends will leave her and stop all the shits you've done to her."
"I guess we made a deal Mr. Max Payne." She sticks her hand out for me to shook it. It took me a second before I reach her hand.
"She's coming over here now. What are you gonna do now Mr. Payne?"
I turn her around then kiss her. After awhile I open slightly my eyes to see Sophie. Then regret it immediately because of the sight of her, crying. She let the tears fall down to her beautiful face then run away. After Sophie run away, I cut the kiss with Chloe.
"You're still a good kisser. Now I'm regretting that I let you go but then I rember that you switched me to a freak like her."
I didn't listen to any words she said but instead, I started to walk away from her. I started to chase after Sophie to explain everything but I hear something that made me stop for awhile.
"Before you forget, I just want to remind you about our deal."
With that I remember that I can't explain everything to her. "Just don't forget too the promise you made."
With that, I continue to chase after Sophie. I reach her house and went to her bathroom. That's he first place I thought that she will go. I hear sobs from the other side of the door. Those sobs made me wish that she's not doing what I was thinking. I slam he door open and I was too late. There were cuts on her wrist. I approach her but she flinched away.
"You promise me that you're not going to do this again." A tear slip down on my cheek. "You know that you can always talk to me if you want to have someone to listen to you if you're having a difficult moments and I told you not to listen to what they are saying with you because it's not true. I'm always be here, beside you and I'm also the one that loves you and you kno-"
"How can I tell you what I want to tell you if you're with somebody?! How can I tell you the problem if the problem is you?! How can I tell my best friend that I'm jealous because I'm in love with him and it broke me to pieces when I saw him with someone else and they're kissing?! Tell me how to tell you that I'm hoping that you're the only one who's gonna love me even though it's not like what I wanted but I saw you loving somebody else and that somebody is the one who always break my heart into million pieces and the one who always push my button?! Just tell me how!" Tears from her eyes won't stop from falling and I was shocked from her confessions.
"You have a feelings for me?"
"Are you numb and blind? Can't you see that I'm always happy when I'm with you? Can't you see the way I look at you? Didn't you just hear what I tell you?"
I can't tell her the truth. I made a deal with Chloe. Chloe will not going to disturb her anymore. This is for her best although not the best for me. I have to sacrifice my happiness so she can live peacefully. "I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way as you do to me. I'm sorry I made you feel like that. I'm so-"
"You don't need to say sorry. It's not your fault that you don't feel the same way as mine and it's not you fault that I fell for you."
"And I'm sorry because I can't do this anymore." The single tear that fell from my eyes become a little sob.
"What do you mean by you can't do this anymore?"
"I can't do this anymore! I don't want to be with a freak who always think to end her life! I don't want to be with a loner and I'm tired of all your complains and cryings every time we see each other! I want to be with someone who's beautiful, sexy and not a freak like you! Oh, you're not just a freak, you're also a psycho! I want to be with someone like Chloe." With that I stand and left her. Left her there alone and broken.
***********
I started to cry more when I remember the things that happened earlier. When I remember that Sophie cutted because of- Oh shit. What have I done. She cutted because of me.
I run back to her house. Why I didn't realise that she'll going to cut not because I don't feel the same way but because her best friend, who's the only one who can understand her, is going to leave her. And might think of herself that no one, ever gonna accept her even her family.
I reached the corner of the street to her house. What I saw really shock me. There's a lot of people surrounding her house and there's an ambulance. There's a stretcher came out from her house. On the stretcher, lies the body of Sophie.
"What have I done?!"
