That's it, they get what they want from me. To break me down to pieces. I can't handle anymore the things they throw to me. I know that I should not be affected by what they are saying to me but I can't always act like I'm vulnerable. The truth is, I'm a very sensitive person. I may not look like that but every time they say harsh and rude comments on me, my heart feels like to be poked by a thousand arrows and sometimes the worst feeling is, you can feel your heart sink.
I just realize by now that not only words can bring me to my breaking point, it also brings me to my breaking point when I saw the only person who loves me is loving another person instead of just me. It feels like your heart was ripped into two pieces and it is the worst feeling ever.
I found myself bringing my body towards the bathroom. When I got there, my hands reach out to grab the razor inside the cabinet and put it on my wrist. A lone tear fell down my cheek as my brain makes me remember what I saw earlier at our school cafeteria. The scene where my bestfriend who's I'm in love with, used to kiss a girl that's preetier than me, curves are all in place or specifically , better than me and and the worst part here is that girl is also the one who used, scratch that, who still saying harsh and rude things to me.
There's a sudden pain that I feel on my wrist. There's also a blood on it. The razor was stained by my blood. That's when I turned into fully sobs. I don't know if jealousy or pain or madness is the one who's raging in my body that made me to cut and to cut and to...
*thud*
From my wrist, I turn my head towards the direction where the door is to be met by Max, my only bestfriend I have since I was born because others think that I'm a freak.
His emotion was mix with worries and shock. He walks towards me while the tear in his eyes is threatening to fall. He's about to reach me for a hug but I move away from him which made him stop for what he's about to do.
"You promise me that you're not going to do this again." A tear slip down to his cheek and I just shrug what he said.
"You know that you can always talk to me if you want to have someone to listen to you if you're having a difficult moments and I told you not to listen to what they are saying with you because it's not true. I'm always be here, beside you and I'm also the one that loves you and you kno-"
"How can I tell you what I want to tell you if you're with somebody?! How can I tell you the problem if the problem is you?! How can I tell my best friend that I'm jealous because I'm in love with him and it broke me to pieces when I saw him with someone else and they're kissing?! Tell me how to tell you that I'm hoping that you're the only one who's gonna love me even though it's not like what I wanted but I saw you loving somebody else and that somebody is the one who always break my heart into million pieces and the one who always push my button?! Just tell me how!" The tear in my eyes won't stop from falling.
"You have a feelings for me?"
"Are you numb and blind? Can't you see that I'm always happy when I'm with you? Can't you see the way I look at you? Didn't you just hear what I tell you?"
"I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way as you do to me. I'm sorry I made you feel like that. I'm so-"
"You don't need to say sorry. It's not your fault that you don't feel the same way as mine and it's not you fault that I fell for you."
"And I'm sorry because I can't do this anymore."
"What do you mean by you can't do this anymore?" I said it a little slower than as usual, scared of what he's going to say next.
"I can't do this anymore! I don't want to be with a freak who always think to end her life! I don't want to be with a loner and I'm tired of all your complains and cryings every time we see each other! I want to be with someone who's beautiful, sexy and not a freak like you! Oh, you're not just a freak, you're also a psycho! I want to be with someone like Chloe."
He got up and walk away after he told me what he really feels. I am left here still processing what he just said. When I finally made my thoughts together, that's the time I realised that the only person who made me feel loved just left me because he couldn't handle anymore to be with a freak. Not just a freak but also a psycho. He wants to be with someone like Chloe. The one who's beautiful, sexy and most of all, she's not a freak and a psycho like me.
I started to walk toward the bedroom and plopped down my body onto the bed and cried myself to sleep every time I realise that every person even my family and who I thought will make me feel loved, always left me... broken.
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So hi guys!!!
I'm planning to make a part two of this very soon. Maybe this weekend.
So yeah. Sorry if this is not that good because this is my first story to be publish but on the other side, hope you like it and please vote. It means a lot to me if you did so!!!
♡♡♡Thanks guys♡♡♡
