The Seeking (#Wattys2015)

Chapter 9

I'm dizzy weak and I'm puking up blood. I have no idea what's wrong with me but I feel dirty and used. I run my hands down my body to realize that Im naked. I don't know why but I feel like I've done this a million times before and came up with the same results.
"Ahh is my little pet touching herself, without permission again?" A sickly beautiful voice cooes while coming up behind me. "I believe I asked you question." He says his voice becoming stern and strict. I have no idea how to respond, I'm sick and in pain, and I wasn't touching myself like that. I yelp when he traps my hair and yanks me to a kneeling position. "Looks like we're going to have to start from the beginning slut," he sighs while pushing my legs far enough a part that his hand can comfortably cup and fondle by my sex without a problem. He begins to rub me down there and I attempt to push him away, but am cut short when I realize that I'm hogtied and can't move anywhere. It hurts so bad, it just feel like he's burning me and the pain causes stress and the stress upsets my stomach and on that chain reaction I puke on myself. The way my head is position I have to watch it slide down my stomach like ink. I beginning to truly worry about my health when I realize that I'm not imagining ink to get my mind off of my current trauma but I actually threw up an inky black tar like substance that actually smells like burning rubber , and a lot of it. I close my eyes and attempt to look away when he uses the substance I just discharged to make me wet. That earns me a slap and him yelling in my face demanding that I watch everything that he does to me. He gets his slick with my discharge and even gets a little extra on his fingertips before attacking my sex. He twirls his middle finger around my clit before fingering me . I just sit there not moving not reacting or feeling anything until I have this strong urge to pee.
"I have to pee?" I state but it comes out as more of a question.
"Ah she speaks and pee then" and so I try to pee but instead my body starts spasming and I have this tingling feeling coming from my lower regions. "Good girl" he murmurs and I begin to scream and attempt to get away when I hear the sound of him undoing his zipper. It's like the sound brought me out of the haze of calm I was once in. He grabs me by my hair and drags me to what looks like a bed. The entire time I'm squirming and screaming. He picks me up and I bite him that earns me a punch in my face. The thows me on the bed ignoring my screams and whimpers. When he's done tying me to the bed my hands are on either side of the headboard and my ankles are tied to either side of the post, I'm spread wide and there's nowhere I can hide my self. He climbs on top of me and I cower away. He positions himself at my entrance I feel sick, and am on the verge of throwing up again. He slides his tip in a little, and stops "Didn't your daddy ever tell you, they love it when you scream" with that he pushes into me and I scream in pain, he doesn't stop he just keeps going and eventually I pass out from the pain.
I wake up with a start and run to the bathroom I barely make it to the toilet before puking my brains out. I finish laying my head on the cool tile in exhaustion. I think back to my dream and immediately feel disgusted with myself I turn on the shower and strip down jumping in immediately. What the hell was wrong with me in that dream, why didn't I fight back, was it because I wanted, or maybe I thought I deserved it, maybe whoever had me captive had figured out how to break me. But in the dream I was dying so maybe that had something to do with it. I try to reason with myself while attempting to wash the dream away. When I finish I dry off and hurriedly get dressed my mind keepes wandering back through my nightmares and I know now is not a healthy time to be alone. Putting on some mascara and chap stick keeping my makeup to a minimum and throwing my damp hair in a messy bun I make my way downstairs.
Today's Ana-Lia's birthday and I will let nothing ruin it today's her day and she's worked so hard she deserves to kick back and party. The guest are supposed to be arriving at six, then the ceremony, and then the real party starts. We planned to have Derek keep Ana distracted and out of the house while we finish up the decorations and getting ready at Clairy's house. I eat a quick breakfast and head out to the backyard to help. Gabriel walks up behind me wrapping his arms around me wincing I smoothly remove myself from his hold and shoot him a weak smile. He sends me a hurt confused looked and opens his mouth to speak but I shake my head. I don't want to talk about it, I'm praying he'll understand it's not him I just can't bear to be touched by anyone right now especially a man. I don't understand but that nightmare just felt real too real and it's all I can do to keep from breaking right here and now. I try not to show it but these nightmares are wearing on me, physically, emotionally, and psychology. It's like each dream is real and I'm going through a new trauma each night. I look up to see that we've finished and I've spent a grand total of 4 hours avoiding Gabriel, decorating and wallowing in my own self pity. I quickly make my escape before Gabriel or anyone else can question me about my weird behavior. I get into my room closing my door behind me, and that's when I feel it. My heads throbbing painfully it feels as if my brain is to big for my skull, my stomach starts to feel queasy and I feel like there's a million hands touching me grabbing at me. Refraining from screaming I crawl to my dresser because it hurts to much to walk and frantically dig for the pills I used to take as a child. I pop two in my mouth with water from the bathroom sink. I close my eyes allowing the pills to work their magic. I took me a while before I knew what they were, they're suppressors the block my powers and anything inhumane about me both good and bad, and right now I'm using them to get rid of the bad. Eventually I stand up looking at my face in the mirror, my cheeks are stained with the residue of my tears and my face just looks dead. I turn in the shower and wash myself again I throw on a pair of tights and one of Gabriel's T-shirts because even though I can't stand him touching me right now everything about him still brings me comfort. I slide one my uggs, grabbing the dresses I put on a fake smile and walk downstairs.
"Hey" Gabriel stands up at the sight of me smiling when he takes in what I'm wearing.
"Hi" I blush glancing at the clock to see that it's 3:30 and I have to go if we want to make here by 6:00 at the latest. " I gotta go" I mumble while gesturing to the dress. His smile falters but he nods and let's me go. I'm careful not to touch him on the way out.
I arrive at Clairy's at four and I'm running like a and woman to her room. I stumble in and all three girls stare at me.
"I'm sorry I'm late." I say while giving the girls all the puppy dog face. They all laugh and I'm instantly forgiven. Lucky for us they did each others make-up and hair while I was having a panic attack back at the pack house now all that was left was me and to get dressed. Letta smiled satisfied with what she's done to my face and motions for me to go change. We're all waiting for the signal to come into the main part of the room. We've been doing this since we were toddler's playing dress up we all go change in different parts of the room and the we all come to the center of the room and see each other completely dolled up at the same time. Ana always says it adds to the Wow factor and I can't say I disagree. Soon I hear the low cat call and walk out of the closet to see three of the most beautiful girls in the world.
"Wow" we all say at same time. I put Ana in a white high low dress with gold flowers acting as a stamp and a beautiful flowing train, her make up is done Maryiln Monroe stye and her hair is elegantly done up and curled . I myself am wearing a black lack dress that hugs my curves just right and the left seem of the dress is completely lace, my make up is more on the Smokey style, and my hair is pulled to my left side and loosely curled. Clairy and Letta's outfits are similar to mine except they were wearing floor lenght dresses and went with a different color scheme.
We've finally made it through the ceremony and I didn't die of boredom, it's around seven and everyone is eating and I'm terrified or relapsing so I make a quick dash upstairs and take two more pills and on my way downstairs I stumble into my brother.
"Anaita?" Derek well Michael seeing as he prefers using Angel names questions. I shift uncomfortablely I don't exactly feel heaven worthy right now, but I play it off.
"Michael." I say with a smile.
"Don't play me are you taking your pills again?" Woah to the point are we.
"No" I lie, he shakes his head
"I'm not stupid you know, but I'm here if you ever want to talk." He says while looking at me as if he's searching for something, then I realize something he is searching for my angel side. I growl in agitation.
"If I needed your help I would of asked for, but I don't. So how about you mind your damn business!" I growl in his face in a quiet rage, not wanting to draw attention to us.
"Thought so, listen" he grabs my arm and that does it for me, I panic. I slap him strait across his face, covering my mouth in shock at my actions right after.
"Derek I'm so sorry." He raises his hand and walks away from me not saying a word, but I didn't miss the look on his face as he walked away, he look disgusted with me. I walk back down to the gathering ready to forget everything from the past week.
It is currently 10:30 and the real party has begun. I've recently downed about 4 jello shots, two cups of beer, and 2 shots of tequila and I'm feeling pretty damn good right about now. Letta walks over to me stumbling over her heels, I laugh she looks a baby deer taking it's first steps.
"Look what I got!!" I smile when she triumphantly holds up the bottle of Jamaican rum. We sit there for a while passing the bottle back and forth and talking drunken nonsense when I my name.
"Calla!" Ana screeches when as she stomps over to me. I raise an eyebrow and offer her a drink, which she quickly declines.
"But it's your party you should drink" I offer again, but am ignored as she lifts me up and drags me away from the crowd. And that's how I know she's gonna yell at me.
"What the hell is wrong with you. You never drink like this. Gabriel is worried sick because he can't sense or find you among all these wolves, vampires and humans alike. And you'are sitting there drinking yourself into oblivion!" She yells her face becoming flushed. I struggle to comprehend what she's saying. Gabriel was look for me, must not have been looking to damn hard if he would of just came outside he would of found me, Ana and Letta did. And he even has her calling him Gabriel figures. But he can't sense me why can't he, oh the pills and the alcohol. I'm about as mortal as it gets right now.
"Listen I'm fine maybe I just wanted to actually enjoy the party, instead of just watching it" I say while crossing my arms over my chest. My buzz is wearing off because of her and I'm getting agitated.
"No you're hiding something, you can't just drink your problems away!" Those words right the hit home and it hurts, she has no idea what the hell I'm going through right now. With that being said I snap.
"Listen why don't you just leave me the hell alone. I obviously don't want to be bothered. And I don't want to ruin your birthday so just leave." I don't realize that I've begun to yell until I've stopped talking and I'm thinking about what I've said.
"You already have" she growls in my face, a threat my body recognizes it immediately and gets in a defensive stance.
"And who's fault is that?' I growl back. I feel the rage on the brink begging to take just a little bit of control that way it can consume me just as easily. The alcohol and pills are wearing off and I'm losing control of myself.
"Do you want to fight me Calla" we're circling each other now and the situation is escalating quickly.
"I just don't take kindly to threats Ana-Lia." We're both ready to charge when a third party catches our attention.
"Tsk tsk tsk, you think you two would of learned how to soothe each others demons by now" I know that voice, the voice from my dream, when I got my wings ripped out.
"Loki" I growl out focusing my anger on him.
"Mate" Ana whispers.
"Shit" I blurt while grabbing her dragging her back, though she's completely entranced and fighting me on everyone move.
"In how I do love a little cat fight" Loki cooes, I let out a frustrated growl where the frick is Gabriel. Somehow Ana gets out of my grasps and goes running towards him. Why isn't anyone helping me. I want to scream. I watch as Loki wraps an arm around her and cringe.
"Let her go" I growl while stalking up to them.
"I don't she obviously wants to come with me, but I think we can come up with a far trade don't you." He says while tucking a stray hair behind my ear. I swallow slowly.
"What do you want?" I question already knowing the answer to that.
"You know well what I want, but you have to offer yourself or I can't take you in her place." I'm about to save my best friends life and soul, I'm about to be a martyr, am about to offer myself inplace of an innocent but no. Derek tackles me to the ground while using his powers to take away my voice so I can't say the words, and all I can do is watch as he sends Loki and my best friend back to hell. If looks could kill he'd be the one in hell right now.

P.S. there are pictures of Letta's, Clairy's, Calla's and Ana-Lia's dresses on the side in that order from left to right.