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𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲
I didn't sleep a wink last night, my mind reeling and spinning as I thought about the possibilities. Could I actually be pregnant? It was as bizarre as it was terrifying. I wasn't ready to be a mom yet. I wanted to go back to school, get an education, do something with my life.
But I suppose Paul and I were kind of asking for it. How had we been so stupid... since getting together, we hadn't used condoms at all. I didn't think about it and, apparently, neither did he. We were so caught up in this blissful happiness that we hadn't thought about what can happen when you have unprotected sex.
It was stupid.
It was beyond dumb.
And if I am pregnant, my dad is going to kill us.
As soon as the sun rose, I was out the door, not saying much of anything to my dad or Jake as I left. I drove all the way to Forks to go to the pharmacy; there was no way I was risking someone at the res store knowing my business. Rumors like that spread like wildfire around here.
My palms were sweaty as I pulled up to the pharmacy. I wondered the store for ten minutes, grabbing random items to look like I was shopping before I hid the pink test under them and walked up to the registered.
I didn't make eye contact with the worker as she scanned my items, and my hands shook as I quickly paid and took the plastic bag from her.
After that, the drive home felt like forever. My mind was reeling, my thoughts spinning. I didn't know what to do or think. All I could do was breathe.
By the time I got home, my heart was pounding so hard it echoed in my ears.
The house was quiet. My dad was napping on the living room couch, and Jake's music was playing faintly from the garage. I could see Bella's truck outside, they were working on those bikes again, I suppose.
As soon as I was inside the house, I made a beeline for the bathroom, the crinkle of the plastic bag feeling impossibly loud in my hand and I cursed it, worried I'd wake my dad and then have to explain why I went to the store to buy a protein bar and a fucking pregnancy test-- odd combination, I know, but I couldn't think straight and needed something else in my basket.
I locked myself in the bathroom, my breathing uneven as I set the bag on the counter, pulling the box out slowly, like it might explode if I moved too fast. I looked down at the box and then looked up at my reflection.
I looked pale, my blue eyes wide and scared. I looked too young to be in this situation at all but, here we are. I wet my chapped lips, giving myself a nod of encouragement.
"This is just to make sure," I whispered to myself. "Just to get it out of your head." I'm not pregnant. I repeated in my head for the nth time since yesterday. But that nagging doubt was screaming louder than ever and it was pissing me off.
