WHAT I NEED ( A Johnny Gaudreau Fanfic)

FIVE

AVA

I slept mostly in pools of my own tears and drifting sadly between horrifying nightmares and imagines of Johnny and I pushing against the surface of my mind. I woke with a raging headache and anger pouring through me. I hated Johnny, I hated what he made me feel, like was flying and ten feet under at the same time, I hated his gentle eyes and sweet voice. I hated him. And after last night, I wasn't going to stand by while he made a fool out of me and lied to my face. He'd once promised to protect me, and while in the moment it had seemed comical considering his small frame and height, but it had meant something. I'd believed that Johnny would never do anything to hurt me. He's been far too sweet and timid to, but he'd changed so much. And now I was going to change too.

I swept my sheets to the floor and shook the tiredness out of my head. It was a new day and I wasn't going to let my ex-boyfriend dictate whether or not I had a good time. I pulled out some jeans and graphic t-shirt from my suitcase and pulled them on, shuffling to the bathroom to brush my teeth and splash my face with cold water before I was heading to the kitchen.

Amongst everyone there, I stepped into Sam's arms and allowed him to hold me for a moment, squeezing all of the tension from my muscles. I didn't even care that Johnny was literally a foot away, narrowing his eyes at us. If he could hurt me, then I could hurt him.

"You good?" he asked, pulling away and I nodded hastily

"Yeah, I'm great."

"Here's breakfast," Emily smiled, placing a plate of eggs and toast before me after we'd sat down and I sent her the most thankful look.

We all fell into slow chatter, tired and wary from the long day yesterday. Johnny was mostly quiet, alternating between yawning and sipping idly from his mug.

"You know what we should do Ava?" Sam exclaimed, his bright eyes falling into mine as he grinned. "Go swimming!"

I stopped chewing for a moment to process, lifting a confused brow at him. "Swimming? In the lake?"

He pouted, "Yeah, come on, it'll be fun."

"I don't know Sam..."

"Please, we'll stay close to the shore and I'll be there the entire time," he pleaded, and I looked left at Johnny who was looking at me, listening into our conversation, our eyes fell together and the anger sparked within me again. How could I let the guy that had been letting me down time and time again, decide whether or not I did something like swimming with another guy.

"You know what?" I exclaimed. "Let's do it."

+++

An hour or so later I found myself wadding reticently through the crystal water, trying to adjust to the stark coldness. It was nice though, the cool water against my skin let me breath easier and I closed my eyes, calming myself.

I opened them when I felt Sam tucking hair behind my ears gently, swimming nearer to me and I sent him a soft smile.

"Did you two talk last night?" he asked, looking down towards the rocks instead.

And I frowned a little bit. Had he heard Johnny and I fighting? I suddenly felt a rush of embarrassment. I told him many, many times that I was over it but my behavior and incessant questions surly would have said differently.

"Um Johnny and I? No-no we didn't talk at all, no! Why, what's wrong?" I decided to lie just in case.

He shrugged, "Nothing, I just saw him go inside after you so I thought maybe he went to harass you some more."

I shook my head, fending off his curiosity while I swallowed thickly. Sure Johnny was a dick in many respects but he'd never been rude to me. He'd always been so tender and sweet when talking and it made me wonder what other misconceptions Sam had about him in his mind and why.

"Okay good," he concluded with a smile, splashing a huge wave of water towards me.

I shrieked, pulling my arms up in defence. "Sam!"

"What? Did you really think I only brought you out here to swim?" he winked and I didn't have time to think about his innuendo before he was sending more water my way in large rippling waves. I turned around as he laughed manically, ready to swim to the shore and get away when I saw Johnny, sitting on the porch of the cabin, watching us. He had the most emotionless and serious expression on his face that I didn't know what to think. Recently it had become so hard to read him and that only caused the divisions between us to greaten. I stopped dead in my tracks, panicking immediately and turning towards Sam again, who caught me my by the waist, hoisted me over his shoulder, ready to throw me in into the water harshly.

"Put me down Sam!" I giggled, though I made no effort to get away. Why did I care if he saw me enjoying myself with another guy? It was what he deserved after all. I fell in with a loud splash, gasping and laughing as I came back to the surface. I sent Sam the deadliest look, shoving him a little before I started towards the shore again.

"Hey where are you going?!" he whined after me but I waved him off.

"I don't wanna swim with you anymore, you're mean."

Before he could catch up to me and convince me any different, I was already on the warm sand, padding my way towards the cabin. I was dripping wet and my dark blue bikini clung to me in the most sensual manner and I couldn't ignore the way Johnny's eyes rushed over me in hunger as I brushed past him, trying to shake off the feeling of him.

Grabbing a towel from the bathroom, I slipped into my room, wrapping it around myself and pulling in a steadying breath. It was all too much. He was everywhere, all at once and I felt that familiar rush and warmth that particularly belonged to him. The reason that I'd fallen him in the very beginning.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and before I could even fathom some sort of a reaction, they'd spun me around and I came face to face with the smooth fabric of Johnny's t-shirt. I looked up confusedly at the dark clouded emotion passing over his eyes as he was pressed me into him and slotting our lips together.

Without a fight, I let myself be swept up in him, pushing my hands through his soft hair as I kissed him back eagerly. Groaning when I felt his teeth on my bottom lip. Choosing to forget the horrible fate that the two of us had acquired and just enjoying the fleeting moment of him. He was everywhere, in every sense, just like I remembered him so well and my heart squeezed at being so close again. I couldn't get enough of his soft lips or soothing scent, which was taking me to a far, far away place.

But all too soon I realized that I was locking lips with a heartbreaker and I shoved him away, biting my lip as I tried to hold the tears in and he stepped away wordlessly, turning his back to me when the first sob escaped and leaving the room when I completely lost it.