Heartstrings or Handcuffs? (L x Light)

Revelations: The Plot Unwinds

After the funeral ends, L takes me back to the hotel where we're staying. I refuse to meet his eyes while we walk, but I just know he's pleased with himself for breaking me; for beating me; for stealing my heart.

I have to wipe at my eyes again with the heels of my hand—damn allergies. The action doesn't go unnoticed by L since we're still cuffed together. I bet he's pleased to see me suffering.

I keep my gaze fixed on the ground while we walk.

"Light?" Ryuk seems more confused now than ever.

I just sniffle in response—it's not like I can talk to him. It's not like I even care about that sort of thing anymore.

I wrap my arms around myself, accidentally forcing Ryuzaki to walk closer to me. I just wanna go back—back before I found that notebook; back before I loved him.

What's the point of love anyways? It's ugly. Just like all my plans were. Just like all the criminals. Just like everything. Yes, that was one of my mistakes: I didn't realize the world was, by definition, hideous and cruel.

When we get up to our room, L immediately directs us to the bedroom, motioning for Watari to leave us be. What? What is it now? I don't wanna play the question game. I don't care if you put me in handcuffs. I lost; I'm worthless.

"Light," L starts after he sits on the bed while I stand, continuing to avoid eye contact, "my true and whole name is L Lawliet," he announces, as matter-of-fact as ever.

I stare at him in shock. What? "Why are you telling me this?" I ask. From the periphery of my vision, I can see that Ryuk seems excited.

"You've got him now, Light," Ryuk cackles.

BUT I'VE LOST! I DON'T WANNA KILL HIM ANYMORE! I'm nothing...God, I'm nothing.

"So you can kill me like the monster you are, Light. So you can live with that," L smiles at me. It's a cold smile...but it's an actual smile. Ha, more like a punch to the stomach. "I think that'll make you stop, Kira, don't you?" And then he unshackles me. I'm free...just when I've no use for freedom. "Well, hop to it, Kira. Don't you have a Death Note to retrieve?" He NEVER believed me. God, he lied better than I did. And his mocking angers me. Does he really need to make me show him that he's won? Does he really need to brag in such a fashion? You wanna see Kira, L? I'll show you Kira.

I march out of the room, one place in mind. See, there is a house where I lived up until recently with my happy mother, and my naïve sister, and even my idealist for a father. We were the perfect family, except there was a monster among our ranks—me. A monster that kept—keeps—a notebook of death in a false bottom of a drawer in a desk in his room. A monster that keeps a secret record of his killings. And now I'm heading to that record in that drawer in that house.

The Death Note. I hold it open before me as I stand before L, having retrieved it from my old home. There are already countless pages filled with the names of the dead, but none so great as L Lawliet.

A fire burns in the pit of my stomach. I can win if I want to, God. I have the tools laid out before me...but I'm pathetic. I've been ruined by love.

I toss the Death Note into L's lap and then take a seat beside him, pulling my knees up to my face to hide in the shadows I find there. Ryuk's chuckles—low and slow but building, GROWING—mock me; mock my failure. My Shinigami finds this amusing.

"So do you want me to get rid of it now, Light? You'll forget everything about it. You understand that?" Ryuk asks in his raspy voice.

"I'll talk to you about it later," I mumble into my legs. I don't wanna deal with this now.

I don't look up to see L's reaction- You know, he was supposed to be the one to fall in love with me. He was supposed to TEAR HIMSELF APART before he could harm a hair on my head...But now I'm him, and he's me. He gets to win. He gets to judge me...and he doesn't even love me. How could I lose...?

"So you're not beyond saving, Raito..."

........................................................................................................................................................................................

Me: "Dun-dun-dun! Cliffhanger! The next chapter should be longer! I promise!"

Misa: "And then we can all go shopping together!" *Cheers* "FOR COFFINS FOR L!!!" *Growls*

Ryuk: *Laughs* "She's crazy."