The One Without Words

❀ chapter forty-three | change ❀

Merry fucking Christmas.

Grace had opened herself up to one emotion, that was for sure—self-pity. But could she handle my anger, my bitterness? Nope. She was happy with assuming I was the perfect little successful daughter she always wanted me to be. I was tempted to do something stupid and get locked away again just to take away her unearned pride. I didn't need her to believe in me anymore.

But if I let myself get cold again, I'd end up even more like her. What should I work toward now? Could I achieve all the money and success I wanted with my heart open to all these feeeeeelings? I had no clue. How else would I prove Grace wrong when my goals were the same as hers?

You're only eighteen, some guiding inner voice echoed in my head. Still a kid. Still a lot of mistakes and lessons to figure out.

Jack, Seth, and Eli would be here in two days. Grace would go to Las Vegas for New Year's, but the rest of us would be getting an Airbnb on the north side of O'ahu. I wondered how much it'd remind me of my dad's surfing days—the north shore was his favorite with the strong, crashing waves.

On the 28th, I said my goodbyes to Grace. This trip didn't do nearly as much for our "mother-daughter bonding time" quota as she had probably hoped it would. And even I felt incomplete, keeping myself at arm's length. But I told myself this was as good as it'd get. I couldn't expect her to make up for all the years she wasn't there. I'd already done an excellent job of not blowing up on her and ruining the trip for good. 

I had no idea when I'd see her again. I had no idea if I cared.

Talia booked a rental car, and she drove us to the airport to pick up the boys. For once, my mind went calm as I waited, focusing on nothing but the jitteriness in my chest. I paced back and forth in anticipation.

First I saw Seth, carrying two bags in his hands. And Eli laughing at his side, carrying none. And trailing behind, wearing a blue hoodie, standing out in the crowd with his tall stature and overall awkwardness...

Jack. I'd done the math—exactly seventeen days since I'd seen him last.

Without thinking, I pushed past the stream of tourists to get to him. His silence enveloped me the closer I got, drowning out the other airport noise. He stopped walking when he noticed me. The seconds passed in a blur; I crashed against him in an impulsive hug, and before I knew it, his arms were wrapped around my waist.

Jack was here. On an island in the middle of the Pacific. With me—a moment so surreal it rivaled our birthday night in the wilderness. I'd relived it so many times in my dreams. 

I pulled away. Almost lost my breath entirely at seeing him so close—his freckles, the dark shadows under his eyes, even that pink birthmark on his forehead, matching the color of his flushed cheeks.

"Sorry," I said. "Too much?"

He only pulled me into his arms again.

❀ ❀ ❀

After introducing Anika to the boys, we were ready to make it across the island—thanks to Talia's superior driving skills. While I took the front seat, Jack sat in the back of the rental SUV with Anika.

"How was the flight?" I asked Eli and Seth, sitting directly behind me.

"Good," Eli said. "Jack was assigned the middle seat. And after we were in the air, he got up and went to an empty row in the back of the plane."

"Smart move," Anika said.

"Definitely," I agreed. "I'm sure he wanted to avoid having to be in the middle of you two arguing."