Let Me Love You | Toni Kroos

Chapter 22 - Because of Me

Felix's POV

Toni cut a frustrated, desperate figure outside the operation theatre, alternating between staring into space and pacing up and down the corridor. Of course, he wasn't the most worried person there, as Gabi's parents and Amelie sat in their corner with their heads in their hands.

"Toni," I called. "Hey, sit down. Calm down, Toni."

He didn't answer me. He just continued walking around, his hands balled up in fists, tears streaming down his face.

"Sit the fuck down, Toni. You're making me dizzy."

He stopped and spun around to glare at me. "Don't you tell me to sit the fuck down," he said through his gritted teeth. He pointed at Gabi's family. "Look at them. It's my fault. It's all my fault. She tried to save me, Felix. Gabi saved my life. And look where she is now. I don't even know if she's okay, if she's ever going to be okay. So don't tell me to sit the fuck down, Felix."

He turned his back and walked down the corridor, disappearing around the corner. I got up and went after him, only to see him punching the wall repeatedly in frustration.

"Toni," I ran up to him and grabbed his hands. "Hey, stop. I'm sorry I said that. Please don't be like this. Stay strong, okay? I'm sure Gabi wouldn't want to see you like this."

Toni stopped punching the wall and covered his face with his bruised hands. "Why?" he sobbed. "Why did she have to do that? I wish it was me. I wish she was fine and that I'm the one who's in there right now."

"Nobody wanted this to happen," I said softly. "Would you really rather have her out here, crying her heart out, wishing that you'll be okay? I don't know, Toni, if I were you, I'd rather I was the one crying. She can't feel anything right now, Toni. Please be strong. Be strong for Gabi. I know you love her, I know how much you love her. And I know how much she loves you. So just be strong, okay?"

He leaned his head on my shoulder as his body started shaking with sobs. "I'm so sorry I snapped at you. I'm so sorry."

I wrapped my arms around him. "No, it's okay. Everything will be fine, okay? Please be strong. I'll always be here. You'll always have your annoying little brother."

"Yeah," he whispered, pulling himself out of my arms. "I just...I need to be alone, okay? I'm sorry. I need to be alone."

I watched as he started walking away; away from me, away from the operation theatre, away from it all, just to get a little quiet. I went back and sat in between my parents and Gabi's family, two sets of unsettled families, and waited.

Toni returned half an hour later and sat beside me quietly, his eyes bloodshot and his gaze still directed downwards. The light on top of the door never went out for the next few hours, the operation never ceasing. It was already past midnight when the light went off and a nurse emerged from the operating theatre.

"Are you the family members of Gabriele Meiser?" she asked.

Gabi's parents and Amelie rushed towards her. "How is she?" Mr. Meiser asked.

Toni sat there, his head buried in his hands, not moving a muscle. My parents stood up and went to join the little crowd, but Toni just sat there.

"She's stable now," the nurse said. "She needed a ton of stitches on her scalp. But she's not awake, and...I'm sorry, she probably won't be awake for a while. She hit her head pretty hard. And she also broke two ribs."

"There was so much blood," Amelie whispered.

The nurse smiled, a wry smile. "That was mostly superficial, due to the cuts on her scalp."