Let Me Love You | Toni Kroos

Chapter 31 - Square One

Gabi's POV

"How is it like?" Toni had asked me. "To forget everything, to start afresh?"

I thought about it. I thought about it for a really long time, all the way during the flight home, and then for a few weeks after that, while he was away at training camp and mid-season friendlies.

"Scary," I finally told him as he climbed in my window and sat down on my bed. "It's scary. I don't get a fresh start. I just get paused in some random time five years ago, with nothing to fill the space in between then and now. Nothing at all. And then...and then sometimes my mind desperately tries to find things to fill up that empty space, you know? It comes up with random things, things that...I don't know are real or not. And it gets even scarier."

"Maybe...maybe there were some people you'd rather not have met?" he asked. "And you've forgotten them, not everyone gets that opportunity. If you can call it that."

"Were there people I'd rather not have met?" I went over and sat beside him. He didn't answer me. He just looked down at his lap. "Are you talking about yourself? I'd want to meet you, Toni. If you gave me a million chances to unmeet you, I wouldn't use a single one."

He smiled. "Thanks."

"And it isn't just because you're a Bayern player," I continued. "Although you know, that's a really nice bonus to have."

"I know," he finally looked up at me. "We met before Bayern happened."

"Did I meet someone I wanted to unmeet?"

"Maybe," he smiled mysteriously. "But if I were to tell you that, then it would be ironic, because now you've unmet him."

"I hate you."

He laughed. "Love you too."

I froze. It was rather surprising, but ever since I'd returned from the hospital, no one had told me that they loved me. Or at least, no one had said that with as much impact on me as Toni had.

I love you. I love you, Gabriele. I love you so, so much, I don't think I'll ever say it enough. Gabi, I love you so much.

I hate you. Too bad, I love you.

I love you, Gabi baby. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I'd do anything for you, Gabi. Anything at all.

You are mine, okay? I'm not going to share you. I love you, Gabi. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.

I love you, too. Don't you ever, ever forget that.

I didn't notice I was staring at Toni until he got worried and asked me, "Did I say anything wrong?"

"No," I whispered, snapping out of my daze, getting up and walking to the door. "Come on, let's go downstairs for dinner."

——

Was I asleep, or was I awake? I kept replaying that statement over and over again in my head as I lay in bed, even though a few days had already passed. Love you too.

I bit my lip as tears fell out of my eyes, my head throbbing like never before. But I couldn't sleep. I had to get to the bottom of this. I had to find out what was bothering me. I couldn't continue depending on Toni and my family for the rest of my life.

Words. Images. Everything flashing past, but everything was so clear. Everything hit the right chords. I remembered everything.

Thank you, baby. Thanks for saving me. I love you so, so much. Please wake up soon, alright? I want to see your pretty blue eyes, and hear your voice. Please, baby.