Let Me Love You | Toni Kroos

Chapter 26 - Restart

Toni's POV

A few weeks had passed, and I only spoke to Gabi when we met on the street outside our houses. And even then, we only greeted each other hello. To prevent any sort of awkwardness, I'd even stopped going over to the Meisers' for dinner.

It was difficult. It was really difficult, because we'd gone from telling each other every single thing about our lives to just saying hello to each other whenever we crossed paths. Just a simple hello. No 'how's your day?' or 'I missed you yesterday.' Just hello, hey, or hi. I never even got to ask her about her physical therapy sessions, or if she was walking fine now.

I'd gone from climbing in through her window and spending hours talking to her in her room to simply wishing that I'd bump into her on the street on the way home, just so I could hear her voice.

I sighed as I rounded the corner and walked the remainder of the street to my front door – where there were two extra pairs of shoes. I went into my room only to see Felix and Amelie sitting on my bed, facing the door, evidently waiting for me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Felix.

"That's rude," Felix said. "But I won't give you shit for that."

"It's an intervention," Amelie said.

"Intervention?" I put my things down. "For what?"

"Where have you been the past few weeks?" she asked.

"Here," I stared at her. "I've been here."

"Really?" Felix raised an eyebrow. "Because according to her, you haven't said a word to anyone across the road. You've only said hi to Gabi, and that's all. And you haven't called me at all."

"I was busy," I mumbled.

"Yeah?" Felix scolded. "Busy? You've never been too busy to talk to me, or to Gabi's family. You're not busy, Toni. You're escaping."

"You can't keep running away," Amelie said gently. "I know it hurts you. It hurts Gabi too, you know? She wakes up in the middle of the night grabbing her hair and screaming. I know you've heard her. I've seen your window light up. Why are you doing this? Gabi needs you, Toni. You've been there every day for the past four years. She won't be able to remember anything without you."

"I can't," I whispered. "I...have you seen how she looks at me? I can't even look her straight in the eyes without...without my heart breaking. She doesn't even remember a single thing about me."

"Then help her," Amelie said. "I'm sure she'll remember you, Toni."

"Stop being a coward," Felix said, and Amelie nudged him. "I mean...you have to try. What are you scared of? Just talk to her."

"Why have you been so quiet?" Amelie asked. "Say something. Or cry it out. I know guys think that real men don't cry, but come on, who doesn't have feelings? Maybe crying it out will make you feel better. We won't judge you, okay? He's your little brother. And you'remy little brother."

I continued staring at them, not sure how to react, but then I felt tears stinging my eyes for the first time in days. I had been holding it all in, trying to act as if nothing was wrong, but obviously they'd seen it. They were the closest friends I had now, after I lost Gabi. I stood there in front of them with tears running down my face like a little child, just staring at them as they stared back at me.

Felix stood up and dragged me over to the bed, making me sit down in between the both of them. "Hey, I know it's been hard on you. But you have to try, okay? I know how much you love her. We all know. But you can't just sit here and wait for some sort of miracle to happen. I know you don't want to force her, and I think that's right, but you could just try to talk to her without forcing anything. It all has to start from somewhere, doesn't it? If you want things to return anywhere remotely close to what they were before, then you've got to talk to her. Help her, and help yourself."