I woke up again in my room, The Doctor was no longer on my bed. I got up and groggily wiped my eyes. I shuffled out to the console. He had been working on something below the floor, and was taking a break eating some fishsticks and custard while sitting on his homemade swing. I smiled, and went down to see him.
"Morning!" he said cheerfully,
"yeah," I smiled and grabbed a fishstick and dipped it into some custard, I took a bite,
"mmmmm" I licked my lips. He laughed, but then sneaked in a look of concern, he tried to hide it, but saw that I had already seen his face,
"what is it dad?" I asked sitting criss-cross on the ground in front of him.
"I know you must have loads of questions, please, just ask you deserve an explanation,"
I took a deep breath,
"well, my mind is just," I took another breath,
"I dunno', it's all sort of i-wobbly,"
he laughed,
"I do feel more than just getting my memory back, it feels like I've lived it all, that feeling is back, it's not like I just saw it all, I can feel all the emotion with it to," I looked down and picked at my finger, searching for better words,
"well that's good! that means its more than a memory now! it's an experience!" he waved his hands as he spoke,
"but, I still don't understand, there's just, " I got frustrated with myself, a massaged my head,
"it's okay, just, tell me," he took my hands in his,
"I, I ah, heard, something,"
a look of worry spread across his face,
"I know, and I am so incredibly sorry, I was, I was scared and lost and I needed help, Carmen, I am so, so sorry,"
"i-it's fine, I just still don't understand, what happened to me?"
he took a deep breath,
"when you were nine, I had gone out to run some errands, I-I thought the Tardis would protect you, it always had, but something got into its controls and lured you into it like a trap, I still haven't found out what, but I'm working on it. It lured you in, and somehow opened a panel that led to the heart of the Tardis, you, you small innocent pup, you fell in, and you saw the heart of the Tardis. Something no one, ever, should ever do," his voice shook,
I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't. I wasn't enough for him. I was never, enough for The Doctor.
"you shouldn't have survived, I ran in and I grabbed you, you were frozen, talking nonsense even I couldn't understand, you even know the base code of the universe. The Tardis had saved you even when I couldn't. I thought it wasn't protecting you, but it was, it gave you something no one has ever had. She gave you a gift, she gave you, time. You are the product of pure time. There has only ever been one other in all of the universe, so dangerous that she threw herself in a black hole. The gift is something that happens only once in a long, very long, complicated, million bajillion years, and you have it-"
"but I don't want it! I don't even know how to control it!" I stood up and began to turn,
"Carmen, look at me," he reached out for me but I screamed and slashed my claws,
"No!" I roared,
"Carmen Anathema you look at me right now," his voice a calm rage, like an ocean just before the hurricane,
I slowly turned back around to face him, he put his hands gently on either side of my face, and he pulled me towards him, our foreheads touched, I took deep breaths. He calmed me back into my regular form.
"I-I'm, I'm sorry I," tears streamed down my face, and I shook.
He pulled me into a hug, I fell into him, my arms falling to my side, he wrapped his arms around me, and stroked my hair,
"shhh, shhh, I got you, you're okay,"
"I know," I whispered.
***
We were back up around the console. The Doctor was fiddling with the controls, we were going somewhere, The Doctor wouldn't say where. He had been almost completely silent ever since he had gotten a call from the outside phone, with an occasional glance at me, that followed with a pitiful smile and sad brown eyes.
I knew we would be parting our ways soon. The Doctor hated goodbyes.
"River gives you her love," he said out of no where,
"oh is that who you were speaking to earlier?" I asked hopefully,
"no, she came by early this morning, but she didn't want to wake you up,"
"then who was the call with?"
"No one, it doesn't matter,"
"I think it does!" I laughed shrilly, I knew he was hiding something,
"it really doesn't Carmen,"
"why won't you tell me?!"
"Because I don't have to! Carmen why can't you just!-" he slammed one of his hands on the railing as be raised his voice,
I stepped back in shock,
"I'm sorry I didn't," I stuttered and looked away messing with a knob on the console,
"Carmen," he sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair,
"I know," I looked up at him, I knew now for sure this was going to be goodbye for a while.
The Tardis made its wheezing engine sound that sang a sad farewell to me, my stomach got a sick twist in it. I hated goodbyes just as much as he did.
We walked to the door, side by side, and before he could open it I stopped him,
"wait!" I said,
"where am I going?"
"I can't say, you'll just have to see for yourself,"
"come with," I said quietly, already knowing his answer,
"I can't, this is something you have to do by yourself," his voice shaking, he looked down at me with his big sad eyes, the glistened with tears, but he was holding them back,
I shook my head,
"I don't want to go," I whimpered,
a tear fell from his face, and he hugged me. He opened the Tardis door, and I stepped out. I turned around and watched as it faded away, the sound I knew I wouldn't hear for a long, long time.
