Waiting For Superman

The Funeral

     "Cass, are you ready?" 

     My mom came up behind me, resting her hand on my shoulder. I turned to her, blinking a few times, willing myself not to cry. I had just finished doing my makeup. It was much too early into the day to ruin it already. I tugged at the black skirt I had settled on, adjusting it. 

     "Yeah," I lied. Would I ever really be ready to attend the funeral of my best friend? 

    "Let me just go see if Dad's ready to go." She kissed the top of my head, her hands smoothing my curls. I nodded, watching her disappear around the corner. I could hear her footsteps moving up the stairs, as the room spun around me. I leaned against the back of the couch for support, and I wondered what every one else was doing this morning. Mia, Trevor, Ryan's family and other friends would all be awake, dressing in their nicest black clothes, willing themselves not to cry. 

    I moved to the kitchen counter, lifting the picture before me into my hands. My fingers curled around the edges, as I looked down at Ryan's goofy smile, his arm snaked around my waist. I felt my lips curl slightly as tears pricked at my eyes, and I studied my face instead of his. My smile was so genuine; it made my heart hurt. It'd be a while before I could smile like that again. 

    I heard my footsteps coming down the stairs, and I slid the picture into the small black purse draped over my shoulder. I turned around to face the doorway into the kitchen. My mom appeared first, my dad following close behind. They both tried to smile, but I knew they were hurting too. Most of their pain was seeing what I was going through, but I knew that they had loved Ryan as well. Their eyes showed pity, something I knew I'd be getting a lot of today. 

    I moved to join them, following my mom out the door into the garage. My dad's hand rested on my shoulder as we moved toward the car. I ducked into the backseat, tugging the seatbelt over my shoulder. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. 

     We drove in silence. I watched out the window as we drove past our high school, the park Ryan and I had hung out with countless summers growing up, and his favorite restaurant. I took in every inch of the town around me, which was quieter than usual this time of morning. I was sure there were hundreds of people lining up to pay their respects. Everyone knew Ryan. 

    I counted the stop signs (7), the street lights (3), the cars (24) we drove past on the way to the funeral home. These were the things I had gotten so used to seeing, and yet they could be so easily gone. I would never get to experience Ryan's impatience when we were waiting at a red light  or the way he'd press his foot against the accelerator a little too hard to make it through a yellow light, causing us to jerk and laugh. 

    I counted the seconds my dad stopped at each stop sign, and the time it took for each light to turn green. As we pulled up to the beautiful stone funeral home, my stomach was flipping, nausea coming over me. The car pulled into one of the few empty parking spots left in the lot, shifting the car into park. None of us moved. 

    "Are you ready?" My mom looked over her shoulder. I leaned against the window, closing my eyes, ignoring her. I could pretend for a few more seconds that it was all a dream before I had to look at Ryan's lifeless body lying in the casket. 

    I took a deep breath, my fingers fumbling with the seat belt. I unclicked it, pushing up the door before I could change my mind. My parents followed. My eyes settled on the blonde standing near the front entrance. My lips curled into a partial smile, as I moved toward her. 

    "Hi, Gorgeous." She was smiling, and she held her arms out as soon as I got into reach.

    "Hey." I stepped into them, her arms tightening around me. 

     When I stepped back after a second, she reached out, tucking a curl behind my ear. I smiled thankfully, just staring at her. I felt my mom's hand rest against my back, as she whispered in my ear that her and my dad would be inside if I needed them. I watched them move up the concrete stairs, pulling open the thick wooden doors. As soon as the doors closed, them vanishing from my sight, I turned back.

    "Mia," I whispered, and she stepped forward to pull me into a hug again.   

    "Cassie," she promised, "everything will be okay."

    "Hey Cassie? I don't mean to interrupt."

     We pulled back from each other, and I turned to face the voice speaking behind me. Trevor stood before me in a dress shirt, his suit coat draped across one arm. I looked up, his eyes meeting mine. Neither of us spoke, staring at each other in silence. 

    Mia rested her hand on my shoulder, "I'll go sit by your parents. We'll save you a seat."  

    "Thank you," I whispered, turning back to face her. She smiled, nodded, and moved toward the front doors. 

    "Hi. You look really nice." I finally spoke, turning back to face Trevor. 

    "You look beautiful." 

    My heart beat a little faster, and I, without hesitation, stepped forward to wrap my arms around his waist. I could feel his heart beating; its quick pace matched mine. He rested his chin on the top of my head, his hand moving to rub up and down my back. 

   I pulled back after only a second, smiling up at him. "We should get inside."

  "We should," he agreed. 

   He slid his jacket on, adjusting his tie. He took a deep breath, looking down at me. His fingers brushed over mine accidentally as our hands hung beside each other. I could see the fear in his eyes, and I curled my fingers around his. He looked down at our hands tangled together, before looking back up at me and smiling. 

    "You make this a little easier." His voice was already shaky, and I didn't respond, only squeezing his hand a little tighter and taking the initiative to lead us up the four stairs to the front door. I froze there, however, and I was thankful I had him to will me to continue. His free hand reached out toward the door, his fingers curling around the handle. He paused for a second before pulling the door open. Dozens of people in black filled our vision, and our hands separated for just long enough for each of us to walk one at a time into the hallway. His hand grasped mine again, and I felt us take a deep breath in unison.