Waiting For Superman

Let Me Love You

       I shifted against Trevor, my eyes fluttering open. 

      "Hi," Trevor mumbled into my hair, and I closed my eyes again, sighing contently. "This is nice."  

      "I agree," I whispered. 

      "Did you sleep at all?"

      "A little," I mumbled against him. "Did you? How are you feeling?"

      "Better, now that you're here."

        We stayed here, not moving, for several minutes. My mind was wandering, filled with doubts. I had obviously just realized that I had insanely strong feelings for Trevor, but I also knew that I hadn't been able really focus on myself since Ryan's death. Ryan had been my best friend for so long, and I had never really dealt with my own issues. A small part of me wanted to take time for myself. I had always been everyone else's rock. Even now, when there was nothing more that I needed than a friend, I was the one taking care of everyone else. 

       While I would never even consider turning my back on Trevor, especially when he truly needed my help, I also knew that as happy as he made me, he was probably too sad for a relationship right now. It was impossible to tell if either of our feelings were genuine. I honestly couldn't tell if I had just felt so strongly about him because I was hurting and I missed my best friend, or if, in different circumstances, things would have been the same. 

      Trevor had quickly become my best friend, and I was sure that I was his. We had separated ourselves from all of our other friends, and I knew that was taking a toll on Sophie. Things had been so different. Every waking second of every single day, I was with Trevor or I was talking about Trevor or I was worrying about Trevor. 

      "Trevor," I started. 

      "Cassie."

      "Trevor, I don't know what we're doing."

      "Just let me love you." 

      "I want you to, but I also don't want to lose you. What if this doesn't work out?"

     "What if it does?"

      "What if it doesn't?"

      "I love you." 

      That made me shut up. I closed my eyes again, taking a deep breath. I still had my doubts. My thoughts were still rushing around my head. Now, though, I felt as though all of the little voices in my head were no longer shouting 'abort mission!' and were starting to come around to the idea of us. I just don't think either of us could handle losing another best friend. 

     "I hope that didn't just freak you out," Trevor laughed against me. 

      It was so nice to hear him laugh.  I knew he had so much grief and sadness, and even more guilt. Losing Ryan was the hardest thing that I had ever gone through, and I couldn't even begin to imagine how it would feel if I had been with him. Survivor's guilt was real. There was nothing more that I wanted to be the one that could make every day a little more bearable.

     I wanted nothing more than for him to be that for me, too. 

    "I love you, too," I assured him. "I love you so much."

    He leaned down to press his lips against mine. I could get used to those kisses. 

   "Ryan is so happy right now," he whispered, he smiled against my lips, kissing me again. 

     I smiled back, pulling him closer, knowing that he was absolutely right. This just might work. After all, we had Ryan to look over us. Ryan was never wrong.