just imagine me away (tronnor)

2.16

Connor

"Don't talk to me like that, Emily," Mom hisses in the other room. I sit nervously with Dad in the kitchen.

"You never give a crap what happens to me - " Emily's words are cut off by a knock on the door, though she keeps yelling. Mom would be even more mad is she found out that someone was inside the house and hearing Em yell like this. I stand up to answer the door anyways.

I open it.

Troye.

"SHUT UP."

It feels normal and right and completely wrong and I don't think I can handle anymore of him, however much I want my best friend back.

"Look, Emily - "

"What the hell do you want?" I said, probably too loudly, but that didn't matter.

He winces at my tone. "I just, thought maybe, if I explained in person maybe you would listen because frick I miss you so much and I screwed up and I don't know how to fix it and texting is working and I can't handle not having you again and - " he frowned.

Emily's whisper echoed throughout the house. "Whatever, Mom. It's not like I matter anyways."

I hear Dad stand up and go upstairs.

"Is - Is this a bad time?"

"Yes. So please get the hell away from me."

"Connor, I need to explain, please,"

"You had your goddamn chance, Troye! You destroyed all my trust for no reason - "

"Connor! I had a reason! I was a damn stupid one but there was one and I don't know what I was thinking but somehow I got this idea that if everyone knew you were gay the maybe..."

"Maybe what, Troye? Maybe you would make make me question all of my friendships? Maybe you would ruin the best thing I've ever had? Maybe - "

"Maybe you would be okay with loving me, dammit!"

"What?"

"I - I thought maybe if you started out with thinking that it was an okay thing and if the rest of the world knew you were gay you'd be okay if the rest of the world knew how much I loved you and maybe that you loved me - "

I did it without thinking. His shirt was in my hand, and I was pulling him closer and our lips met and he was stunned and then leaned into the kiss and I shoved him back and ignored the fire in my heart and - "That is bullshit and you are an awful friend, and you need to get the hell out of my life," and then the door was closed and he was gone and it was over.

- - - -

Emily and I laid side by side on her bed, her tangled in the sheets and me lying on top of them.

"Did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That he's gay."

Immediately, she knows what and who I'm talking about. "Yeah. Yeah I knew."

"You also knew he liked me?"

"Why do you think that I wanted the two of you to watch that movie together? I thought maybe if you watched Chris and PJ fall in love then maybe you two would too. Like how you sort of came out because we were watching it."

"Umm, yeah, I guess."

"What'd he say? Downstairs, I mean."

"Em, I kissed him, and what the hell am I supposed to do now?"

She sat up, almost shocked. "After all of that? After everything that he did, you kissed him."

"I'm tempted to quote 'Frozen' and say that it's true love but I don't know what I was thinking."

"Yeah, I don't know what you were thinking either. But you obviously like him, and he came to find you, and hopefully apologize for being a piece of - "

"Em, it doesn't matter now I kicked him out and - "

"Then go after him," she said quietly, "He messed up big-time but if you...If you can forgive him, Con, then you should."

I sat up next to her. "I just don't know if I can trust him, Em..."

"You're going to have to trust someone eventually and it might as well be Troye, if you love him. But I will murder him if you hurts you again, 'kay?"

"Thanks, Em."

"Now get out of here; go find your true love," she laughed. "And go quick, before this can get anymore cliché."

I laughed, and then started the long run to Troye's house.