When Redneck and Ghetto clash

Chapter 2: Redneck

As a teenage girl, it's normal to get annoyed with your parents right? That means my life ain't as bad as I think it is right?

Wrong.

Hellooooooo. My dad is a redneck.

A full-blown one. Soooooo redneck that he could possibly win two awards without effort.

First one would've been the "Worst Father" award. I probably sound like I'm exaggerating but let me tell you something he did to me when I was a kid.

When I was 2 or so, he told me I needed to learn how to swim. Of course, any normal and loving parent would've done something like sign the child up for the lessons. Maybe even teach them how to swim themselves!

Is that what Pa did? No sirree! Pa took me to a pond(more like a swamp) about 3 miles away from the shack.

Right before we arrived I asked, "Pa, Im gon' learn how ta swim today?"

He responded, "Oh, You gon' learn all right!"

A response with suspicion of such magnitude should've immediately told my conscience to run away. But lets be real here, I was only 2. Even if I somehow figured out my fate ahead of time, where would I get the strength to run away? I could barely lift up my bowl of cornflakes for din din.

Shortly after, he asked if I wanted a piggy back ride in the water. And of COURSE I accepted! I was two years old! Piggy-back rides are more precious than money at that age.

Now I know what you're thinking. What kind of dumb-ass would fall for that? I guess my brother Cletus had drugged my milk this morning. Again(which was spoiled anyways).

I happily attempted to jump on his back expecting to latch on..... Ya know, the whole entire piggy back procedure.

But that's what I EXPECTED. Not what actually happened.

What had happened waaaaa he grabbed and held me by my shirt collar(what kind of father does that?!) and threw me in the so called "pond"( *cough* swamp).

The last memory I had before sinking was Pa getting comfy under a barren tree and calling out one last time "If ya wanna survive, swim child!"

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

At this point, I was drowning fast and the weeds under the water started to tangle with my feet.

Remember when I said I was weak?

Yea... I wasn't lying. I kicked, I wriggled, I jiggled, and even did the hokey pokey but nothing seemed to work.

Luckily, that day Ma had given me a pocket knife in case anybody tried anything funny on me.

I struggled to get it out my pocket but I got it!

Now at this point, you'd assume I woulda just cut the weeds off my legs and magically swim to shore right?

Right?

Wrong.

My stupid,little happy ass dropped the knife.

Well what did you expect?

I'm in murky waters. AND TWO YEARS OLD.

But I continued to sink and soon become level with the bottom of the plants.

I had only one option left.

Eat

my

way

out.

Now that probably sounds stupid. But what choice did I have left?

Wait for Pa to come rescue?

PUH- leaseeee.

Waiting for a unicorn to come from the 8th dimension to come rescue my sorry ass was more of a realistic statement than Pa rescuing me.

I began to bite the away the stem of the plant, and I could feel my lungs quickly filling with water. As soon as I was free, I started to thrash my legs wildy in a somewhat coordinated way and flail my arms helplessly.

I made it though.

I would've died.

Of course, the first thing Pa said when I emerged from the water was, "Oh, I thought you was dead. Ha, I'm proud of you child!"

Sad truth is, that wasnt the only time he tried to kill me...

Pa's real lazy too(if you haven't figured it out yet). I meannnn, he is sooooo lazy that if he won an award for it, he'd still send someone to go get it for him.

I have a feeling Pa's forgotten our names too, so he just calls us all "child". Maybe he wouldn't have so many children if he would've kept his junk in his pants.

Pa obviously doesn't like me. I mean, the guy has tried to kill me multiple times.

Meanwhile in assholeville, my annoying 10 year old twin brothers, Buck and Cletus, love our Pa!

He takes them fishing and eeerrryyything. And if you think my family can't get even crazier, it's worse.

Remember when my Ma left?

Well... my 18 year old sister Casey acted as a replacement Ma for dad.

He thought he was in love though. He claimed whenever she spoke he thought he heard bells chiming.

He's right though, her voice sounds like a garbage truck backing up on her sorry ass.

But now shes pregnant.

With her own fathers baby.

This story couldn't get any worse right?

Oh wait!It gets even more fucked up! She is actually HAPPY about it.

Then again, my sister is a ho.

She is all over boys like ants are all over food.

So yea.

That's my strange family.

I needed to get away from it all.

I've actually considered going to live in Walmart by myself.

Cletus told me to go to McDonald's though. He said it's slightly fancier and the food is high class.

Once again.

Bad service and stinky babies.

Maybe I should try living under the bridge.

I tried living with my teacher once. He told me I could sleep in the dog house. Not all that comfy,but still better than my shack.

One day though I was fed up. With everything and everyone.

I just walked away from it all.

I literally just got up and walked out the shack. And of course Pa caught me.

He asked in an unconcerned tone ,"Where you heading child?", not even looking and paying me no mind.

I answered empathetically, "Even if I told you, you ain't gonna do nothing bout it."

He responded with "You say sumefin?"

And that was it.

I just walked away.

Away from it all.

The idiots.

The sluts.

The pain.

All was left behind me.

Just like my mother, I walked, with my non existant bum shaking, and middle finger high in the air.

About a mile away I realized, 'Oh shit.' Where the hell am I headed?!?

I still kept walking.

I don't give a shit.