Limerence | I

01. Upper West Side

By the age of 11, I had my entire life planned out. I was going to attend Juilliard after high school, become a professor at my alma mater, move to the Upper West Side of Manhattan, then open up my very own music school in Midtown. For someone like me, my dreams seemed almost out of reach but my mind had already been made up. Not many people made it out of Brownsville but I was determined to. Not only for me but for my family. And I didn't have much family growing up but those that I did have were more supportive than I could ever ask of them.

Growing up in the projects wasn't the most pleasant experience. I witnessed a lot that the majority of kids in the country didn't. But after a while, the constant shootings, drug activity, and prostitution began to seem normal. Of course, I was still afraid but being the optimist that I am, I was convinced that my life could have been worse. I had a loving mother that worked two jobs to support my three brothers and I. And despite the five of us sharing a closet sized two bedroom apartment, I was comfortable because we made the best of it. Even knowing how dangerous our Brooklyn neighborhood was, we didn't spend much time in the house.

Around the corner was the neighborhood's pizzeria. My brothers and I spent half of our childhood at Antonio's Pizza as in my opinion, they had the most mouth watering pizza in the borough. I had major life events happen at Antonio's. Like when I was asked on my first date, and when I fractured my wrist and I was afraid that I would never play the piano again, to when I witnessed my younger brother's first seizure.But not all of our memories were made in the pizzeria. There was one in the arcade down the street when my big brother, Eli, was shot in the shoulder. And one behind the abandoned apartment building just two blocks from our's where I witnessed him sell drugs to a crack addict. I hated him after that but not for too long. He had a charm about him that was irresistible; even to our mother. So when he chose to drop out of high school at the beginning his junior year, she wasn't angry for more than a week and a half. High school drop outs were normal in our family. My mother dropped out when she got pregnant with Eli at 14. My late uncle Charlie -- whom I'm named after -- dropped out to take care of my grandmother when he turned 16. Other than my aunt, Kelis, no one has survived all four years of high school.

Auntie Kel lived in the Lower East Side of Manhattan with her husband, Jared. Even though she graduated from high school, she didn't accomplish much. She married at the young age of nineteen to the neighborhood's pimp. Or at least that's what everyone thought he was. He provided her with the opportunity to get out of Brooklyn and she jumped on it. She and my mother didn't have the best relationship as my mother always said that she would live in the hood before she lived off of a whore's money. And frankly, I would agree. Too bad Auntie Kel was the only person that I knew that lived close enough to Julliard for me to commute to school every morning. And there was no way in hell that I could afford room and board. I would barely be able to pay tuition as I was planning on getting by on solely financial aid. So when Auntie Kel offered to let me stay with her, I couldn't pass it up.

Moving in was easy because I didn't have much stuff; just a few suitcases of clothes and makeup. Auntie Kel and Jared lived in a one bedroom so I would be crashing on the couch. I didn't mind because my mind was so focused on orientation in the morning. My heart raced just thinking about attending Juilliard and being coached by the best in the country but at the same time I couldn't help but feel intimidated because I knew there would be students so much better than me. And at Juilliard, everything was a competition. I tossed and turned in my sleep that night. My nerves were building up by the second just waiting for my phone's alarm clock to ring. I ended up falling asleep around three in the morning only to wake up at four. And even then, I wasn't tired. I spent nearly an hour and a half on hair and makeup before putting on the outfit that I set out for myself the night before. I didn't know what to expect from these Julliard kids. Many of them -- most of them -- would be rich. I on the other hand, could barely afford to buy a metro card to get there.

My felt like my subway ride from the LES to the UWS took ages when in reality is was merely 30 minutes. But when I finally arrived at my dream school, I wished that it had taken a little longer. I needed just a few more minutes to prepare for the next four years of hard work and dedication. When I built up enough courage to walk into the building, the hallways were flooded with students. Everyone was following the arrows directed toward the performance hall. My anxiety faded, realizing that the performance hall was where my audition was held. I came to terms with my acceptance into the prestigious school. If I wasn't good enough, I would have received a rejection letter or worse; nothing at all. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I began to feel the positive vibe of the environment. Creativity was in the air as I observed so many different kinds of people. People of all ethnicities and cultural backgrounds. There were some with curly hair, straight hair, blue hair, piercings in a million different places. It was like heaven opened it's gates right before me.

Upon entering the performance hall, nearly every seat was occupied. I bit the corner of my bottom lip, standing on the tips of my toes to search for a empty seat. Just when I was about to give up and stand, a young lady sitting in the row ahead of me caught my attention.

"There's a seat right here." She said as she moved to the seat on the left of her, leaving the aisle seat for me. I smiled politely at the young lady. She had a perfect caramel skin tone and curly shoulder length hair. Her eyes were a deep hazel, making it easy to get lost in them. Her smile was perfectly straight and white. "I'm Astrid Hernandez. I'm an actress." She extended her arms in my direction for a hand shake. I was ecstatic that at least one person was attempting to make conversation with me.

"Charli Shaw. Pianist." I introduced myself. Her perfectly arched eyebrows lifted. She nodded her head in approval.

"That's so cool. My boyfriend is a pianist too. Well, he double majors in Vocals and Music Composition." She used a matter of fact tone. I was excited to hear of someone that I had something in common with. And even though he wasn't at the orientation, I was looking forward to meeting him once classes started. "Maybe I can introduce you guys. You might hit it off."

"Can't wait." I responded he though I wasn't completely convinced that I would see her again after orientation was over. Before she could respond to me, the sound of a screeching microphone halted everyone's conversations. My head snapped in the direction of the stage. Standing with the microphone in his hand was the main spectator from my Audition. Looking at him brought back the memories of my audition. In that moment I felt the excitement, anxiety and disappointment of that day. Then I felt the relief of my acceptance letter.

"Good Morning, everyone and welcome to The Juilliard School. It is a pleasure to have many young and talented faces in our presence. We are gathered here today to formally introduce you to Juilliard and all of the doors that will be opened. I am Professor Huck, head of admissions and Music Composition Director. First, I would like all of you to give yourselves a round of applause for all of your hard work and dedication that it took to get you into this performance hall." He smiled when the auditorium erupted into an overwhelming amount of excitement. There were those that sat calmly in their seats and clapped like I did, and then there were those that cheered louder than I had ever heard before like Astrid did. She stood on the auditorium's seat and clapped roughly. She cupped her hands around her mouth and let out a howl. I giggled, watching her. "Alright, alright. Settle down."

It took a good 30 seconds before it was quiet enough for Professor Huck to speak again. For the remainder of the orientation, he spoke on what he believed were the most important things to know about Juilliard. He talked to us about courses, office hours, guidance, and even all of the showcases tat would be held throughout the year. That was the moment that I knew, it would be an amazing journey. When orientation was over, I wanted to go through it all over again. I couldn't wait for Monday morning when I had my first course. I was taking my first Piano Performance class. I was no longer nervous, but almost fidgeting at how anxious I was.

"Hey, Charli." Astrid caught up to me as I was exiting the performance hall. I didn't realize how tall she was until she stood beside me. She was at least half of a foot taller than me.

"What's up?" I slowed down my speed so she could keep up with me. She took her phone out of the back pocket of her faded blue jeans. She handed it to me but I hesitated to take it.

"Put your number in it." she spoke as if she was explaining something very simple to a child. I giggled out of slight embarrassment. I entered my number and name quickly so I could hand the it back to her. "Good. There's a party on Friday night. I'll send you the details. See you Monday." She hurried off, disappearing into the crowd. She was interesting but I liked her. I needed some friends with a personality to help me out of my shell.