Salty lips

Chapter 17

The silent night rage outside.I adjust the earpiece,my eyes fixed ahead,taking notice on every movement that could help me.The team is already on position,scattered around the shadows of the warehouse.

Roman's voice breaks the silence through my earpiece.

"North and east are covered.No movement still."

I nod my head,-even though he couldn't see me-getting out of the car with Holden by my side,his gun low and eyes scanning.

"I have a bad feeling about this."I whisper lowly.

"Why?You are supposed to be the happiest man alive now.We are searching for this fucker for months and now we have him on our palms."

We move slow towards the front doors.My men move around the building,guns on their belts,ready to aim.

"Are we ready,boss?"I hear Roman's voice lowly through the comms

"Get ready."

One part of my team follow me,while getting closer to the north side with our guns lowered to the ground.It was about high time we caught those fuckers and I was so waiting for this.I could feel the excitement rolling off me at this point.

We met halfway through the way with the other group.Mike,an overly good trainee of my team,nods at me.

I lean towards the door,pressing my ear for any sign of noise.

"No sign of life outside,boss"Roman  states through the earbuds and I break down the door with one hard push.All my men search around the place for those little rats.

I stop on my tracks,breathing through my nose.No possible fucking way.No,no,fucking no.

I watch my men searching all the rooms,desperate to find an ounce of them.Those freaking fuckers.

They knew we were coming and they slipped out of our hands just like that.I felt my anger rolling out in waves.I throw away my gun,letting out a grunt as I bang the door behind me.

Fuck that.Fuck everything.

I lean my head on my car's wheel feeing yet again disappointed with myself.I had came to conclusion that something was wrong with me,like really wrong,because from the moment I can remember,everything I did was leaded to disaster.

My parents' death,relationships with people,my job,even me.

I knew I was fucked up,but the actual reminder of it stung a little more.

I hear the opening and closing of the door."Don't beat yourself up,it's not your fault."

"Isn't it?"I clench my jaw,trying to keep my anger in check because Holden only wanted to comfort me.

"No,it's not."He shakes his head,laughing in disbelief."Why would you even think that?"He lights a cigarette but before he can take a drag of it,I snatch it off,bringing it to my lips.

"Asshole."He murmurs,almost too lowly for me not to hear,almost.

"Watch your mouth or your next mission will be on the toilet's bowl."

He gasps,putting his hand over his heart offended."This is Roman's job,not mine.!"

"It's your turn though."I point out.

"Liar!If you make me do this,I'll tell everyone you like Liliya."He smiles smugly.

"I don't fucking like her."

"Liliya and Orpheus sitting down on a tree,KISSING."

"You are such a shit fuck."

He fake gasps,pulling off his vest and throwing it at the back of the car with the millionth other things that he has thrown-cans of beer,candy,socks-and while I didn't really care about it because it wasn't my car,I still found it disgusting.

"Soo."I watch him opening a bag of chips,chewing on them loudly and I sigh rolling down my window because of their weird smell.

"No."I snap already fed up with his bullshit.

"Come on it's the first time you like someone,let me tease you a little."

"I don't fucking like her.I just..."I snap.Honestly it didn't fucking matter if I liked her or not.It was just a kiss anyway.An unfuckingbelievable perfect kiss.But that was it.Nothing more nothing less and that's exactly how it would stayed.

We pulled over,getting out of the car.The car repairing sign coming into view.Yeah car repairing.
I stroll into the room,telling Roman to visit me in my office.

"You look like shit."Roman smiles setting a cup of black coffee for me.Holden holds In his laugh and I sent a glare his way to shut him up and he does.

After hours of pulling out new cards and ways they could go,we called it a night.

Back home,I fell into bed exhausted,but as usual,I couldn't bring myself to sleep-at least not peacefully.

I took a quick shower to waste some time,and afterwards I spent ten minutes staring at the awful,disgusting scars on my chest and back before finally laying down.

How could she ever like me if she saw them?

I cringe at how pathetic that thought sounds.I was never the type to feel insecure about my body.Ive worked hard-really hard-to be in perfect shape.I just never cared to show it to anyone.Because there was no one for me.

God,I'm losing my mind.

I opened my drawer,took out my anxiety pills,popped two into my mouth,and settled back into bed,feeling my muscles relax.

For a moment I thought about texting her ,just to see what she's doing,but I forced myself not to.I need to get a fucking grip.Instead of texting her,I messaged my uncle to let him know how the mission went.His only response was:
"Sweet."

Sweet my ass.

He was definitely angry-probably tearing himself up over yet another failed mission.

A low buzz rattled against the nightstand.My phone.For a moment my heart kicked up,stupidly hoping it was her.But of course it wasn't.When I reached for it,my uncle's name lit up the screen.

"Tomorrow at mine.Dont be late."

I tossed my phone aside-not even bothering to respond-and rubbed a hand over my face.My scars burned under my fingertips-old pain but somehow it felt fresh again.Like the past was trying to claw its way out of me.

The pills started to hit harder.My thoughts slowed,blurring at the edges and i welcomed the numbness.Anything was better than this constant ache under my ribs.

As I drifted ,my thoughts swam back to her.

Stop thinking about her,I told myself.You are not good for her.

But even as the darkness pulled me under,the last thing I saw wasn't my uncle's message,or the mission,or the scars-it was her.

Indeed sweet.

Author's note
Thanks for reading!