dog house [c.h.]

01

     I never really got over Calum, as silly as it sounds. It had been almost 2 years, I was turning 18 soon. Although Calum had been my first real relationship, that didn't mean I hadn't had more since we had broken up. 

     The things I had done to try and get that boy out of my mind were ridiculous. I had dated 3 guys and hooked up with multiple others. I even tried turning to smoking once, but it made me sick to my stomach, and I ended up barfing all over my brother. 

     Adam had really helped me through a lot through the past two years. He ended up replacing Calum, in a weird way. He wouldn't shower me in kisses or let me sit on his lap when I was sad, but he understood me. I didn't need to tell him anything if I didn't want to, but if I did want to he was the most amazing listener. Not once has he complained about all my venting and crying. Also, when I got into one of these "moods," he let me lean my head onto the coziest crook of his neck, and I would just curl up next to him and let his hairs tickle my face. 

     So here Adam and I sat, on the couch in my room; me curled up in him and him giving my back soothing pats. My most recent boyfriend, Brad, had just broken up with me. I was too "distant" and never "seemed pleased." Honestly, I never even liked Brad anyways, he was on the football team at our school, he was big, buff and hot, but he was an asshole. For some reason though, getting dumped always seemed to hurt though. Maybe it was the feeling of not being good enough, or maybe it was the feeling of embarrassment, knowing that nobody could ever replace Calum. 

     The thing was, I didn't even want Calum back. He was pretty messed up after we broke up too, but eventually moved on to become popular with the ladies. He hooked up with countless girls before finally settling with Jane Smith, one of the most popular girls in our school. Jane Smith was such an average name for such an extraordinary girl. I have to admit, as much as I don't like Jane, she's made some huge accomplishments. She's the most athletic girl at our school, taking up leader of the cheer team as a hobby. She competitively plays soccer, and is nationally ranked or something, and also does volleyball and gymnastics on the side. It's wild. She also has some of the best grades in the school, she takes all AP and IB classes and is a straight A student. 

     Unlike Jane, Calum isn't the brightest student. After me, Calum's grades sort of went down hill. Rumor is he barely passed his junior year. It's a shame because I know what a great mind he's got in him, he just doesn't care anymore. Like Jane, he plays soccer too, but he's absolutely rubbish. Nobody knows how he made the team. Although Calum is hot as fuck, he has a shit personality. He's just turned into a bad guy, really. I haven't spoken to him basically since I found him with that random brunette at that party two years ago. He left me at least 100 voice mails. At first, the messages made me unbearably sad, they were just of him crying and saying things like, "I fucked up so bad," "Holy shit I miss you so much," or him just repeating, "I'm so sorry." I hardly heard him cry in the two years that we dated. Then the messages started getting more desperate, him begging for me to talk to him again, saying he just wanted to see my face again. I broke down into tears, I became so weak. I told Adam everything, and the next day at school him and Calum got in a fight. Both had five days suspension and a lot of bruises and cuts, but I haven't heard from Calum since. 

     There are days when I really miss Calum, but over all I know I don't need him, and I did the right thing by getting him out of my life. The feelings come back some days and sometimes it hurts so bad and all I can do is curl into a ball and sob. I also have insomnia now. I've always gotten bad dreams at night and had trouble sleeping, but something about Calum didn't make it all as bad. He would sneak into my room a lot and climb into bed with me and nuzzle is head into my neck and things would be better. But since all that's happened between us, the bad dreams turned into nightmares and my troubles with sleeping turned into me not being able to sleep at all without sleeping pills.