Eva Marie

Chapter 9

Real letters from a real girl abandoned by her father...

"Why'd you leave? I've heard way too many different stories. Stories that made me hate you. Are they true? Did u even like me? I mean if you did then you wouldn't have left right? I know you have kids and you're married. Do you even think of me? I think about you all the time. I hate you and love you. It's all so confusing. I want to see you and know you but, I don't want to upset my family. I've dreamed of you. One even had my family in it. I didn't even want to wake up I was so happy. Haha I'm crying now and I don't even know why... I never let anybody truly know the real me. To be fair, at this point I don't even know the real me anymore. Just recently I've been opening up. So many people have hurt me and betrayed me and made fun of me. I have no trust anymore. I barely trust my own family. Call me pathetic for writing this....I don't know why I am but, it helps make the pain go away. All my life I've dreamed, hoped and wished for you to come back and you never did. I still remember the day I found out you weren't coming anymore. That was the day I felt completely heartbroken and shattered. All I said was "oh" and I walked away. I was three when you left. Just tell me the truth. Why?"

"Dear Keith,
I still have memories of you. Actually no, it's only one. I remember it was either my 3rd or 4th birthday and all of my family was there including you. You took me to the park in the apartments and we were there for what seemed like hours. I remember pretending I was a pirate and you were my prisoner. You were wearing a hat and I think green glasses. We were so happy. I also remember later that day we were walking back to my home with one of those toy food carts with fake food in it. While we were walking I tripped and scraped my knee and I started crying and you felt so bad. I remember when I found out you weren't going to see me anymore. I found it strange that you hadn't come in a while. So, I went in my living room where my parents were spending time together and I said exactly "Where's Keith?" and they told me you weren't coming anymore. I don't know if you ever experienced this feeling but, I quite literally felt my heart shatter. You'd think someone at my age at the time wouldn't understand, yet I did. I didn't know if I'd ever stop crying. I still cry whether it's hearing or seeing your name or even talking or thinking about you. IT'S BEEN FUCKING 11 GODDAMN YEARS!!! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO MAKE YOU HATE ME THIS MUCH!?!
Sincerly,
Your first born