MODERN BIBLE

OLD SKOOL--NOAH & THE ARK

So a few hundred years pass and now the earth is pretty hecking populated, but what's not rad about that is the fact that literally everyone in the world has become ratchet and uncool and they forgot about God, like actually everyone. Except for one man and his crew, Noah.

One day God was scopin out the world and he decided that he needed to delete everything. In fact he was so disappointed he actually said he wished he hadn't made people, but he knew from the beginning of time that this'd happen. So then he saw Noah and was like "This is our man."

Noah was pure and good and loved God, so The Big Man spoke to him and said "Yo listen here, imma straight up throw away everyone and everything on this planet and hey ur a good guy so i'll save you and ur familia but one tiny detail: u gotta make a boat."

And Noah seemed pretty chill with it so he was all "okay God what shud I do first?"

God gave him instructions and was like "Make the boat yay high by yay wide and use some of that quality wood"

So over the course of a lot of years Noah completed le ark with the help of his sons. It was exactly yay high by yay wide as God had told him to do. Then God was like "ok son you need some animals because these creatures r so dang cool i'm gonna save them too, so get two of each kind, a dude and a chick, and keep them on your boat." (However there were a few extra birds and whatnot used for offerings.)

But after the boat was filled and Noah had listened to his Dad precisely, there were some lame-o ppl who thought Noah was out of his mind. They made fun of him and told him he was whack.

Then, the final message came from God and he told Noah to get into the ark. Noah was there with his 3 boyz, their wifeys, and his own wifey. The door of the ark was too hecking large for Noah to close by himself, so God was like "Ayy I got dis dun worry about a ting."

So then the sky started to cry really hard and water just started to shoot up from the ground like crazy and pretty soon everyone who had teased Noah realized they had been dumb as heck and wished they could get on the ark but God was like "TOO BAD ur all gonna die and this is whatchu get for the disrespect."

For 40 days and 40 nights the sky continued to cry and the ark was all that was left of anything on the earth. then everything seemed pretty chill so Noah sent a crow out the window to check if they'd reached land-aho, but the crow never came back so Noah was like ok we can't get out yet fam.

Then he sent a dove, and this time it came back with a branch in its mouth aka land was close!!! Noah's squad and all the animals exited the boat eventually and were like yESSSS WE MADE IT THANK U GOD ILYSM

And God was feelin fly with how the journey turned out so he was like "this was a happy ending and instead of a promise ring imma make a promise rainbow, i will never ever erase the world with water ever again." And then the first rainbow was born!!!

So from there, Noah's sons split up and went to different parts of the new world and the animals reproduced and so did humans!! Again!!

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[A/N: whaddup fam it's soph!!! this one was pretty short i know, but i think the main idea has been displayed pretty all right-ly. the story of Noah is shared to not only explain what happened after Adam and Eve but to also show what perfect obedience looks like! Noah was chosen because God knew Noah would listen to him and not doubt in or question His plans. And after that, God showed his kawaii side and made a rainbow as a promise. We still see his promise every time it rains and then turns sunny!!! Isn't that cute]