I Should Go

Two

The next morning, Brandon went and got the kids. Good thing it's a Saturday. I got called into work to help out with another partner. Brandon decided to spend the whole day with the kids.

I don't think of Josh as my brother. I think of him as one of my own. Although my mom does still come to the house, I ask her not to say anything about me being Josh's sister.

My mom was coming over today and she has been doing better than last time. She doesn't have anger issues, she does drink but only after five, she doesn't have anything to do with boys.

When I got home, it was around 1:45 PM. I walked in and saw my mom talking to the kids and Brandon in the kitchen, drinking his Coffee.

"Hey, honey!" I yelled, over the other yelling coming from the kids.

"Mommy!" Alexis and Josh said at the same time, running towards me.

"Hey, guys!" I said bending down and giving them big hugs.

"Mommy, Grandma is here!" Josh yelled with excitement.

"I know. Go hang out with Grandma okay? I have to talk to your dad." I told them.

"Okay." They said and ran back to my mom.

I got up and walked over to Brandon.

"B, I know you're not at work so... Calm down on the coffee." I said standing in front of him.

"What took so long for you to get back? I thought you were only going in for an hour?" Brandon asked.

"I know. I got stuck on a call, I had to help out a newbie, then my boss needed me to do paperwork for half of the people that came in today," I shrug. "I mean, what am I supposed to do? Tell my boss, 'Sorry, but I have to get home and take care of my kids today and I don't have any time for this'?" I say.

"Maybe you should've called in and taken today off!" Brandon said raising his voice.

"I did call in! I called in yesterday because I wanted to sleep in! I took all weekend off!" I told him.

"Then why would your boss call you in?" He asked putting his coffee on the kitchen counter and crossing his arms over his chest.

"I don't know, Brandon!" I raised my voice. "Why don't you call in, take tomorrow off and see what your boss does!" I yelled. I turned around to see my mom and the kids looking at us. I shook my head and walked to the bedroom. I walked in and slammed the door behind me.

I walked into the bathroom and did my business. It was that day and time of the month for me, but I didn't get it. I didn't get my period. I started to panic. I got done with everything and walked back into the bedroom. I started pacing back and forth. I decided to go to the store and buy a pregnancy test.

I walked into the living room and grabbed my car keys.

"Where are you going, Sadie May?" My mother asked me before I walked out the door.

"I'm going shopping," I said and opened the front door.

"Can I come, Mom?" Alexis asked.

"Yeah. Come on." I said and we got into the car.

When we got there, I took Alexis to where I get the pregnancy test box.

"Mommy, why are you getting a stick?" She asked.

"It's not a stick, sweetie. It's a pregnancy test. It tells me if there's a baby in my stomach." I told her.

"Is there a baby inside you, Mommy?" She asked.

"I don't know," I told her.

We got the pregnancy test and we walked back out to the car. When we got home, we walked inside.

"Grandma, Mommy might have a baby inside of her!" Alexis yelled when we got in.

I sighed.

"What?" Brandon asked and started walking over to me. "You're pregnant?"

"I don't know," I said. "But I will know in five minutes," I said and walked to the bathroom.

When I got in, I closed the door and locked it. I sat on the toilet and did what I had to do. When I was done, I put the test on the counter by the sink. I paced back and forth wondering what the answer could be. If it's a negative, that's good I guess. But if it's positive, what am I gonna do with the baby?

We can't take care of another baby! We have to work every day. I can't take time off! Brandon can't take time off! I guess I could ask my mom to come over and babysit.

What if Brandon doesn't want the baby, but I do? What if I don't want the baby, but Brandon does? What if we both don't want the baby?

I can't give this baby up. If it comes out of me, it's mine. I need to be a mother to every child I have. I can't get rid of it.

I think the test has the answer, but I don't look at it yet. I keep pacing back and forth. Questions running through my head. Negative thoughts and positive thoughts coming and going.

I take the test and hold it in my hand. Some thoughts are disappearing, but most of the negative thoughts stay. I try to shake the thoughts away, but they're not leaving.

I walk into me and Brandon's bedroom and I sit on the bed. I take deep breaths and breath in and out. I get up from the bed and start pacing again. For all I know, there's a baby inside of me or there isn't.

I decide that it's time to look at the test. I grab it from the bed and close my eyes. I breathe in and breath out. I open my eyes and look at it. My eyes started to tear up. I put my hand to my mouth and start crying. I read it over and over again. I sit on the bed and cry harder. I read the test again just to make sure that I wasn't reading it wrong. After I made sure it was the same, I read it one more time.

Positive.