Fear and confusion war with each other in my heart
I don't know how to play my part
The need to be adept at practicing the art of living
Makes every other thing seem little in comparison
Do I do what I want or what I need? Do I go the right way or my right way? Do I hear what they say or what I want to hear? Are their standards too high or is my worth just really low? Am I too slow or is patience really a virtue? I want to know, I want to be right.
Fear of losing
Fear of dying
Whether to stay or to go
To be friend or foe
To love or hate
To be here or be late
Fear of success
Fear of unsuccessfulness
Everyday you're haunted by memories of past failures, mistakes that made your heart bleed. You start to wonder if you're not going to do the same thing again. If you get it wrong, will it be the right kind of wrong? Will you ever get it right? Who do you talk to, who do you turn to? Where do you run to, where do you hide?
It's never ending
Never leaving
The fear stays
Through all your days
The elders' advice
Says you should ask he who is most wise
They say he made all things
And he alone can understand your feelings
So you pray and cry and ask, even while you wonder if it will ever mean anything. You hope that you have paid your penance, and that your time in hell is enough. You seek the face of a supreme being and hope that it is smiling at you.
But the fear of him
Who leads the heavenly team
Is too great inside
So you put everything aside and smile. You tell yourself it will be fine, ignoring the pain that your inner confusion brings. You ignore the torture and the maze that is your mind and heart and you dance as you've always done, as you will keep doing. You keep dancing till the music stops and the silence reminds you of who you really are, what you really are.
And now, I stand
Alone in the crowd like a stone in the sand
And say to myself
"Put everything on the shelf"
I've learnt in time
That life is just like lime
Sour on every tongue, in every mouth
It doesn't matter that you're screaming now, that you can no longer hear that the music is playing again. It doesn't matter that no one can see you, even while they're all watching you. It doesn't matter that you see the monsters breaking free of their chains, coming to eat you up. It doesn't matter that no one hears you even as you scream louder and louder, even as you're being consumed by the monsters that haunt your very existence.
Friend or foe
Deer or doe
No one knows
Not even the wise ones
So you run and fall and run and fall and keep running until you lose all strength. You stare wide eyed at their wide eyed stares. You wonder why they won't save you, why they just watch you. Then it all comes crashing down on you; the pain again, the pain. So you stand and wait; feeling nothing, seeing nothing, hearing nothing............. you just wait.
And once again
My words are in vain
And I stand alone
With a heart of stone
