NEEDY - B.E. IMAGINES

mirror*

just a warning; this chapter includes mentions of bad self image, and an ED. if you're struggling, my dm's are always open <33

this was requested by slnaliv583 -

gxg soft dom!billie

-

It started slow at first, your visits to the gym becoming more frequent. You made meal plans, avoided going out to eat, and started calorie counting. It didn't look like anything out of the ordinary. You seemed good at first–energized, maybe even happy.

Billie noticed the shift before you even realized you were slipping.

Your biweekly gym visits turned into four; one hour quickly turned into three.

Then came the skipped meals. At first, it was little things–passing on breakfast, saying you'd eaten earlier, pushing food around on your plate.

"I'm not hungry," you would say, your voice easy, like it wasn't a lie. Like your stomach hadn't been aching since noon.

Sometimes you'd take a bite just to make Billie stop looking at you that way. Chew slowly, swallow like it wasn't hard. But most days, you simply refused.

Billie tried not to hover, but it gnawed at her. The untouched lunches. The workouts stretched into two, sometimes three hours. The excuses.

Billie noticed the shadows beneath your eyes, the way your clothes fit looser. She noticed how quiet you became when she complimented you. How quick you were to change the subject, or wave it away with a shrug.

-

You dressed yourself carefully for the dinner party, staring at yourself in the mirror for what felt like hours. The dress wasn't new, but it clung tighter now—or maybe you'd just memorized every place your body made contact with fabric. Your fingers trembled slightly as you smoothed it down, adjusting the hem, then the neckline, then the hem again. You turned sideways. Sucked in. Tugged at the straps. Turned again.

You chose something tight, something soft. Something that hugged the body. Something you didn't like but desperately wanted Billie to want.

You stared at yourself and forced a smile. It didn't reach your eyes.

You hadn't eaten all day. Just coffee. Some gum to dull the hunger. A glass of water before the shower. Your head buzzed a little, but that only made you feel lighter, almost floaty. Like maybe the dress would fit just right now. Like maybe your thighs looked smaller, maybe your arms weren't so soft.

By the time Billie came in to grab her coat, you had already plastered confidence onto your face like foundation. You turned, gave her a quick spin, and tossed a smile over your shoulder.

"You look incredible," Billie said, voice warm with awe.

Your heart stuttered—but you didn't let it show. You just shrugged, biting back a hopeful smile, pretending it wasn't everything you'd wanted to hear.

At the dinner party, the food smelled incredible. Roasted garlic, herbed butter, and wine poured into glass after glass. Plates passed around, laughter bubbling up between clinks and stories. But you barely touched your food. You sipped wine, letting it warm your chest, letting the space in your stomach feel like something beautiful instead of something missing.

"You okay?" Billie murmured once, brushing a hand against your knee under the table.

"Yeah, just not super hungry," you whispered back with a soft smile, the lie smooth and practiced.

Billie frowned for half a second but nodded, kissed your temple gently before returning to the conversation.

You kept catching your reflection in the hallway mirror. The shape of your arms, the way your collarbones stuck out. Your lipstick had smudged slightly; you fixed it three times.