Thorns and Roses

17

NURRAIN

I walked to my car, my head filled with thoughts, thoughts I couldn't comprehend. It's being two months since I met Sameera. The feelings, the undeniable magnetic pull and the way I try to be the best version of myself whenever I am around her. It's confusing.

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, Maleeka, My Leeka, the woman whom my heart belong to but with Sameera, I feel she owns my soul.

I picked my phone up and quickly dialed Maleeka's number, hopefully that will ease the guilt that is building up in my heart.

I sat in the car waiting for her to pick up but she didn't so I turned on the ignition and drove home.

Luckily, her call came through the moment I packed and all of a sudden, my breathing feels labored and my heart heavy.

"Hello." Her voice came through, soft and calm like always.
I was silent.

"Hello." She said again, this time a little louder.

"Hey hey My Leeka." I replied after gathering some courage. I should tell her about Sameera.
I never hide things from her, no matter how complicated it is but this, whatever it is with Sameera, I couldn't.

"Are you okay?" She asked sounding really concerned. The way she knows me, how she can read me like a book.

"Yeah yeah, I am. I just have an aching head." I replied. Half lying.

My fingers traced the title of the book on my lap. 'A thousand splendid suns' I wanted to read her thoughts, how she feels about it but I couldn't even bring myself to flip a page.

"There is something I want to tell you." I said without thinking. My voice betraying me.
I kept quiet afterwards and she did too, I know she is waiting for me to speak, to fill her in.

In her head, she is probably thinking I want to gist her about work or a book I am currently reading. She will listen, she always do even though she barely understands what I am saying or her eyes are tired from exhaustion gotten from work. She will sit there and listen, nodding, pretending to be interested and sometimes even ask questions.

I hate how the heart works, doing things without our permission.

"Nurrain?"

"Na'am." My voice sound cracked. My emotions already surfacing, trapped between two feelings, like the highlights of the books on my lap. The heart is truly wretched.

"Are you sure you are okay?" Her voice came through laced with worry and concern. I shouldn't tell her...I shouldn't.

"I just miss you My Leeka, soo bad and I am finding it hard to control the emotions." I replied truly. I really do miss her. Suddenly i feel emptiness wrapping its arms around me. I miss the warmth of her hug, the smile on her face and the way she whines whenever I eat her snack.

"Oh my Nurrain! I miss you soo much too. I really do." She replied. "And I do understand how you feel, it happens with me every night, even the duvets miss the warmth of us cuddling beneath them." She added.

At this moment, I truly wish I haven't been posted here. I didn't realize I was crying until I hear my sniff. How fucked up can a man be?

"I love you and I will always do." I tell her truly even though I am unsure of what my heart is capable of doing, my wretched wretched heart.

"I love you too and I used all your savings from the game." Her voice came through with a tease. She knows how much we argue about that.

"No you didn't." I exclaimed.

"Yes I did! I will share videos even."

"MALEEKA! That's not nice you know."

"Not that I remember promising to be nice to you."

"It's been over 20 years, you should change."

"I will rather turn into a cup, that way I will get to be filled with tea frequently."

"You are impossible!"

Our conversation flowed, effortlessly from the dim mood to a better more beautiful one.

An hour passed with me seated in the car, listening to our favorite playlist.

"Ka San me ma, when I told Mama about it, she said bamu da hankali , I mean we are just trying our best koh?" She said.

"I told you to not include lingeries in the gift boxes and you even went ahead and told them to wear it. Se sun sa bulala ae."
I replied rolling my eyes like she is there.

We had a plan just before Eid to sponsor our parents to a vacation and Maleeka being Maleeka suggested they go to Maldives, she even went ahead and added lingeries in the gift bags we gave them.

"I told them you have the idea." She said, her voice accompanied with a crisp.

"I know you will My Leeka, I know. What are you eating?"

"Pringles with Condensed milk." She replied chuckling.

"Wait whattttt? By this time of the night?" I asked detaching the phone from my ears on to see it's past 11pm so it's like 3am in Nigeria.

"By this time of the day Maleeka! And that combination."

"It's your fault, you woke me up." I can literally see her shrugging her shoulders right now and the thought of it made me chuckle.

"You should sleep Maleeka." I said sternly. She really needs to do that.

"You should too." She said yawning.

"I will, now keep that awful combo and get under the duvet."
I heard her adjusting.

"I love you." She whispered in a damning sexy voice that made me close my eyes.

"I love you My Leeka, I wish you here. I would have cuddled you to bed, kissing every skin on your body My Leeka. I would have leave traces of my love on you, I would have made your skin scent of me."  I said in a matter of honesty. I am already imagining things I would do to her. I miss the way her body fits into mine.

"I miss you, your touch Nurrain, please come home soon."

"Soon baby girl, very soon."

We hanged up after a minute. That night, I promised not to think of Sameera...so I grabbed the book, promising to stash it in the bedside drawer.

I tossed and turned on bed, staring at the ceiling above me. Already regretting the coffee I took thirty minutes back. My heart stayed empty but my hands ended up finding their way to the book...her book.