Envy

CHAPTER 5: Alysa (October)

Mother won't talk. She hides in her room. I can hear her screaming into her pillow. She throws things. They brake against the walls, leaving huge holes, big enough for me to stick my arm through.

We don’t speak of my bruised face and fractured jaw. At least not after we went to the hospital and lied and said I fell off a ladder, helping my dad clean the gutters. 

Dad's aged. Instead of looking his normal forty-five, his hair seemed to get more salt in it, if you know what I mean. Without Kim here, I don't have to hide in my room. I'm glad she's gone. I don't have to hide the bruises. I let them shine, like trophies. A battle I’ve overcome. I don't have to cower in my corner. I don't have to bow down to the mercy of my blade every night... 

* * *

We used to visit their graves all the time, me just out of respect, but Kim did because she missed them. I didn’t feel like I had to, mainly because her and Kasi treated me like shit. Not to mention when Dylan was around, Kim would totally ignore me and act like I was invisible. Dylan was nice though.

Kim was different after the accident. It wasn’t bad at first; mainly just locked herself in her room, blaring hard screamo rock music so loud it shook the foundation of the house. We didn’t even see her for supper most nights. She’d just come down in the morning, grab a slice of leftover pizza in the fridge, and then you wouldn’t see her the rest of the day. 

I was little, I didn’t know I should have been worried. But I wasn’t too little to not know something going on.  Not until my parents caught Kim sneaking out a few months after the whole thing went down. Even then I wasn’t that worried. I just thought my big sister was being a bad big sister. I didn’t know I would have to be scared until she threw the first punch. 

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There's somebody outside my door. KNOCK KNOCK. 

"Hello?"

"Alysa, can I come in? Are you decent?" Mother... Of course. She would be the only one in this household that would give the courtesy to knock.

"Yes."

She comes in, not meeting my eyes. I'm sitting on my bed on the other side of the room, Facebookin' it for the night. Currently, there's nothing on there worth my time. But you know how it goes... You get bored, you get online. You get bored of the people complaining about their lives and listening to twelve year olds complaining about their sex life, so you get offline. And then, once you get off, you sit there for a few minutes and get back online. 

Ah, welcome to the sad, depressing life of Alysa May Vine. 

Mother makes her way across the room, avoiding piles of dirty close, crumpled papers, and god knows what. She still hasn't met my gaze.

She sits in the corner of my bed, the springs groan under her weight. She clears her throat. She speaks.

"Hi."

"Hello?"

"I have something to tell you. You're father and I won't be here tomorrow, okay?" Glancing down at her hands, she starts to fidget.

I so wasn't following her. "Okay?"

"Can we trust you?" She glances up. And what I see there shocks me. Fear. My mother, one of the strongest people I know, is absolutely and utterly terrified. What the hell?

I gulp, "Yes...?"

"Good," she states. "We're going to go get your sister back," she mumbles, fast and so silent that I nearly didn't catch what she said. But I did. I did catch what she said. She said the words that I was dreading over the past five months. 

She's coming back.

Kim's coming back.

Panic settles in my bones, hot and consuming. Shitshitshitshit! 

"What?!" 

Mom states me in the eyes, cupping my face in her tiny, but firm hands. "It's been five months Alysa. It's time." She pulls me close, and brushes her lips against my forehead. Leaning back once more, she drops her hands from my face, but not her gaze. "She's changed. We get letters weekly," she pauses, a troubled look on her face. "It's time.” Her brow furrows, it’s like she’s trying to convince herself more than me.

No she hasn't! my mind screams. She'll never change! It's Kim we're talking about here! My heart pounds, my eyes sting, my palms sweat.Nononononono. No! Kim COULDN'T be coming back!

My body quakes. Mother takes one last sad look in my direction, and leaves without another word, closing the door quietly behind her. My mind is racing, but only one thought bounces around my skull like a ping pong ball. 

Kim’s coming home.