Becoming Whole Again

Chapter 12

(Amanda's POV)
I'm in Olivia's apartment, lying on the couch. She covered me up with a blanket in hopes that I would fall asleep, but I didn't. I can't stop thinking about what I did. How could I do that to him? I hurt his relationship. I even remember saying to Olivia that I would never interfere with Sonny's love life... I'm so stupid.
Sonny hurt me though, he said he didn't love me. That hurts a lot even though I know it's true. I shouldn't have gone home with him last night.
I wanted to take my pain away but Olivia had hidden all the sharp objects and she never has any alcohol around anymore since she has Noah. What the hell am I going to do? I just can't sit here and let all the pain wash over me. I need something to cope. Anything. A blade, alcohol, hell even drugs I don't care as long as I have something.
"UGH! WHY, OLIVIA?!" I screamed and hid my face in the cushions of the couch.
I broke down into tears and I hunched over my knees and just let the tears hit the ground. My anxiety kicked in and I started shaking and hyperventilating. I pulled my knees into my chest and I leaned back. I started crying really loudly. This anxiety attack kept getting worse and worse by the second.
Olivia came in the door as calm as could be.
"Hey, Amanda, I'm-AMANDA!" she yelled.
She threw her stuff on the counter and ran to my side. I looked up into her eyes and my eyeliner was running clear down my face.
"Liv.." I whined.
"Amanda, honey..." she whispered and pulled me into her arms.
I cried and cried and Olivia kept a firm grip on me. She's so sweet.
"Liv, how could I be so stupid? I ruined his relationship...he hates me now. But...I STILL LOVE HIM!!!" I couldn't stop crying.
"Amanda, honey, breathe. It's gonna be okay. I promise you." she was talking so quietly.
"No, it's not! He hates me! He's never going to speak to me again!" I yelled.
"Amanda, have I ever lied to you?" she asked.
"No..." I replied.
"Exactly. I never have and never will lie to you. You mean to much to me and I know how you get when you're upset. Amanda not only are you one of my best detectives, you're my best friend. I care about you. I promise you that everything will be okay. You'll get through this and you'll find someone you love who will marry you and have kids with you and you'll start a family. Trust me, Amanda." she spoke her heart out to me.
"Olivia, I don't even know what to say...you're one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Thank you for saying all of that, Liv. It means a lot. I really hope you're right..." I was choked up.
(Sonny's POV)
Carli was just discharged from the hospital. I waited until we got outside the building before I hugged her.
I grabbed her hand and spun her to face me. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and she did the same in return. I started to tear up and I felt the warm drop slide down my cheek. Carli was shaking.
"Hey, baby, it's okay. You're alright now. I'm with you. I'm not going to let anyone or anything hurt you. I'm going to protect you with my life." I said staring her in the eyes.
The tear was still lingering on my face. She wiped it away with her thumb and then she kissed me. I kissed back.
The kiss was slow and passionate. It felt amazing to be holding her in my arms like this. It's been too long. I missed her. I missed running my fingers through her beautiful blonde hair.
We walked to the car and got inside. I started the engine and just turned and stared at her.
"What are you doing?" she asked while giggling.
"Just looking at my world." I said and smiled.
Her cheeks blushed really red and she hid her face in her hands.
"Sonny..." she said.
We both laughed and we drove to my apartment. When we got there, I took her into my bedroom. She laid down on the bed and smelled the pillows.
"They smell like you." she grinned.
"And what do I smell like?" I asked.
"Like a dork." she laughed.
"Hey!" I said and climbed on top of her.
I tickled her and she was laughing so hard I thought she was going to pee herself.
"Sonny! Quit it! Dominick Carisi stop it right-" I shut her up by kissing her.
The kiss quickly got more heated and it led to removing our clothes. I looked at Carli. She was so beautiful.
"Are you sure you're ready for this? I don't want to make you do something you're not mentally prepared for." I was being polite.
"I'm sure, Sonny." she smiled at me.
Things got heated again and then we had sex.
(Carli's POV)
Once we were finished, we laid in the bed smiling at each other. I started to drift asleep. Being in the hospital kicks the hell out of you.
"Sonny...I-" I was so sleepy.
"Yeah, baby?" he whispered.
"I'm so tired..." I couldn't keep my eyes open.
"Me too. Let's go to sleep. Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you." he kissed my forehead.
"I love you too." I said and I was out within a matter of 5 minutes.
(Carli's Dream POV)
I'm in my bedroom about to get in the shower. Work has me exhausted. I hear something outside my bedroom door. It busts open.
He shoves me on the bed and tries holding me down. I fight with everything I have and get up. I make a run for it but he takes the lamp and smashes it over my head. He ties me down to the bed, strips my clothes off, and begins to ra-.
(Carli's POV)
"Carli!" Sonny was yelling.
"What?" I said back and I didn't notice the tears on my face.
"You were screaming in your sleep and tossing around. What was it?" he was so concerned about me and I love him for that.
"I-I had a replay of my attack." I stared crying again and he held me in his arms.
"It's going to be okay, Carli. I promise you. We are going to put that sick bastard away and once we do, you and I can have a wonderful life." he was rocking me to calm me down.
I kissed him.
"I love you, Dominick." I whispered.