Throw It All Away [Zayn Malik]

Chapter 14: Hurting

Zayn

            “I’m going out to look for him,” I announce after practically tearing the house apart searching for Ben. I’m already reaching for my coat and checking that I have my keys and wallet, not waiting for a proper response from any of the others.

            “Slow down Zayn, I’m sure he’s fine-“ Liam tries to say, but I refuse to listen.

            For all I know, he could be hurt. He could be the way I found Dana, in some deserted alley, in the process of dying. I have to look out for him, for Dana, for their father, for myself. After everything he’s been through, I have to protect him.

            “Zayn, please!”

            Harry actually sounds desperate, and that’s enough to get me to turn around, to stop everything and just look at my four best mates for a moment.

            “Guys,” I say slowly. “You know that after everything… I can’t lose him too. Everyone’s abandoned him, I can’t do the same.”

            There’s a long silence, and I can see that internally, they’re all struggling with something. Something big.

            “You heard Lea mate,” Niall says slowly, clearing his throat in an almost nervous way. “Your image is already… not the best.”

            I stare at him for a long moment, silently, and he seems to wince slightly under my gaze.

            Good.

            “The public is already beginning to get the wrong idea,” Liam sighs, and though he sounds regretful, all I want to do is scream.

            “It’s for the band,” Louis adds. “The band. We can’t bring anymore bad press to ourselves.”

            I find it hard to believe my own ears. Are they honestly thinking about their images more than Ben? Are they honestly saying that we should just let him be on his own, whether he ends up dead or not, and just focus on being angels for the public?

            “You are not saying what I think you are,” I say lowly, allowing the venom to creep into my tone. “You are not telling me that you care more about the band than an innocent boy. Dana’s brother.”

            They shift uncomfortably, and I can see the amount of discomfort they’re in. Again, good.

            My glare is only met with silence, and that only serves to infuriate me more. “So that’s it then? We’ve become exactly what stereotypical celebrities are now? We’re honestly that shallow?”

            I look to Harry, who’s said nothing since the search for Ben. I wait for him to agree with me, to stand up and say that we shouldn’t turn into this, but he doesn’t. He just sits there and stares down at his shoes, his fingers twisting together slowly.

            “Louis?” I decide to turn to the eldest, the one who taught me to not let what other people think matter.

            Louis has always been the strongest when it comes to that. He’s never afraid to pick a fight in return with haters, never afraid to stand up to the press and the public, even if it wrecks some people’s view of him. He’s always been the strongest of us all when it comes to that, and now… there’s nothing?

            “I’m sorry Zayn,” he says slowly, and he has that indifferent mask on, but I can see the show of emotion through it. “It just… it has to be this way. For the band’s sake.”