Daddy, please.

Welcome

Not knowing what else to do, I slowly backed out of the room, turning the corner and numbly climbing the stairs. I got to my room and entered, locking the door.

I slumped back against the door as I felt my throat burn and my chest ache.

He probably didn't even notice that you left. Well of course not, he's too busy with that chicks tongue in his mouth.

I didn't know why I cared, I really didn't, but seeing him lip locked with that girl awakened something within me that I wished would go back into hiding.

It was too much to handle. My breaths were coming out shallow and above all, my anger was peaking. I needed a release. I needed something to calm me down and reroute my mind from the current tracks it was following.

I lashed out. I punched and punched my legs until I thought that if I didn't stop they'd fall off, but even then, it wasn't enough to ease the pain I was feeling.

I wished that Alex would come up and check on me, but when hours had passed and I was still locked away in my room, I realized he wasn't coming. He was probably too busy getting some.

I guess the world really isn't a wish granting factory.

Later that night I was startled from my dreams by an insistent knocking at my door. I figured it was Alex so I just rolled onto my side with my back facing the door and let myself fall back asleep.

Even in my dreams the pain haunted me, and it made me think, will I ever be free of this? Will I always be shackled down by the pain and misery that follows in my shadow? Or will I someday be set free to live my life in peace?

I tossed and turned throughout the night, finally deciding I'd had enough at six AM so I got out of bed and gathered an outfit to wear for the day. There was no reason for me not to go back to work. Well there was, but I needed the distraction.

Hopping out of the shower, not literally that would be dangerous, I towel dried my body and threw on the leggings and A Day To Remember crew neck I'd grabbed before getting in the shower. I put my still wet hair up into a messy bun and decided I looked good enough for my first day back at the diner.

I silently unlocked and opened my door, looking up and down the hallway to make sure the coast was clear. When I saw that it was, I took a step to leave my room and nearly fell right on my face.

I shrieked as I looked down and saw that what I'd tripped over had been Alex's sleeping body which was sprawled across the floor in front of my room.

I took a large step over him and when he didn't move I bolted the rest of the way down the hallway and stairs, out the door. I didn't bother leaving a note, because why would he care where I went? He had that girl from the previous day to keep him occupied.

The walk to the diner took me longer than usual considering I no longer lived down the block from it. However the walk turned out to be rather calming; a stark contrast to my raging thoughts.

Considering it wasn't even seven AM yet, there weren't many people out and about on the streets, but I knew Martha would already be awake and ready to face whatever the day held for her. She had always been an early riser, which was something I'd learned the first time I showed up at the diner at seven in the morning in search of some solace. She'd welcomed me inside and given me a steaming mug of hot chocolate. It was the first time in a long time that I had felt even just the slightest bit at peace.

As I walked, there was a slight chill to the air that nipped at the delicate skin of my porcelain cheeks. The sun hadn't fully peaked yet, but the beautiful array of colours that flooded the sky made the discomfort worth it.

My legs ached. They threatened to cave in on themselves at any moment, but I wouldn't let them. I did this to myself, and for that I deserved to suffer.

Maybe I expect too much from everyone and everything, and that's why all those bad things have happened to me.

I expected my mom to come home but instead I found out she's in a mental hospital. I expected my dad to stop hurting me, but instead he began raping me. I expected him to change and love me again, and now he's dead. I expected Alex to like me and now all I'm left with is a heavy heart and the need to escape from everything.

I watched the sky as a flock of birds came into my view, some flying together in a v-shape, while others flew freely around. I wished I could be like them. I wished I had the ability to fly away from the cold in order to find warmth. Unfortunately, you can't fly away from yourself.

Entering the quaint little diner, I wasn't surprised to see Martha seated behind the counter with one of her silly gossip magazines. At the sound of the bell above the door chiming, she raised her gaze to meet my own and the look on her face nearly made me burst into a puddle of tears.

It was a look of relief and pure happiness, and I hoped to keep the image in my mind forever. I'd never seen anyone look that way. Especially not at me. Especially not because of me.

She came around the counter and I saw that she was wearing an adorable flowery dress that made her look lively and young again. As soon as I was within arms reach of her, she pulled me into her embrace and held onto me tightly. Her hug made me feel safe and grounded, like everything that had happened over the past month hadn't happened to me, but in some movie I'd seen on TV.

"I've missed you so much, deary." She whispered into my ear, sounding to be on the verge of tears, and the thought made my eyes water.

"I've missed you too." I told her honestly, holding onto her waist as tightly as I could without hurting her. I sniffled into her shoulder and she pulled away to look into my glassy eyes.

"Sit, talk to me." She encouraged with a small smile, and I knew I had to tell her, I wanted to, I just wasn't sure I could handle reopening the wounds.

"There's honestly so much to say." I told her earnestly, casting a glaze at her slightly wrinkled, yet still young looking face.

"I've got two ears to listen, so when one gets bored I'll use the other." She joked lamely and despite everything I was currently feeling, I laughed. A warm smile broke out on her weathering face and I realized I had missed her more than I thought over the past month and a bit. She was like a mix between a loving mother and a caring grandmother and that's why I'd always loved working here.

"You should sit." I told her with a small smile as I debated over whether or not I was ready to tell her everything. Can she handle it?

She takes a seat on the stool behind the counter and I take that as my que to begin.

"Alright, well I guess I'll start from the beginning.."