boarding school (PHANFICTION)

problems with pain

A/N if you are not comfortable reading about self harm I suggest skipping to the next chapter or...just stop reading but I mean it would be pretty cool for you to keep reading and um...I'd be proud uhh yeah I'll stop now oh but there is also some woman in black spoilers  but I will mark where that starts and ends sooo.
Phil POV
it's been 3 weeks since dan left and I can't handle it,not getting to see his beautiful brown eyes every morning,not getting to taste the Maltesers in Dan's wet lips or smell his smell of Axe and Cologne.
Joe moved out of the dorm last week because Angus was getting to clingy and once he clings to a person he will never leave them alone.
I don't have any friends at all,Chris and PJ are both super mad at me...the hole school is mad at me,they think I'm the reason dan left...I probably am.
it hurts ,I scream and cry all night because of all of pain inside me.
Normally YouTube helps but tonight it's to much.
I'm sitting in the bathroom in the dark.
I like the dark it's like a different land that you can go to were all you can see is the things that you make up in your mind.My voice hurts from all the screaming but I don't mind,it's an ok pain ,I just don't mind pain anymore some times when it gets really bad pain is the only thing that can take me away.
I reached for the pair of sizers that I keep on the counter just in case,I pressed the blade down on my wrist and slowly moved it up my arm thinking of dan.
"this is what you get phil!"
"you deserve to be punished you awful peace of shit!" I scream aloud to my self.I fell backwards dropping the sizers on to the ground starting to cry and whimper drool,blood and tears  on to the ground.Suddenly a light came on waking me out of my thinking state.
"Phil?"
"Angus this is none of your business now go back to bed" I ordered still lying on the ground with my eyes closed"
"but phil your hurt!"
"no Angus I'm fine now leave me alone!!"He walked away shutting off the light again and closing the door.
not an hour later a nurse came in and picked me up.
you might find this weird but I closed my eyes and pretend that it was dan as they carried my helpless body to the hospital.
*****
I was sitting on my bed staring at a wall with my favourite black sweatshirt pulled over head scratching and my arm with my black nails when someone opened the door,I knew it wasn't Angus  because he was in the hospital for food poisoning. "go away " I said not caring who it was. "awww I'm sorry to hear that" the voice said, it sounded like dan but who was I kidding everyone sounded like dan to me. "because I can't leave...I believe this is my dorm"
"piss of you mother  fuuaaaaaaaa"
I jumped up in to his arms.
"Dan I missed you so much" I said crying in to his soft shoulder.
"oh wait...right...Dan I am so sorry I forgot that you don't feel the same about me I..." I was cut off by his wet lips gently pressed to mine we moved them slowly.I put my hand on his left shoulder and he flinched aggressively in pain and that's when I noticed his out-of-place nose and black eye "DAN!"
I pulled up the sleeve of his shirt revealing a huge bruise. "Dan what's"
"it's my dad I'm sorry...I'm fine!"
"Dan you are not fine you are extremely hurt".I took him to the kitchen and gave him an ice pack "now tell me what have you been up to"
"no! it's your turn phil! what's with the hole goth/emo look?"
"oh uh do you like?"
he just shrugged
"me either" I frowned
"but the tattoos are only temporary and the piercings (I took one out) fake!"
"I've just needed knew ways to express my self you know" I frowned again
"yeah I know" dan smiled and pulled my body closer "WOW!"
"What what! what's wrong"I yelled
"you...your so" he pulled of my sweatshirt and looked up at me concerned "it's ok I'm vegan now"
"no phil you haven't been eating!"
"uhhhgg ok ok so I skipped a couple lunches and dinners but"
"A COUPLE!"
I rolled my eyes and kissed him.
"we should watch a film"
"ya...witch one?"
"well I would say high school musical but..." I smiled and kissed him on the cheek.
"woman in black!?"
"oooo scary haha ok let's watch it"
I said smiling taking his arm and leading him to the couch.
we sat down and I found the film on Netflix.
ok spoilers start now
I lied down with my back to the back of the couch and dan lied be side me.
He squeezed my hand tighter as the little girls made there dolls drink the tea.When they jumped out of the window he murmured under his breath "don't do it...don't do it"
awww he's so cute I squeezed his bruised body.
And he looked at me in shock when they showed the dead mother witch only made me squeeze him more.
"NOT THE ATTIC!"
"Dan how are you so fricking adorable!"
he gasped when the women in the background moved around to face the camera and jumped when the water started to come out of the muddy gross tap.He jumped again when the crow attacked the man.
But when the man arrived to pick him up Dan screamed and jumped so he was facing me hugging me tightly.
"Dan it's ok it's fake we don't have to keep watching"
"no I like it!"
"ooookkkk" I said pressing play again.
***
ok that's the end of spoilers
"did you like it?" I said turning of the TV.
"loved it!"
"I love you" I said smiling at him.
"I love you too" he said yawning.
"tired?"
"yeah it's kinda funny how sitting in a train all day can make you this tired"
"yeah well let me go take my eye liner of then I'll come to bed k?"
"k" he said smiling.
I sat on the toilet of the bathroom scratching my arm I loved having dan back but what would everyone else think? Would dan get taken away from me again! I scratched my arm harder and harder till the marks became deep and red.I threw my self of the toilet and looked at my self in the mirror.
I would never be good enough!
ever!
"fucking ever!" I found my self screaming out loud.
I pulled my hair screaming.
my hair was messed up and my eye liner had ran all down my face.I fell to the ground.
"Phil! Phil! what the fuck! are you ok?"He said bending down to me.
"don't leave me dan" I was sobbing so hard it was hard to talk "p-pleeeeease!"
"it scares me!" Dan looked confused
"you've only been gone for 3 weeks and look what I've become"
"I'm scared of what more I could do to my self" I balled in to Dan's shoulder.
"it's ok phil...I'm here now and I will never leave again I promise" Dan started to cry as well.
"c'mon lets go to bed" I said wiping my eyes and walking to our bunk.
"hey phil?" dan said behind me.
"yes"
"do you mind if I sleep on your level tonight...that movie is scarier now that it's dark"
the bunks where pretty big and could definitely fit two people on a level.
"sure" I said climbing up on to my bed with dan close behind.
I laid on my back staring at the roof and Dan lied on his side with his head on my chest and arms around my body.
"I love you phil"
I sighed heavily from all the crying.
"I love you too"
***
we got up at 8:00am and got ready for class.
We walked into math holding hands  and the teacher wasn't there yet.Every one stopped and stared at us.
when we got up this morning we decided that everyone already hates us why not just come out about our relationship.I still put on my eye liner and piercings because I wasn't ready to change back so quickly.
We walked in and took our seats.
The hole room was silent until the devil himself came up to us.
"so...uh you two are?"
"yes" I snarled
"I wasn't talking to you,you emo faggot"he spat.
"piss off" Dan mumbled
"no you have brought this upon your self obviously you don't listen Danny boy remember our little deal??"
"Dan what deal!" I asked
"ohhhhh you didn't tell him" Conner laughed wickedly
"you pathetic waste of time"
"shut up Conner! leave him the fuck alone you dick head!"I screamed
"oooo standing up for your boyfriend huh? I'm so scared!" He said sarcastically. I got up and pushed him into the desk behind him and he pushed back. We started to fight as the class watched.Dan sat at his desk crying but soon got up to help me.
I laid back on to the floor and watched Dan helplessly get beaten till he fell unconscious Conner put his foot on to Dan's back like they would in the old times when they shot down a beast but this was no beast this was my sweet loving and innocent Dan.
everyone looked at me with wild grins.
"better run philly boy" Archie whispered in to my ear from behind.
I ran to the boys toilets. people purposely bumping in to me and cheering and laughing as I ran my legs out.
I sat in the empty bathroom for hours
until  the pain got to much.I slowly walked up to the dorm.
I grabbed the sizers and shut all the blinds and turned the lights of.
I sat on the ground and started to cut and scream but it didn't help I got up and got the biggest knife that I could find and pressed it to my wrist "1, 2, 3
I pressed harder and watch closely as the blood ran to the floor and pooled at my feet.I pounded my fists into the wall screaming for a way to escape the horrible bag of shit that was my life as I let the darkness take over.
A/N ok hope you liked. I know it was pretty long but hopefully worth it!